DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

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DH and I have had a busy weekend, he explicitly said that he wanted Sunday free then announced that our friends were “passing” so would be “popping” in at 4pm, I wasn’t too happy but thought they’d be gone by 6pm and we could then settle down and chill watching TV for the evening. He then says “oh they say it’ll be 5pm” which got my back up a little and we exchanged words, then suddenly it was going to be 5.30pm and I confess I lost my temper a little, we argued and in the end he messaged them telling them not to come round and then proceeded to tell me what an awful person I am for not wanting to see our “friends”.
I disagree, I took it on the chin when they were coming at 4pm, I even accepted 5pm even though I thought it was rude to be a hour late but 5.30pm was the straw that broke the camels back. HE was the one who said he wanted the day kept free, HE said they could come without consulting me and HE then put them off coming. I apologised for losing my temper and he refused to accept it and is now giving me the silent treatment. So AIBU?

Well you should only 'pop in' if you live nearby and then you accept that you may have to leave because the person is busy. If you have to travel, obviously make firmer plans.

I know "choosing TV" and reconsidering friendship, very self-important. I love how dramatic people are on MN.

It was Sunday evening, last min, as a pp said get in the actual bin with that 😂

Some bizarre responses here.

Firstly, the OP finds watching TV relaxing. It's not a crime, just different to some people here who have clutched their pearls at the thought of doing that instead of hosting friends at a massively shifting time and for an uncertain duration.

Yes, walking a dog might be relaxing but it can also be a chore if you're tired and not up for it. It used up the last bit of energy the OP had.

The only ' BU' here is the DH inviting friends over without checking if you were up for it. That's basic manners and being a partner.

Ahhh, selfish/inconsiderate/uncommunicative men. The backbone of MN… (nods sagely)

I would just say you don’t always have to socialise together. Your DH could have said to his friends that you’re tired and will be reading in bed (or whatever) but they’re welcome to pop round to hang out with him. Does he need you to hold his hand? Of course given that you agreed to keep the day free it would be reasonable to ask you first.

Exactly what I was thinking. Most of the time they're hiding behind the sofa refusing to answer the door

We have friends that we have ‘pop in’ arrangements with, but it only works if you and your friends are considerate and willing to set your boundaries: ‘I’m going out at 3’ or ‘I’m knackered so I’m going to flop in front of the telly soon’. If you can’t do this then ‘popping in’ is not for you.

I think some people might be missing the point a bit. Why is any of this a big deal?

In a normal, healthy relationship one partner can go ‘actually, if they’re going to be coming at half 5, I don’t really fancy it, my social battery is a bit low and I just want to relax tonight’ (or words to that effect) and it’s just…not a big deal.

OP, do you find that small disagreements often become much bigger issues than they ought to be in your relationship? Or is this unusual?

That's a lot of non-events to start a thread on it!

A lot of MN is made up of non events and non issues.

Giving your spouse the silent treatment is an issue in my book.

Id be annoyed that he made plans without checking with me first. But, once you agreed to their visit, you cant be annoyed at your DH for their tardiness. Sorry but YABU for blaming him for the times keep changing. As a one off id have just accepted it and moved on, not keep throwing a tantrum. Surely you could've still sat chilling watching tv, whilst waiting for them to arrive. And even when they arrive was there really that much you had to do?

I actually offered to drive both DH and his friend to the pub and collect them after so he didn’t miss out but that wasn’t good enough either

YANBU

Reads like you tried to be accommodating despite your DH choosing not to be clear about what the plans exactly were. He could have been clearer since they were the plans he made without your input and told you afterwards.

I think he wasn’t going to accept anything but things being his way and there was nothing stopping him from staying with his friend where he was.

It's his house too. I can't imagine my husband telling me I am not allowed to have friends popping in one evening! He wouldn't be so controlling anyway.

I can’t imagine not discussing it in the first place, doing it anyway and THEN telling spouse.

And yet you felt the need to comment….

So he's a liar who misled you about the visit.
He doesn't respect you enough to double check if it suits you.
He then name calls you because you challenge this.

I would be very pissed off but you sould bullied by him.

I don't want to see anyone after 4pm on a sunday, certainly not for the evening.

He's selfish and a liar to boot about them coming.

You need to have a look at how he treats you.

I like my friends but when I'm tired and they have a habit of hanging around until the crack of twat is rather not.

Yeah quite, and their coming at 5.30pm means they might expect dinner to be laid on. 4pm is totally different. Fuck that.

I’m finding mumsnet so hard to read lately. Whatever op complains about people just come out claws out attacking her as if she’s the world’s biggest villain. So many of the posters who get attacked raise reasonable human dilemmas even if they are in the wrong and don’t need to be told “I feel sorry for your husband” or other such things on a feminist site ffs.

"Crack of twat" is an absolute belter 😂😂😂😂

I really hope I remember that so I can repeat it when appropriate 🙏

Edited - oooh just remembered I'm up very early on Friday to go to a meeting with a colleague. Perfect opportunity.

You are the one miffed about the whole thing, I am only here for the distraction 😂

since when does "feminist" mean women can't do any wrong? We don't have the same definition.

But then if you think MN is a "feminist" website 😂

Off you pop them love

Absolutely.

And the house doesn't have to be cleaned in advance or food & drink prepared - just open the wine and get a takeaway ordered.

Do you think when he told you to keep the day free he already knew they were coming but wanted to spring it on you last minute, thinking you'd not feel able to say you're not up for it?

Sounds to me partner new it was going to be an evening thing, and said pop in to get you to agree, knowing once people where there you'd go with it.

He knew you'd not want a full social thing Sunday evening, who does?

And now is sulking because you didn't just blindly comply.

Not ok!

I also think, the fact you offered to change venue and do the running around and he refused is telling! He wanted a house gathering and wanted to force you in to it.

Sorry OP. He's the unreasonable one.

I think it's into Sundays going forward unless it's a brunch, lunch, thing x

I would have let the. come round and gone to bed as and when I planned to...