DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

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DH and I have had a busy weekend, he explicitly said that he wanted Sunday free then announced that our friends were “passing” so would be “popping” in at 4pm, I wasn’t too happy but thought they’d be gone by 6pm and we could then settle down and chill watching TV for the evening. He then says “oh they say it’ll be 5pm” which got my back up a little and we exchanged words, then suddenly it was going to be 5.30pm and I confess I lost my temper a little, we argued and in the end he messaged them telling them not to come round and then proceeded to tell me what an awful person I am for not wanting to see our “friends”.
I disagree, I took it on the chin when they were coming at 4pm, I even accepted 5pm even though I thought it was rude to be a hour late but 5.30pm was the straw that broke the camels back. HE was the one who said he wanted the day kept free, HE said they could come without consulting me and HE then put them off coming. I apologised for losing my temper and he refused to accept it and is now giving me the silent treatment. So AIBU?

It wasn't a 'done deal' though was it, because they didn't come in the end after he called them back and told them not to, after an afternoon's worth of arguing.

You should have made it clear in the first place that you weren't having them there.

You both need to communicate better.

Agree.

The amount of posters dwelling on if they themselves would be happy with friends over on a Sunday evening is missing the point.

I think perhaps you are like me in that you need to know you have a bit of down time, and to suddenly have someone ‘popping in’ will irritate you.
Perhaps you find it difficult when plans change last minute like this. Other people don’t mind at all. Neither or right or wrong.
You maybe need to try communicating this to your DH, as he may not appreciate this. If you set it as a general rule that you need some notice, and you need to have the option of saying no if it does your head in, and then you won’t get irritated and can reduce conflict.

Ive spent years pretending that im ok with this sort of thing, but im really not. I need a bit of notice, and if ive had a busy few days with no down time, then i might say no. Otherwise I feel suffocated and pushed into situations I find stressful, and I’m too old for that crap now.

It's his house too. I can't imagine my husband telling me I am not allowed to have friends popping in one evening! He wouldn't be so controlling anyway.

nah. If my DH wants people over, no issue. If he wants them over when he knows i have planned to veg out in front of the TV? he can get to fuck. I would do as OP did and offer to drive/pick up from elsewhere. And because my DH isn't an arse, he would probably have agreed.

It would really irritate me to have to ask if I could have friends round in my own home as an adult. I think there is probably a reason he tried to underplay what he was planning.

I think you are not very compatible on this and you need to work out a way to compromise.

do you have young children? Sorry if it’s mentioned and I missed it up thread.

id totally get why you’d not want guests at that time in that case… if you are child free or have older children surely you’ve had all day to chill and watch tv?

This wouldn’t preference but I’d suck it up as a one off

Its the dinner assumption that comes with a 5.30pm visit that would annoy me.

My first time, an eye opener to be sure!

Some bonkers replies on here like the ones focusing on the tv angle- would reading, knitting or hobby been more acceptable ?

I think that you’re both wrong.

Your h is wrong to impose plans on you. He’s wrong for sulking and minimising the trip- pop by vs hanging out. Does he think you’re stupid and wouldn’t work out that the plan was to hang out in the first place ? I’m not sure how late they normally stay but assuming that you have work today then I can see why you’d prefer that they went to the pub while you got your wish of chilling.

You are wrong to not make a fuss. He does this because he keeps on getting away with it. These friends have a history of staying for hours so you should have been clear about your expectations that they are gone by 6pm or whatever. What was he doing while you were doing stuff like walking the dogs? He should be doing most of the work so that you have a good night even though you’re not in the mood. It’s not fair to initially say yes then later say no. You should have just said no in the first place or told your h to tell them that if they can’t come by 5 then for him to meet them elsewhere. These people have a history of being late and deep down you probably knew that it would be later than they said

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. There’s a huge difference between 4pm and 5.30pm and we all know that ‘popping in’ is never just that plus you’d have to play host. But what would annoy me more is if my husband didn’t warn me in advance!
You’ve apologised for losing your temper so leave it as that.

MN is full of people who will, allegedly, happily welcome unexpected guests at all hours of the day/night, particularly if they're faaaaaaaamily, and are allegedly cool about the extra hosting this brings. Quite how this works out in real life, may be a little different me thinks ......

I'd have been in my PJs doing the ironing, then catching up on The Handmaids Tale.

No way would I have "hosted" - he invited them, let him put his pinny on and serve them.

I wouldn’t want guests that late on a Sunday unless it was a specific reason like a birthday party etc.

I would also want them to agree a time and stick to it. Especially if they have form for being late. 2 hours late to a BBQ is ridiculous.

And I would want my partner to ask me if I was ok to have guests rather than telling me. You should be able to say “no I don’t feel like it this week, can’t you meet them in the pub?”

And the silent treatment is abusive actually.

This is the most consistently misogynistic site.

Women expecting any decent behaviour or treatment consistently attacked.

Really ugly, and getting worse unfortunately.

It’s so bizarre!

I can see both sides here. I would hate not being able to accept a casual, can we pop round without clearing it first as I'm very sociable and understand how difficult it is for busy people to find time to fit you in. But I also hate lateness and it really does fuck up your day. But also it's difficult for your husband because he's probably annoyed by them changing times too but can't do anything about it except he now has to deal with his stress, your stress and their stress. You totally need to apologise to him and them but also find a better way of seeing these awful people. Just go to theirs next time.

Their lateness would be irritating.

Would you have felt differently if it was 'reading a book'? Some people watch TV to unwind. It feels a bit off to call it out.

What an odd thing to say. I can't imagine it's an addiction to tv, but more a requirement for self care and down-time. OPs preffered way of doing that is to chill in front of the tv. How is that different to any other way of relaxing?

And tiredness is an issue, tiredness means someone does not have the capacity to 'put it on' and perform for guests (any introvert will know exactly what I mean). Does not necessarily mean they're ready to go to bed 🙄

OP, its your Sunday too, I'm firmly in your corner. YANBU.

I'm with you OP it would have annoyed me too. And sulking isn't acceptable behviour from a grown up, especially on top of thoughtlessness.

I wouldn't be able to chill out all day, knowing I had an unwanted social occasion that evening.

Isn't your DH such a lucky man 😂

At least you are consistent, clearly still sulking about a non-event the following day!

I'd def be happy with friends popping round - the only thing I'd be concerned with is will they want food? But then you can get a takeaway or do some easy pasta, so yes you are BU.

The day is completely different to the evening, can DH not tell the difference.
I’d return silent treatment for the rest of the week… 😊