To think unless you are ugly you’ve no idea what it’s like

[Riverrunswild83]

It’s made my life so difficult.
I understand about being a nice person etc and I am, I think. I try to be kind. I have hobbies. I don’t think I’m super dull or boring.

But I am ugly.

I a regularly ignored, even more so now I’m 40, and I’ve had friends openly laugh at the idea of me wearing a certain thing or going to a certain event.
I frequently feel more and more that the world is not set up for ugly people. It has hampered relationships and friendships and I believe my job prospects. It’s amazing how attractive people have an automatic advantage - this isn’t bitterness, it is fact. People flock to what they see as attractive and value it. Sure, I have made a reasonable reputation but I have had to work much harder for it.

I really think being ugly has made my life at least twice as hard as if I were average or attractive - from not getting served quickly in places, to struggling to make friends. People always assume if you are ugly you are worthless and increasingly I am starting to feel like I am.

AIBU to think the world is just not set up for ugly people?

Aside from your looks it would be impossible to have even a glimmer of confidence with the type of friends that you have got…..these people are NOT your friends, ditch them before they do any more damage

I think you have to roll with the punches more, and brush things off

No she doesn’t, she needs to ditch these toxic damaging friends, there is no way I would be friends with people who ever treated me like that….women don’t need to tolerate other women’s bitchy nonsense

I know it sounds like semantics but UGLY means something really specific to me and so I stand by my remarks that I have never seen an ugly face.

I’ve seen faces that are objectively more attractive than others, and I have also seen faces that are less aesthetically pleasing. Maybe plain isn’t the right word and it suggests something middling, and I guess if it’s a straightforward law of averages, then some of us are at the bottom of the pile while others are at the top. I got the ‘short, fat’ gene and I didn’t win the beauty lottery either. So I agree with you OP that it’s harder for those of us who are afflicted in this way.

But ‘ugly’? I genuinely have never seen an ugly face

Haven't read all the post but I'm with you op. I am ugly, I've recently lost 6stone as well thinking I'll not be has bad and it's made me worse! For the people saying I'm sure your not ugly etc etc it's patronizing! I do think you need more friends tho! No friend should laugh AT you.

You seem quite intelligent OP. I wonder how these so-called friends of yours would like it if every time they got something wrong (the sort of thing you'd get right or know about with ease) you snickered like Muttley from The Wacky Races. "You know Desdemona, when you keep your mouth shut, people forget how stupid you are."

The world is kinder to those who are attractive. Pretty privilege really exists and physical ugliness isn't a figment of anyone's imagination. If it was, life would be a lot easier for people with severe burns damage and illnesses like neurofibromatosis. Yet here we are, living in a world where the visual has enormous power and good looks are currency. That said, "friends" who run you down and make you miserable will do nothing to improve what you see in the mirror. All they're doing is flattering themselves at your expense; you deserve better than them.

OP. Beauty comes from within. On the outside I'm told I'm very attractive (great) and my job is contingent on my looks but it's my personality that shines through and from some of the comments on surgery etc I just think wow. Here's to the sisterhood. You're golden OP. Be you. There's only one you

Hugs, OP.

I do think that when a lot of women start losing their looks, then they finally get how very real "pretty privilege" is.

And I have had friends snigger quite often if I’ve expressed an interest in wearing a current fashion or I remember once saying I thought someone was attractive and they laughed then too - as in you haven’t got a hope. Well no, I knew that. I was just joining in the conversation and a lot of them were talking about people they thought were good looking.

And therein lies the problem. Your ‘friends’ are wrecking your confidence. Find better company and you will start to feel better about yourself. The sniggering sounds awful

Oh I love this for you ♥️

I say this to anyone and everyone feeling invisible - have your colours done professionally and wear more red.

I've had more compliments since getting my colours done - even the same people treat me differently if I'm wearing a bold colour like red.

Me too! As In I love this for you too! ❤️

So you are just early 40’s? I think as other women have said. This is when you can really level the playing field on people who had the embodiment of youth. After 35. We don’t have that. Under my blonde hair that I wrap with the Dyson, fifteen layers of fake tan, I’ve had injectables, I look like I’m 95. But you can use what you’ve got, improve and tweak it a little and I bet you will feel you come into your own

There's already a thread on here about people who think they're ugly. Exactly the same debate. Why start another one and repeat it all over again.

Faking it helps. I’m so sorry and so glad you are finding the strength to move on

Exactly!

I'm really plain, I have no chin and a short neck. I've always been fat. Very short body, huge boobs and a big belly no waist whatsover, no amount of exercise tones me up and my stomach has never been flat, but my hair is. My bum is narrow at the bottom and tapers out upwards to my waistline instead of the classic small waist tapering out to wider hips and bottom. I have flat feet. Murky green grey eyes which are of noticeably different sizes and very large teeth. I have naturally dry skin too which leads to eczema patches on my face. If you asked me which celebrity I most resemble, it's undoubtedly Gromit.

Age has not improved me, losing sone weight has not improved me.

It doesn't matter when people say oh you're not ugly, ugly people know we're ugly. We're not automatically stupid too. I don't lack confidence, I know I'm good at many things and on the whole a fairly decent person though clearly not a saint.

And I can say without hesitation, coming from a VERY attractive family, that being good looking makes life miles easier and more pleasant. People want to be nice to you, whereas I've always been a second class citizen.

One of my sisters is objectively beautiful, in the real sense of the word. She looks like Blake Lively. People turn their heads to look at her. Sadly she's quite a horrid person, yet even though she is cruel, vacillating, a liar but not a good one and lazy, people are still drawn to her because of her looks and linger on long after they should.

Good looks get you a better quality of life

So you are just early 40’s? I think as other women have said. This is when you can really level the playing field on people who had the embodiment of youth. After 35. We don’t have that. Under my blonde hair that I wrap with the Dyson, fifteen layers of fake tan, I’ve had injectables, I look like I’m 95. But you can use what you’ve got, improve and tweak it a little and I bet you will feel you come into your own

Not trying to pee on anyone’s strawberries, but surely a really attractive person is going to look better in their 40s than an unattractive person of the same age?

I dont think anyone is ugly.
I think people just need to love themselves more.

I think a lot of people don't realise how shallow some other people are.

Like pp I've seen both sides of the coin - first being conventionally attractive and slim, then gaining a lot of weight suddenly. I realised several people were only ever hanging around with me because of how I previously looked - pretty depressing, actually!

I think you need better friends. Yours sound mean and quite rude, actually.

I think generally good looking people do get an easier ride in some ways. But I've also noticed that very attractive women also get treated pretty poorly.

ETA I'm staying fat now so I know who my friends are 😆

Rather than made snide comments you could chose not to click on the thread title. Wouldn’t that be better for you rather than pointlessly making your self annoyed.

I think we all agree ‘ugly’ is relevant. My features are usual for certain ethnicity (shape of nose/ shape of face/thin lips) and where I am from I blend in and look familiar and safe/trustworthy… Sadly I’ve chosen to live far away from where I was born and am suddenly in the short and ugly category, rather than just common.

I know what you mean, and you are not unreasonable, but I have to admit, I’ve actually chosen not to border too. My skin could look better if I spent lots of money on it, I couple get pricier haircuts, get my eyebrows done. But I like being inconspicuous or not second-look-worthy. It’s like a magic invisibility cloak!
Yes, it affects friendships too sadly. Especially making new friends… It is what it is.

I just remind myself I’m a little living miracle who is aware of herself somehow, walking my short path on this miracle of a planet. Just like any bird, bee, or even the grass - we don’t need to be anything more.

Same here. I was a healthy size 12 with a good figure and looked "well". I had long hair and tried to be fashionable, wore nice make-up.
Then I got sepsis which spread to my brain this was 2021. My head was completely shaven, I had facial disfigurement from tissue having to be removed and feel weak and old. I'm 42.
I weight 7 stone and do not look well for it. I don't think I'll ever get over it all physically.
OP sorry for the derail, I too feel invisible and overlooked in general so I understand how you feel.
Your friends have been very unpleasant in mocking you. I would distance myself if possible.

When I see attractive young couples, I wonder if they are only going out with each other because they are both attractive, and I assume they probably have nothing to talk about and the sex is probably shit.

Maybe I’m being a bit Polly Anna here.

But I genuinely think every single human being can look acceptable. You can look well put together and hold yourself well.

I know this takes time energy confidence and money. But remember those makeover shows? As toxic as they were, the people always looked better!

I was good looking when I was younger (well right up until my mid fifties really before it all went down hill) and I’d be lying if I said on a day to day basis I didn’t get preferential treatment because I did. However, in the bigger picture I haven’t had a very happy personal life (relationships) and have been unhappy in most of my jobs. I’m now permanently single and live on a tight budget (and definitely no looker).

Your friends sound very mean.