AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

[Eminencegreige]

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

It's really is quite something.

I think they sound greedy, I would never eat that much at someone’s house even if offered! However I don’t understand why you kept making more and offering more!? Just because they don’t have self control it doesn’t mean you have to indulge it.

She displays a lot of disordered thinking around food.

It's really odd to me that you found it 'quite stressful' that people ate large portions of the food you prepared and offered to them.

The comment to your mutual friends about the amount of food you made for them was a compliment, not a criticism. Generous hosting is a good thing and they enjoyed your food. That's all there is to it.

The fact that you were noticing things like how much cream they poured on to their pudding and found it 'stressful' that they ate larger portions makes me wonder if you see food in a very different way to them. To you, it seems like a big appetite and eating a lot of food at someone's house is a negative thing, and you are therefore interpreting their comments as a negative thing. But 'Oh my god, we ate so much at so-and-so's house, the cakes just kept coming, I'm going to need to go on a diet now' is, for most people, simply a way of saying 'So-and-so is such a generous host, we couldn't resist her amazing food/homemade cakes'. They're not claiming you force-fed them.

We host and we're also rural so buying in extra stuff is quite an effort.
I have also been amazed at home some visitors treat my home like an inclusive holiday destination rather than our family home that we have invited them to.
We don't tend to have biscuits just in case, we're more bake a batch of scones or cinnamon buns once a month type of place so I can totally see myself writing this OP. Other people always bring their own food baggage to the table. You never really know what you are going to get.

Your poor guests 😅

'food baggage' is a new one for me. MN is a revelation about people's relationship with food - and friends!

Anyone else getting visions of Mrs Doyle?

Did they help themselves to more slices or did you offer? Some ppl get offended if not all their food is eaten so they may have thought it polite to eat as much as they could/were offered?

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

You specifically said your grievance was about the comments they made. Yet here you are pouring another liberal helping of scorn and judgment on their eating habits. Some friend you are 🙄

I suggest you cease hosting for a while to give everyone a break 😅

More Jim Royle vibes

I dont find this stressful tho. If we run out I say, oh sorry, the cream has all gone, and then I don't give it a second thought.
I certainly don't assume it makes me a bad hostess, and I certainly don't think it makes me guests greedy.

OP, has your thinking shifted at all after reading all these replies?

I also keep some nice vanilla ice cream in the freezer for such emergencies 😎

If things get really really bad I have some greek yoghurt

OP, I suggest you send your "friends" this thread.

#lifehack
#protip

Lasagne - that basically a portion with seconds! (per guest)

So you say - hey, that's the cream gone! Or if someone asks for me, you say Guest 1 used it up

I would be thrilled that my cooking and hospitality were so enthusiastically welcomed! People taking second helpings is always particularly gratifying

This thread is quite odd. Perhaps that was the intention. If you offer your guests cake or breakfast or whatever, you surely can’t be surprised if they accept it. You offered things “jokingly”? That’s a very odd approach. Monitoring what your guests consume and comparing it to the amount that you eat is also quite strange. And why bake additional cakes if you will be shocked when your guests eat them?

The comments about your cooking were complimentary. Sometimes people say that they will gain weight if someone cooks such delicious meals, but surely you can see it’s meant as a compliment?

OP's whole attitude is odd - to food, to hosting etc.

The OP would make a great waitress.

Diner: "Sorry, where's the soup of the day and rolls you offered us?"

OP: "Lol I was only joking sir".

🤣🤣