AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

[Eminencegreige]

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

Yes it’s like you are secretly testing them , if they said no to everything would you then be offended. It’s a bit of a no win for them!

Can I come and stay! Honestly you’re not a hotel are you? I used to go to that level of effort but some people are all take take take , but you do sound like the definition of insanity, younshiiidnhave stopped and gone out more to eat. You must have been exhausted after hosting them!

You host too much. What unpleasant men.

Everyone sounds a bit odd here, though you do sound like a generous host.
If they didn't want more they should have said, though I think they were most likely delighted with your cooking and joking that it was hard to turn down anything offered.
If you are used to hosting you must have realised they were eating loads, so I don't get why you "jokingly offered more" and didn't expect them to say yes? Or kept baking every day? No sane guest actually expects a cake each day. Most would accept the slice served, and say yes again when offered another the next day.

Your sense of humour doesn't seem well matched with theirs - or with previous party goers. Most would take those comment's as a light hearted complementary reflection on being a generous host, rather than a suggestion that you've been strapping them down and forcefeeding them. Appreciate you're upset here but it really doesn't sound like they were trying to insult you

The quantities of food consumed are off the charts. They had about four breakfasts in one sitting.

Personally I think they got home, realised they had gained about half a stone and took to SM to make a complimentary joke of it.

The next visitor is a weirdo.

Agree with this.

Making sure you have enough yummy food for guests = great host.

Complaining that your friends ate so much of the yummy food you offered them = really rude.

I'd probably do similar at your house, your food sounds amazing and generous and I'd definitely overeat then joke about it afterwards. Id say thankyou lots too! And tell everyone what a lovely time we had.

But then if you posted online about how greedy I'd been and how you were only joking when you offered more.... that'd be very rude and I'd definitely be offended. And not feel comfy at yours anymore.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

Well exactly. Stop 'jokingly' offering stuff... how weird.... stop offering stuff you're not willing to give, maybe they were eating to be polite.

Perhaps the food situation would've been less stressful, if her husband shared the cooking?

All through the thread it's been about the OP cooking only.

OP's own fault for cooking 3 cakes, isn't it? Her husband is sensible for not doing so if you ask me.

True, but the sense of martyrdom is strong.

If the cake was all gone on day one I would
not make another cake no. I would offer biscuits with tea instead or just tea.

Baffling to me how you “jokingly” offered them more food not just once, but multiple times!

In a way you did over feed them, you were probably just trying to be a good host, and they were probably trying to be polite and eat all your delicious home cooking. In this situation if the food wasn’t offered then I don’t think they would have asked for more would they?

This is madness to me, if you say you’ve carefully planned each meal and bought the ingredients etc then WHY offer them anything else after??? This is all your doing. Did at any point they ASK you for more food other than the stuff you offered them? Yes you said they ate more of the desserts than you anticipated so that may be slightly annoying but the rest is on you for offering.

What words am I twisting? Where she referred to their "gargantuan meals?" Or their "pigging out"? Or "It was alarming to see how much they ate" (at that point they'd only had ONE meal!) Or "the food situation felt very stressful" or "they went for it with a vengeance" or "I expect a bit of moderation from guests?"

None of that is about what they said afterwards, it's all about how much they ate, and it's judgy and unpleasant.

I wouldn't talk about someone I disliked like that, let alone friends!

And the whole point is that she didn't get "negative comments" about it! She's hearing about it second hand, and even then the worst that they apparently said is that she gave them lots of delicious food and they ate it...which is exactly what happened.

I am an excellent cook and a small eater - rather like the OP.

if I were the OP I'd be very flattered if people found my food so delicious they overindulged. I certainly wouldn't judge them for it.

I'm not sure how offering cheese and biscuits at the end of a meal can be a joke. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. I don't get the humour in that at all. If I

But can’t you see @Eminencegreige that by making another cake and then another you are putting onto them eating it again and probably felt too awkward to say anything then

I like it when Air bnb places provide milk/coffee etc but food baked goods it is adding an expectation that as a good guest I will eat it.

why didn’t you serve the lasagna or say feel free to leave jt

they are telling you you did too much

Wondered how long it would before the husband got the blame!

What a bizarre humble brag, tinged with some teeny tiny eating by you the host.

Do you actually enjoy these visits? Do they ever invite you to stay?

They're supposed to be a team and he appears to have done fuck all in the way of cooking 🤷‍♂️

Perhaps if he'd done his share, the OP wouldn't be stressing over this non issue.

Am I the only one who gets 'food issues' vibes from OP?

Mumsnet is really on fire today!

Op makes too many cases and is upset when her guests eat and enjoy them.
Posters blame the man of the house for not making extra cakes too.

Love it.

Gosh that's really quite a stretch to miss the point you've managed there.

The point you're pretending not to understand, is that if the OP and her DH hosted as a couple and shared the cooking, she probably wouldn't be watching her guests so closely and 'jokingly' offering the food.

And just being stressed and weird in general about the visit.

Nope. That's your stretch, not mine. How do we know the husband wasn't on drinks duty and resentfully counting corks as they popped open OPs extensive wine collection? How do we know he wasn't on cleaning duties all weekend? Perhaps he was constantly furiously washing up? Perhaps OP loves cooking and doesn't like anyone else in the kitchen helping?

We don't. We don't know any of that.

You've just made a massive and very typical mumsnet assumption and I am absolutely here for it 😊

The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us

You'll be able to give them normal sized meals next time they come then. They sound like greedy buggers polishing off whole cakes and loaves etc.

Nope. Several posters have remarked on this.