To say going to bed really early is equal to bed rotting by getting up late ?

[RobertaBeckett]

Dh starting to be to bed at 1030 even 10 doenst get up till just before 9

yet gets grumpy if you don’t get up before 9 ….

i say it’s equal

Eg lots of the 'jobs' in a household often HAVE to be done early. Children are often up needing supervising, school preparation needs doing like lunchboxes, making sure they have their reading book, making sure kids are dressed, clean, teeth brushed, feeding pets, walking the dog. Often the night owl dodges all this entirely and then when they have their 'extra time' from say 10pm onwards it's spent on themselves, relaxing, not on stuff that benefits the family.

Difficult to work out what you're actually saying or asking. (sorry if English is your second language).

10.30pm is NOT early. It's a very normal grown up bedtime.

So he's going to bed at 10pm and not getting up til 9am? If he's sleeping all that time then that's unusual.

I go to bed 10pm, asleep by 11pm then get up 6.30am. I have kids. I get up and do stuff with them as that's normal and fun.

If you don't have kids and don't have to be at work early then stay up later and go to bed later.

Surely it depends on lifestyle?

I like to go to bed at 9, watch TV then go to sleep when I'm tired. In the morning I'm pretty much always up by 7ish on weekdays or a little later at weekends but if I don't have any plans for the day and nobody needs to be anywhere I'll happily make a coffee, take it back.to bed and get up when necessary. Life is so busy that I take the opportunity for a laze whenever I can. Pre kids I was very much a night owl but I often worked lates so I guess my body clock adapted to that, earlies were a killer whereas now I'm wide awake by 7.30am at the latest.

As long as daily needs are being met what does it have to do with anybody else what time you go to bed or get up?

I'm a night owl, I also have ADHD (and am autistic) so I really struggle to switch off at night, regardless of the time I got up.

I'm self-employed so frequently I'm working until 3am or so (that's not why I can't sleep early). Sometimes I'm up until it's light and it's lovely to see the sunrise - but then I head off to bed.

I often eat my dinner at about 10pm, sometimes later! 🫣

I realise I'm at quite an extreme end of the night owl spectrum, but I've never liked early mornings, even when I was getting up to take the DC to school. I had a temporary job for a while that started at 6am and it was a terrible fit. I was almost glad when I tore my foot ligaments and had to quit 😂

Getting up at 8 in the morning isn't being a late riser.

I care for two disabled DC, and a DM who has dementia (she lives in our annexe), plus I have a DH with a neurological condition who can't help out. I work very hard in a self-employed role to pay the bills. I have virtually no time to myself.

And yet, my whole life I have battled this feeling of being judged as lazy because of my sleep/wake patterns.

Society definitely judges night owls differently than larks.

Just to add, I don't expect the house to wait for me, or to be quiet if I'm still sleeping and they're awake. I do expect a bit of consideration - for example, if DP is standing outside our bedroom door and he wants to talk to DC, I expect him to go and find them rather than bellow from where he's standing! (We have no bedroom door at the moment and my head is right by the doorway!!) Other than that, hoovering, showering, etc can all be done as usual. (Hollow laugh at the idea of someone else doing the housework....) If we're going somewhere, I'm up and ready with everyone else. Usually before them actually!

Wish I could go to sleep early. Im definitely a night owl - wake up around 9pm - doesn't even matter how early I get up. I could easily go to bed after 12 and stay in bed until 10am every day - fat chance!

Good for him.

10pm isn’t early. 7pm is which is the time I sometimes turn in.

My bed is 15 years old, sheets regularly changed and shows no signs of ‘rotting.’

I go to bed when sleepy and get up when I wake. Isn't that what most people do?

What time do you go to bed

10.30 is a late night for me!

I think in this case it doesn't matter as you're not leaving morning routine to someone else, the only reason I can see why someone should be judged is if they lie in bed everyday and leave someone else to do it all.

If he’s staying in bed for 10-10.5 hours that’s still a long time for an adult.

As others have said, I think it’s more about how you spend your waking hours.

I have no idea what you mean

You sound a lot like me! I worked night shifts in a bakery for a while and loved being up as the sun rose, then going to bed afterwards. I sleep through any noise, so if someone wanted to hoover (as if!) in the mornings they’d be more than welcome!

My DP is an early bird and it’s taken a while for him to accept that my ‘lie-ins’ are actually just me getting 8 hours sleep, but those hours start at 2am as I often work until 9-10pm.

10.30 is really early. How can you do anything in the evenings if you are heading home and getting ready for bed by 10. Even my dcs activities don’t finish until 9.30-10pm a couple of days a week. Often later, and of course the older ones can be out till the early hours, and no one is going to sleep then. Far fewer things are going on in the world 5am-9am than are happening 8pm-midnight. It’s fine to be an early riser but it’s antisocial to be religiously early to bed IMO.

i couldn’t go to walking group, running club, theatre, choir, pub quiz and other regular activities including many meetings for local organisations if I went to bed at 10pm, and my dc couldn’t go to guides, tennis, karate if I had to got to bed at 9 either. Im often still at work at 9-9.30pm

No one is going to the theatre or guides at 6am, its reducing your choices in life

So as a night worker my sleep pattern is all over the place on my days off. Some nights I can be in bed for 9 watching tv other times I’m still up at 3am. I naturally wake up about 8.30. When I worked days and was up at 5.30 I struggled to stay up later than 10pm. And with less than 7.5 hrs sleep I struggled to concentrate etc. with the natural sleep rhythm I can function on 5 hrs now for my nights and my days off I can catch up.

everyone’s different and if he’s tired and needs the sleep then leave him to it.

if he’s missing family things, or doesn’t pull his weight with housework etc then that’s different.

I go to bed about 10 but I watch TV , play games on my iPad until about 12:30 and then read until 1:30-2 , I’m always up by 9 . The going to bed at 10 is a habit from before our dog died as he liked to go up at 10 and if you didn’t he just barked endlessly , it’s a hard habit to break . I can’t actually go to sleep earlier than I do .

There's quite a bit of research that shows night owls can be more prone to depression than larks.

'10.30 is really early.' 🙄
It's a perfectly normal time for an adult to go to bed.

But he isn’t going to bed early. And if you’re up by 9am you’re not exactly bed rotting are you? What an odd post.

Disagree with that a bit, there's lots of loud stuff people might want to do at night. All my family (as in parents and siblings) are night owls so we would watch TV, cook, chat, do laundry, shower etc until 1am or after. Now I have adapted to only do quiet things after my OH goes to bed, and in turn he's quieter in the morning than when he was growing up with early risers.

Having said that we're probably at the extreme end of the scale as he's in bed 9.30/10-6am (farmer) and I'm in bed 2am-10am (not a farmer) 😂

7pm... do you work nights? You must be ready to get up by 2am?

I can happily go to bed at 9pm, read and then sleep well especially if I get to sleep before my snoring, jittering DH climbs in to bed. I wake up early, 6.30ish, feeling rested.

Get into bed at the same time or after DH, I feel wrecked and tired the next day and certainly not for a good reason.

Going to bed early is my lie in especially now the mornings are so bastardly light! Urgh!!

Absolutely. Someone could get up at 10 or 11am and be working almost straight through until 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning - would they be lazier than someone getting up at 7 and doing a standard 8 hour day? It depends on your working arrangements as well as your circadian rhythm. I've never understood why getting up later should be a moral issue.

It's actually quite interesting. There was a thread about this when it turned out that people saying "I would be tired to go to bed late like you" and vice versa were surprise when few of us pointed out, the actual sleep hours are the same for both sides. Also quite a few apparel slept like 10 hours based on times they havw given if I remember correctly which is a lot (though, yes, very few do need that).

And yes, it is odd that early mornings are so praised. A LOT of people are most active in the evening and get creative juoces flowing at later hours.

I'm a night owl.. I go to bed around midnight on work days (up at 6.45am) and usually 2am at weekends ..up around 8/8.30. That's the sleep I need. I cannot sleep any earlier unless I'm ill.

Dh works horrible shifts so sometimes is in bed by 8pm for 2.30 am starts, so we are very mismatched!

Bed rotting is what my teenagers used to do... still in bed at 2pm for no real reason ... luckily that only lasted a year or so!

Having done all sorts of different routines in my life, due to a variety of factors from work to child care, I'm not sure i believe in the notion of night owls etc, its just a routine that is changeable