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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this rude comments/ remarks are very racist ?

131 replies

Olaolaolalola · 18/05/2025 14:32

DS is in year 7 and goes to an independent school. He is new to school and has made many good friends. So DS was invited for a birthday party and was 3 hours late as he had a fixture at school.

While he was going to the party DS was sent number of audio records by a boy who was also invited to the party and was already at birthday boy’s home. In that audio I can hear boys laughing and 2 boys especially mocking and making rude and offensive remarks to my son.

I will phrase it to give you a better understanding of it. (We are of Asian descent and DS was born and brought up in London) I can hear 2 boys saying - “don’t come to the party, play cricket and go home and eat curry”,
”go to your mother and sit with her”. These 2 boys made entire 5 minutes audio mimicking Indian accent, calling my son from his nickname and shaming him for being called that and asking him not to come to party repeatedly and making fun of his haircut. Please note, none of the comments was made by birthday boy so other classmates asking him not to come doesn’t bother DS.

He is very bothered by the comments made by 2 friends about his ethnicity and parents. DS is emotionally and psychologically down. I can see he is broken and this incident had torn him down. As a mother I am furious to see my child sad and what trauma it had caused him. He has never faced this kind of racism/ situation in his entire life.

One of the 2 boys realised his mistake and is really sorry. I am happy that he realised his mistake and promised to be a better friend in future. I appreciate that. However I want to take this matter forward to school and let them handle this situation.

I think that the entire situation was highly racist and needs to be handled properly. What you all think ?

thanks

OP posts:
StRochSixEight · 18/05/2025 14:34

Definitely send it to the school; this is racist bullying and needs to be dealt with.

FuzzyPuffling · 18/05/2025 14:35

Nasty, but nothing to do with school as it didn't happen there. I'm afraid it's yours to deal with.
And keep a close eye out for any repeat behaviours.

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 18/05/2025 14:36

FuzzyPuffling · 18/05/2025 14:35

Nasty, but nothing to do with school as it didn't happen there. I'm afraid it's yours to deal with.
And keep a close eye out for any repeat behaviours.

Edited

It didn't happen at school but they're a group of children who go to school together and can be addressed as a group there as well as by parents.

floppybit · 18/05/2025 14:36

You must send the recordings to the school so that they can make the parents of these boys aware of what has happened.

nomas · 18/05/2025 14:37

FuzzyPuffling · 18/05/2025 14:35

Nasty, but nothing to do with school as it didn't happen there. I'm afraid it's yours to deal with.
And keep a close eye out for any repeat behaviours.

Edited

Of course the school will want to know.

OP, this is 💯 racist.

chachahide · 18/05/2025 14:39

Really disappointing that in 2025 kids are obviously still learning this from their parents. Kids aren’t born racist. I’d be fuming Op.

School should be made aware so this can be addressed in PSHE.

PashaMinaMio · 18/05/2025 14:43

You must let the school know.
I’d also go and see the parents.
Show up their nasty little racist runts.
You have the proof, so why wouldn’t you?

(Runt - smallest one in a litter)

GenderFluid90 · 18/05/2025 14:46

Very racist. Report them. Even if it didn't happen at school hours

Parents need to know they've raised bullies. But to be fair it's probably the parents they get it from.

CurlewKate · 18/05/2025 14:50

Of course tell the school. And of course DON’T go and see the parents- who knows what you might be laying yourself open to? I would want a meeting with at least the Head of Year-preferably the Headteacher. Don’t let them minimise it-this is serious. Your poor son-I do hope he’s OK. It must have shaken you all badly.

Olaolaolalola · 18/05/2025 14:50

I am surprised that these 2 boys are children of immigrants themselves. One is Muslim and other I think is Buddhist.

OP posts:
PickwickPaperFile · 18/05/2025 14:55

Or maybe speak to the parents? Why would school do anything about it happening at a birthday party? What do people do in the summer holidays? What till school goes back??

sesquipedalian · 18/05/2025 14:57

“One of the 2 boys realised his mistake and is really sorry. I am happy that he realised his mistake and promised to be a better friend in future. I appreciate that. However I want to take this matter forward to school and let them handle this situation.”

OP, what do you hope to gain by taking it forward to the school? Doubtless the two boys will be in trouble - which is a bit hard on the boy who has faced up to his wrongdoing and apologised. If you take it to school and they are spoken to/punished, how do you think they will then regard your son? I can’t see it making the situation better, and it is possible that it will also lead to others being less than friendly towards your son. I’d tell your son to avoid the boy who wasn’t sorry, and move on. I certainly don’t think racism is in any way acceptable, but I just wonder whether you might be in danger of making things worse.

QuickMember · 18/05/2025 14:57

The comments were definitely racist. Although this did not happen at school, you can address the issue through school. It is important for the children to learn basic respect and decency, not to be repeating racist language and outdated tropes that they’ve obviously picked up from somewhere, likely at home.

All the best to you.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 14:58

This isn't anything to do with the school.

TakeMe2Insanity · 18/05/2025 14:59

This is racist. Do take it to the school.

3 hrs late for a birthday party is pretty ridiculous though.

QuickMember · 18/05/2025 15:01

Also, I’ve noticed myself there is a wave of anti Indian sentiment coming from other south Asians also. I’ve experienced it myself and although the boy apologised to your son, I would actually write to the school, focusing more on the education of children when it comes to how they treat each other, rather than making it all about certain names. You can mention the names, it’s just that this is a broader issue than just one or two boys being mean.

AgathaX · 18/05/2025 15:03

Nothing to do with the school, you need to speak to their parents. Bullying in whatever form it takes is horrible.
Why surprised that the children involved were children of immigrants though?

pikkumyy77 · 18/05/2025 15:05

Olaolaolalola · 18/05/2025 14:50

I am surprised that these 2 boys are children of immigrants themselves. One is Muslim and other I think is Buddhist.

Self loathing bigotry and sucking up to white bigots are both things.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 18/05/2025 15:07

I am so sorry that your ds has experienced this. I am sure that the school will want to be aware of this kind of racist bullying. It doesn't matter if some of the boys are from immigrant families themselves...sometimes kids do stupid things to try to fit in, but it is not acceptable and needs to be dealt with.

I hope your ds is OK.

Floatingonahope · 18/05/2025 15:08

Send it to the school. They may not be able to intervene directly but they will be able to shape their inputs to deal with the wider issues here. I’d also end it to their parents. If it were my kid, I’d want to know.

Whoarethoseguys · 18/05/2025 15:09

FuzzyPuffling · 18/05/2025 14:35

Nasty, but nothing to do with school as it didn't happen there. I'm afraid it's yours to deal with.
And keep a close eye out for any repeat behaviours.

Edited

It didn't happen at school but the school can certainly help by talking to all the children about racism, being kind, respecting discrimination differences etc
OP shouldn't have to deal with this herself

Hoohaz · 18/05/2025 15:09

I would send the audio clips to the school and to the kids' parents.

huuskymam · 18/05/2025 15:09

I would absolutely make the school aware, they probably won't do anything in this instance but they would watch out for any racist remarks or bullying towards your son going forward. At least one of them realised how horrible he's been, that's something I suppose.

Olaolaolalola · 18/05/2025 15:10

Also I went through school’s anti bullying policy and it mentions that all kinds of bullying in and outside school should be immediately reported.

OP posts:
MaryGreenhill · 18/05/2025 15:12

I would be tempted to go to the police tbh OP .