To think that this rude comments/ remarks are very racist ?

[Olaolaolalola]

DS is in year 7 and goes to an independent school. He is new to school and has made many good friends. So DS was invited for a birthday party and was 3 hours late as he had a fixture at school.

While he was going to the party DS was sent number of audio records by a boy who was also invited to the party and was already at birthday boy’s home. In that audio I can hear boys laughing and 2 boys especially mocking and making rude and offensive remarks to my son.

I will phrase it to give you a better understanding of it. (We are of Asian descent and DS was born and brought up in London) I can hear 2 boys saying - “don’t come to the party, play cricket and go home and eat curry”,
”go to your mother and sit with her”. These 2 boys made entire 5 minutes audio mimicking Indian accent, calling my son from his nickname and shaming him for being called that and asking him not to come to party repeatedly and making fun of his haircut. Please note, none of the comments was made by birthday boy so other classmates asking him not to come doesn’t bother DS.

He is very bothered by the comments made by 2 friends about his ethnicity and parents. DS is emotionally and psychologically down. I can see he is broken and this incident had torn him down. As a mother I am furious to see my child sad and what trauma it had caused him. He has never faced this kind of racism/ situation in his entire life.

One of the 2 boys realised his mistake and is really sorry. I am happy that he realised his mistake and promised to be a better friend in future. I appreciate that. However I want to take this matter forward to school and let them handle this situation.

I think that the entire situation was highly racist and needs to be handled properly. What you all think ?

thanks

Anyone can be Muslim, not just Asians.
I'm not saying this to sound sparky. Just meant that if he's Asian also, then he is obviously a total wally but these are 11/12yo and need to be taught a lesson either by school or by their parents.

Schools have enough to deal with and this didn't happen at school.

But the policy says tell the school...

Every school i've worked in would want to know.

DS was late because he had to go for fixture. Their bus broke down and had to wait 2 and half hours at the middle of nowhere. He really wanted to go as it’s his friend’s party and he wanted him to come as well.

It didn't happen at school, it will be very hard for them to do anything.

@Olaolaolalola please please
please don’t approach the parents yourself.

Agree

Yes, and if after reporting to the police they thought there were further issues, they could inform the school if they deemed it relevant. Schools have enough to deal with without parents abrogating their own responsibilities regarding their children, then expecting schools to deal with issues occurring outwith of the school.

But it’s phone group of 4 good friends and the audio is sent to DS. Studying in same class and calling your friend, “go and eat curry at home and play cricket “ is insensitive. I am really happy that school policy states, to be informed to school about such incidents.

School first, if they don’t do anything then police

I would have thought there are proper ways of dealing with racist bullying at school. Not punishment and talking to, but addressing the whole issue in a positive way, showing the children that its hurtful and teaching them how not to hurt people.

In my experience, the school won't want to know.

They can be made aware of the racist bullying so that they can keep an eye on matters at school, but they won't want to address something that happened elsewhere.

Think most people are suggesting to tell school, so that they are aware of potential risk issues, not to do the role of parenting. So schools can keep an eye and Msybe do some extra PHSE lessons etc

That puts a different gloss on the matter. In that case, the school might well be more proactive.

Yes, definitely I won’t do that.

Why? The school is there to educate children, there should be various ways of teaching them whats right and whats wrong. The children are still fairly young so arent necessarily able to tell that what is said at home isnt appropriate.

My dad was from Eastern Europe. At school, I was called a half-caste one day. (This was chanted in class whilst the teacher was out of the room.)

There were three other girls with Eastern European dads in the class. Two kept very quiet; the third joined in the chanting... I'm guessing that they were scared that their friends might pick on them.

@Koalafan why does the policy say tell them?

They will be aware which is important

Imho the school should be addressing the whole racist bullying issue as a whole, not the one particular incident.

They should, but it depends very much on the school. Given what the OP has said about the school asking to be informed, I'm a bit more hopeful than I was.

I highly emphasise on this. No harsh punishments but making children understand that racial remarks can hurt other people’s feeling and sentiments.

We'd want to know in our school so issues could be raised through PSHE and also so we could keep an eye on the situation. I would say to the school that one of the boys has apologised. Children learn best when they are safe and happy.

I hope this is sorted out for your ds and these children learn better behaviour.

Of course it’s a matter for the school. They attend the same school as a group, so the school need to be aware of the incident so they can deal with any recurrence in school hours. They can also reiterate to students that this is racist behaviour and as such is unacceptable.

Their parents also need to be involved as there is no point reprimanding the kids if the mentality is still in place in the homes

What part of go home eat curry and mimicking the Indian accent for the duration of the recording is not racist to you.

pretty sure even a neo nazi would acknowledge this is racist.

Incorrect. Schools can impose reasonable sanction pupils for bad behaviour short of criminal activity, even if that takes place away from the school site.

Edited to say that the DfE has issued guidance in this regard