To think that this rude comments/ remarks are very racist ?

[Olaolaolalola]

DS is in year 7 and goes to an independent school. He is new to school and has made many good friends. So DS was invited for a birthday party and was 3 hours late as he had a fixture at school.

While he was going to the party DS was sent number of audio records by a boy who was also invited to the party and was already at birthday boy’s home. In that audio I can hear boys laughing and 2 boys especially mocking and making rude and offensive remarks to my son.

I will phrase it to give you a better understanding of it. (We are of Asian descent and DS was born and brought up in London) I can hear 2 boys saying - “don’t come to the party, play cricket and go home and eat curry”,
”go to your mother and sit with her”. These 2 boys made entire 5 minutes audio mimicking Indian accent, calling my son from his nickname and shaming him for being called that and asking him not to come to party repeatedly and making fun of his haircut. Please note, none of the comments was made by birthday boy so other classmates asking him not to come doesn’t bother DS.

He is very bothered by the comments made by 2 friends about his ethnicity and parents. DS is emotionally and psychologically down. I can see he is broken and this incident had torn him down. As a mother I am furious to see my child sad and what trauma it had caused him. He has never faced this kind of racism/ situation in his entire life.

One of the 2 boys realised his mistake and is really sorry. I am happy that he realised his mistake and promised to be a better friend in future. I appreciate that. However I want to take this matter forward to school and let them handle this situation.

I think that the entire situation was highly racist and needs to be handled properly. What you all think ?

thanks

Please DO tell the school! My daughters school often hold assemblies regarding bad behaviour by pupils that have happened out of school hours, I would hope they'd hold an assembly and raise awareness that this was not ok and speak to the 2 boys in question.

Won't the school ask if you've spoken to the parents about the incident?

Equally as much as the parents should pull their DC up and have a chat about what was said and why it's wrong will it cause problems between the parents and yourself if the first they hear of it would be via the school?

Just thinking that myself!

Completely agree OP. Report to the school and don’t let them fob you off with meaningless, pathetic apologies and excuses.

Make the school aware but no blame should be put onto school. The parents are at fault.

That depends on whether the school are aware that this sort of thing is happening. Once it’s been brought to their attention they should be doing their part to stamp it out.

No you have to take it to school- it is really important that they know about it and can address racism there. Just because it did not happen at school does not mean OP has to deal with it herself. She is better not dealing with it - in my experience racist kids have rascist parents - let the school deal with it

That’s disgraceful behaviour, your poor son! I think I would involve the school because although the incident didn’t happen at school your son is going to have to see these boys there all week and school should be aware that there’s been a racist bullying incident so they can make sure your son is ok

Why? It's nothing to do with the school

~What makes you think they won't carry on at school?

I'll bet anything they do

Then it’s up to the school to deal with any such incidents that happen in school

For everything you mentioned, I'd go to the police.

Definitely report to the school. Did you keep the clips as evidence?

Why would the school apologise?

This
I disagree it has "nothing to do with school" like pp said, as it's racist bullying and I'd be absolutely mortified if mine had done that to another child, I'd want to know about it to deal with it!
What they said was disgusting and need to be pulled up on it.

You know perfectly well that this poster was speaking about your post, not the incident.

I’m amazed how many commenters have schools that would care about something that’s happened elsewhere. I know ours wouldn’t.

Tell the school op.

I wasn't saying the content wasn't racist, because it was, it was more the implications in the questions directed at me on a previous comment (basically suggesting that I'd report other crime to the school but not this).

Thanks, you're correct.

Surely by making the school aware they know that your child has been bullied, so know the situation and can keep an eye out, and maybe an assembly and learning about racism would be a good idea like a pp said.
They'd absolutely want to know.

So I got an apology from Parent feeling absolutely sorry about their son’s behaviour. They had a talk over and the kid is feeling apologetic for his actions.

BUT no apology from other child who was the biggest racist than the other one. Now I don’t want to drag this boy to school as he sincerely accepts his mistake and very sorry. The school might give him sanctions so want to end it here for this boy.

Now how should I approach the other boy. If I take the matter to school, both boys will be called out.

Our school would tell you to go to the police with it if it happened out of hours on personal devices. It's definitely worth making them aware of the situation though.

It's absolutely racist and I am very sorry your little lad had to listen to that nonsense being said about him. Even though the incident did not happen at school, it's highly unlikely that kids who say racist crap outside of school don't also say it when they are at school. As such I would likely suggest making an urgent appointment with whoever the appropriate contact is at the school - the head of year?? - to tell them exactly what happened, say you have recordings that were given to you by someone else (take them along if necessary) and say that you are very concerned that your child - and others at the school - are being targeted by horrible racist abuse.

If I was a head of year/headteacher I would immediately make sure that all year groups have some extra teaching/instruction about harassment/discrimination and make sure the children - and parents/caregivers - understand that the school has a zero tolerance policy with respect to racism of any kind. The jey here is that the school should also be making sure that the parents of all the children at the school are made aware that racist language is never acceptable - ever.

It may be the case that your son might benefit from having a therapist or some third party to talk to about this - because alas this won't be the first time he has to endure this kind of crud. And if he's given some coping mechanisms/ways to deal with that kind of nonsense from people who are trained to counsel youngsters about that sort of thing he may feel not only that his worries are being taken seriously, but also that he is more empowered in future. You may want to wait a bit though before doing that (or not call the person a "therapist" - perhaps a tutor or someesuch - because kids can also be unpleasant to children who go to therapists - and he might think he's done something wrong - which of course he has not.

Sending him lots of kind thoughts - what happened to him is cruddy and you are absolutely right to be very angry and upset.

As the incident did not happen at school OP perhaps this should this be a parent and police matter?