Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

Yeah if it had been a woman greeter this wouldn't have been a post.

Forced to interact with an unknown male is one of the most dramatic ways of describing a store worker doing his job.

This is mumsnet after all..

I suppose if you not the engaging type with strangers it can seem unnecessary, personally I speak with so few people daily it’s nice someone greets me and I always respond.

it’s likely it is to deter shoplifting which has become a huge issue for retailers and I welcome them protecting their business as it protects the prices we pay.

my DD’s MIL has a thing she does, smile and wave, and walk away, ie engage but don’t engage (you don’t have to wave). Imagine you are that person at the door and everyone who enters blanks you, that you are invisible to them, rather sad imo.

He's just DOING HIS JOB. Literally saying hello to people. There are so many people on here seriously lacking in social skills if having someone say hello to them - with no expectation of any reaction - makes them feel "harassed".

Fucks sake.

Nod
Smile
Crack on with your day
Same as you would if he was a woman.
What is the world coming to where saying hi and bye is considered harassment.
For some people that may be their only interaction of the day

There are reasons why some folk feel uncomfortable with forced interaction. If you cannot relate then be thankful for that. 💖

Why did you highlight the fact he’s male? I get the impression if it was a female you wouldn’t have started this thread.
Just smile and nod politely as you enter. It’s really not hard.

I don't enjoy forced interaction with females either.

Ooh I'd find him very annoying but I guess for some people he may be the only nice person they talk to that day so perhaps it's not that bad.

Obviously the shopping centers communication with there own staff isn't great and I guess either someone reported him or security are hot on there cctv watching.

@Pbjsand as pp have said the member of staff is just doing his job, ignore or engage but don't let it get under your skin.

The option is there for you to ignore the greeter 🤷🏼‍♀️

YAB VERY U

Unsure what relevance it is to being a male 'greeter'. He's not doing you any harm. Speak to him, or don't. Your choice.

It might be an idea for you to brush up on your social skills/manners. It takes zero effort to say hello/good morning/good afternoon etc

9 times out of 10, ill take any opportunity to support women who feel harassed by strange men.

This is that 1/10.

Ignore him, say a quick "hey", whatever. But please don't suggest this is harassment, youre diluting the meaning of the term for genuine harassing situations which is why a lot of us will end up not being taken seriously anymore

If you are very regular at the shop and he's always there when you go in, he will soon learn to just smile your way if you don't acknowledge him, and not speak to you.

I greet my customers when they come in the shop (I'm not in the doorway, but facing it), and I know which customers like a smile and hello, which ones like me to greet them by name, and which prefer not to make any contact at all. Those I might smile and nod at, but I won't speak to.

It's our job. He's not greeting you maliciously.

I do, and have posted that above. The point is that OP IS struggling with this interaction, and others minimising her feelings because they don't share them won't help her.

I understand that. I guess the issue is realistically nothing can be done if the store has greeters I doubt they'll change. Might be worth visiting a different store.

Well she acknowledges then that SHE is the one with the problem and that this bloke is doing nothing wrong. And if it makes her feel SO harassed and uncomfortable, then she shops somewhere else.

And gets therapy.

The point is that it might feel like harassment to the OP. I do agree with you that this probably isn't harassment, and the man is doing his job, but it isn't as simple as telling the OP to 'just say hi'. I actually often ignore folk when they try to force interaction with me, but I'm then labelled as rude, when really I'm just not interested/comfortable interacting at that point in time. I feel like forcing interaction is also rude, if someone clearly isn't interested. We're all different and folk should respect that.

Yes I suspect I’m being a bit AIBU, not sure why it bothers me SO much. Yes I think it’s from previous experience of being harassed by men. I wouldn’t mind exchanging pleasantries if I was paying at a cashier for example. I suppose I just don’t see the point of it.
It’s because I feel compelled to he polite that I do respond hello & goodbye, but I find it irritating that I have to. I talk all day for my job, then with DC & am usually going over my things to do list/shopping list in my head at the time.

This makes perfect sense to me OP.
Sorry that some folk cannot just step away from their own experience and accept that we're not all the same.

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

You absolutely don’t have to say hello. It’s not even rude not to. Just don’t.

Just walk on by, he isn't going to shout at you for not saying hello, I highly doubt he particularly enjoys it either!

You seriously, seriously think that out of ALL the people who this bloke says hello to on a 8 hour shift, going in and out of a supermarket, he has remembered the OP as "pleasant" and is targetting her? Rather than just doing his job?

Is this what is called main character syndrome? Because - newsflash - the guy probably wouldn't be able to pick out the OP in a line up, out of the thousands of people he says hello to on a shift.

My first job when I was 15 they made me be a store greeter. This shy little person still in school 😅 I didn't enjoy it much, I doubt they even heard me as I was so quiet