Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

It's his job.

The store has some idea of putting a human face. Post-pandemic and with the rise of AI, not a bad thing.

I doubt it's a well-paid job.

Should the poor guy be leafleting for work and turning up on Ring doorbell footage to be harassed by neighbourhood watch?

More women in security would be great though.

The OP said (at 10.57) that she would feel totally differently if it was a woman, so it's not to do with being busy, just because it's a man. She seems suspicious of his motives. 🙄

Now I'm imagining being checked out by a very fit doorwoman and wondering if this might change my preferences. Demi Moore, Lucy Liu, Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

Nope.

It's a meet and greet job.

If you don’t want to or are not able to interact with him by saying Hi/Bye then just don’t? I’m sure they won’t care in the slightest. Put ear pods in and just get on with your shop.

but what is weird is that your problem is that it’s a man, and you wouldn’t feel differently if it was a woman. This man isn’t hitting on you, it’s his job and he’s not there by choice.

Jesus, get a grip. Another human being says “hello” and you take to the internet to register your disgust?! Maybe read your original post again and reflect on how fortunate you are that you have the privilege in being so concerned over something so banal. I’m intrigued that you specifically identify the person as “male”…. How is that relevant?

Read the OP's post at 10.57. It's because he's male that she objects.

In the nicest possible way, you need to chill.

Rather than blaming someone for literally just doing his job, maybe get some help with your emotional state.
While it’s never nice to feel intimidated by a specific gender it’s only you who is impacted by your past experiences.

We have the same but it’s someone sat outside our local big supermarket asking us to buy the big issue and saying something else but she’s not English so don’t know what she is saying. It’s really really annoying and she asks as you walk in and as you walk out. It pisses most people off.

The greeter wouldn’t really bother me that’s just their job, they probably find it just as annoying.

Come and shop at my local Asda, you will be greeted by beggars as you enter and leave the store! Sometimes they will even accompany you when you return your trolley and go to your car

Reasonable or not, your feelings are important and not to be dismissed casually by anyone else.

You cannot help the fact that this experience is making you feel uncomfortable, it just does. You have had experience of being harassed by men before and have a sense that this man is checking you out’, leading to an obvious sense of anxiety.

Not sure what you can do if you don’t want to change your shopping habits, other than discuss the matter with someone you trust who could help you could reflect on why you feel the way you do and possibly give you strategies for dealing with the anxiety this causes.

I hope you manage to resolve this issue OP or at least find a way to manage it.

Does it upset most people?

I simply shake my head with a smile and keep walking, no different from acknowledging a greeter.

That's a leap.

@ilovesooty 👋👋 you and I often have similar views on threads, but this one is an absolute corker!

For some reason I have just remembered the scene in Fawlty Towers "The Kipper and the Corpse" where Miss Tibbs primary objection to being shut in a wardrobe with a corpse was that it was a male corpse.

Its a man doing a job said hello he dosent want to rape anyone.
What as the world come to.
I think all men on the planet should be shipped to space along with teachers dog owners plus others.
Then we can all stop being offended at shit that dont really matter.

But not only he's a breathing but he's actually saying Hello.

Bastard.

As the OP seems to suspect he's 'after' her, I can't help wondering if she'll take a PP's advice and explain to him that she's got a husband/partner and he needs to stop being creepy. OP, if you do take that advice, please let us know how that goes.

Re saying thanks on the buses, how do you thank the driver if you have to get out at the middle doors? Do you shout down to him/her or what?

I thank them with a wave when getting out the middle doors, since the driver always looks in the mirror to make sure we are all off before moving off! Well I hope he sees my big wave of thanks anyway....😊

Doesn't his employer have a duty of care to protect him from nutters ?

What a daft assumption to make. He's just 'meeting and greeting.' It's his job. He doesn't want to hear about OPs partner any more than she wants to hear about his.

There is a security element to these roles. It can have a deterrent effect on the casual shoplifter. I'm sorry that it bothers you, OP. Try the brisk smile as you go past. There's no need to engage any more than that, or even al all if you don't want to.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

Well the way you're acting is likely to cause him to think you're a shoplifter! My DH was a security man at Asda for a while and he said you could spot the dodgy ones by their reaction on seeing security personnel........😂

OMG, he doesn’t have his eye on you, he is NOT CHECKING YOU OUT. The poor guy is just doing his job. He very likely doesn’t give you a second glance, you’re not Beyoncé! Are you for real?

She thinks 'he's checking her out' when he's there to do his job

Yawn.

Starting a thread about a non-issue leaves people open to others having and expressing an opinion/judgement (or whatever you want to call it).

If someone saying 'hello' on entering a shop is such a big deal, it's a wonder they can cope with life in general.