Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

Just say hello back? It's a bit weird to feel so strongly about it

He's literally doing his job.

FFS.

I expect that he is a human with as rich and complete an inner life as yours. So perhaps he dislikes being treated as an object people walk past even more than you resent being acknowledged as a person when you are greeted by him.

There's a security guard at the door of my local Tesco Express.

He says 'hello' and 'goodbye' to people as they enter and exit the shop, the utter, utter bastard.

Sometimes I even manage to creak out a smile in response as WELL as verbally acknowledging this human being.

He absolutely is there for security, and prompting interaction is part of that.

When he greets you, you’ll lift your head and be far more identifiable on CCTV. Same on the way out.

With shop lifting rates where they are it’s totally understandable for the shop.

Some people really do struggle. Be glad it's not you. 💖

It would make a HUGE difference to me if it were a woman! It is because you know when someone has their eye on you/is checking you out (cringing so hard at this) and it makes me feel uncomfortable that I have to greet him on top of it!! (couldn’t really put my finger on why it was bothering me until this thread/comment made me think deeper!)

What a load of absolute bollocks. Are you still drunk from last night or did you just start early this morning?

Nope, that's not an interaction of choice for me either.

Gently YABU.

You choosing to feel compelled to say hi, is not his issue or his fault. You don’t even have to speak to him. You could nod in acknowledgment or walk past him.

He is very likely used to customers not saying hi or acknowledging him.

I’ve had to greet people as part of my job in retail and it didn’t bother me if I was greeted or not. I still get paid either way.

He is likely there to deter shoplifters.

Yes this - the guy has the unfortunate job of being informal security on minimum wage. Happened at the shop next to the one I worked in (big chain homewares, out of town retail park). Just give a quick nod across at him, you’re the least of his worries. But I would give feedback to the store about how this makes you feel (the idea not the individual) and hopefully they’ll rethink how they’re handling security.

Well, perhaps if more posters stopped being so judgemental of those not exactly like them I'd not have to address the issue.

I doubt he works 7 days a week so many next time you could actually speak and say "could you tell me your days off" and then only ever shop on those days 🙄
Although it might be another male working on those days - shock horror!
My local Poundland has just closed down and I will miss the daily act of saying "hello" as I enter and "thank you" as I leave to the security guy that stood at the door.
I assume he's unemployed now.

I just feel sorry for anyone doing what must be such a boring job. But yes, probably there to make shoplifters think twice.

Eh up chuck! 😃

Oh dear. Sorry to say but I can't help thinking this is in London. You know, the place where you will be ostracised and others will be shocked, shocked I tell you if you dare open your mouth or make eye contact on the Tube, bus, or passing people in the street etc. It's kind of sad these insular lives.

Obviously I'm not in London, so when I was in Aldi the other day getting some big bags of peat moss, the guy on the cash desk got his co worker to help me put them in the trolley, they were outside the door. Big smiles all round and a bit of banter about the weather. I came out of that shop feeling great, there is humanity and good humour out there!

It is not a north/south divide and not everyone says hello to everyone in the north ime.

he is "checking you out" to make sure you're not drunk, a druggie, a known shoplifter, carrying a weapon etc etc etc. He is not interested in you sexually, out of the 1000 other women who walk past him on a shift.

And you don't HAVE to speak to him, you can walk straight past, or nod, or smile.

This. He is just doing his job.

Sorry but your are being very unreasonable.
This man is 'plain clothes' security.

He's not 'eyeing you up'. You appear to think he has the hots for you.
Leave your vanity and fantasies at the door and give the guy a cheery 'hello' and stop agonising over all of this.

He's not "checking you out". He's doing his job, which is to interact with people going in and out of the store as a deterrence.

This reminds me of the thread started by the poster distraught at her new neighbours having the temerity to use their garden at the same time she wants to be in it.

I suppose, to some extent you can't always help your feelings around certain things (although you can always work on them). But surely to God you KNOW yourself you're being unreasonable in taking exception to a member of staff on the door saying an inoffensive 'hello and 'goodbye' to you as you enter/exit the store?

As someone who lived in London for many years. No eye contact or speaking on the Tube, when I came north of the Border there was a huge change.
I used to catch the train from London up to Glasgow and as the train got to around Preston I always thought there was a change.

Catching the little train from Glasgow to Ayrshire I always called the 'party train'.
Many times people checked with me if they were on the correct train and on hearing my accent started a conversation about where I was going, and when I told them, if I knew such and such a person.

It was strange to begin with but now I find it normal.
When I am in the front garden people stop for a chat.

TBH your life must be very stress-free and have not real worries if this is on your mind so much that you take to the internet over it.

@Pbjsand you do realise you don't HAVE to communicate with him.
As someone who used to work retail (in the days before self service tills) I was completely blanked by 100s of customers as a scanned and bagged their goods and took their payment, gave the recipient etc.
I could have been an actual robot and many many customers wouldn't have noticed.