Parents hate the Childfree

[Youstolemygoddamnhouse]

Over the past few days there have been several post regarding children for example Our new Neighbours and my loud children and To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children. in both posts there are hateful comments about Childfree people. The second post in particular never mentioned anything about childfree people but then people started making comments about them. Plenty of parents hate other children despite having them. Why do parents care so much about Childfree people and their choices? Are you jealous? Need validation? Why all the hate? Most importantly will you own up to it?

YABU - I don’t hate the childfree
YANBU - yes I hate the childfree

Is childfree replacing childless. I guess people feel it's a more positive work, but it's a bit odd if people are now using it for everyone without kids. For a good few people it wasn't a choice and they are upset about it.

Childless was supposed to be simply factual, but people projected things onto it and so the childless by choice felt they needed a specific word. Which has now maybe expanded in meaning? Or has it not? TBH I preferred childless because I've generally no idea why someone doesn't have kids and it's often not appropriate to ask. Or relevant to the situation.

Not everyone says it though, I've never heard anyone in real life and only occasionally online. It's the same for me as people who mentioned travelling has changed them and made them more open-minded, or who recover from illnesss and state it's made them x, y or z. None of which i take as a personal affront because I haven't done those things, but some seem to take massive personal offense to people saying this about parenting.

Now I think it's a myth that all childfree people have 'much more money' than people with children, and 'much more freedom' and 'much better holidays.' And that they can go off (for example) at the drop of a hat for a week in Paris 'because no children.'

Childfree people generally tend to work/have a job, and would only have so much holiday leave in the space of a year, and the cost of living is high for everyone, so many of them (especially the single childfree) wouldn't have any more surplus income than many people with children.

The people with children/parents may not always be high earners, and some of them don't go out to work (and are stay at home parents,) but many of the parents with lower incomes will have top ups of universal credit and get housing benefit. So not all parents are automatically going to be worse of than all childfree people.

Also the parents who don't work will have more freedom to just drop everything and go off on holiday. I know 4 or 5 families right now (with non working parents,) who have been on several long weekends away this year so far (and also a week or two in Spain, France, and Italy.) In term time too. They have just kept the children off. So they are actually less restricted in some ways than the childfree.

I think the only thing childfree people have 'over' parents is that they get to have a lie-in at the weekend. Yes, some will be better off financially than parents, but not all.

Then again, going back to your second point earlier, there is no guarantee of having support and someone to look after you when you are elderly and infirm, just because you have had children. I know several people over 75 who struggle with everyday life, and their middle aged children barely visit them, let alone help. They have to pay for home help/cleaners/carers...

I also know a few people (around 60 to 80 years old) who have children aged around early 30s to early 50s, who just use them as free babysitters/childminders for their grandchildren, (whilst the parents go out to work, and whilst they socialise/go to hobby groups.) They are permanently exhausted looking after these children, but feel like they can't say no because they're worried that they won't get to see the grandchildren.

So there is no 'one size fits all' IYSWIM.

I don't get a lie in as a child free person. I have to get up for the dog and I start work early. I also have insomnia.

It can often be a choice by the person. I prefer childless as I had no choice not to have children. I don't feel 'free' of children. I would love to have them. Some prefer childfree as they've chosen not to have them or have really come to terms with not having children or they're choosing to view things with a different type of positivity.

I don't mind either word really but I'd choose childless for myself.

This is what I mean though! A word that means both is useful as a general term because i can't separate out the two groups. Obviously there will be times when I'm specifically talking about involuntary childless people and time when I mean the actively child free.

Then just specify that. It doesn't need a new word formulating for it.

Gateway Women often use NoMo (non mother) which I absolutely hate. I'm not a non mother - I'm a person.

I never really think about it. Peoples lives pan out the way they pan out.

Childless people cannot truly know what it means to be a parent.
Parents can only imagine how it must feel to be childless.

I feel really sad and sorry for people who would have loved to have had children but were not able to. This was a big fear of mine.
People who are quite content with not having children? Good for you. Whatever. None of my business. Certainly don’t ‘hate’ anyone!

Why should anyone who does not have children have to put in a box? Sometimes it is not as simple as didn’t want/couldn’t have e.g a woman may be in a relationship with a man who already has children and does not want any more.

Then there are those like me, who wanted children but could not have them due to infertility but have come to a place of acceptance, peace and contentment with the life we do have, and feel more childfree than childless.

How can you have no idea why someone chooses not to have kids? Tbh that sounds very judgemental against childfree people (or specifically, women cos we all know it’s the childfree women that get judged not men). It sounds like you’re just the type of person OP is talking about. There are plenty of very valid reasons! Can’t afford to give the child a decent life, don’t want to disrupt a career they love, want to have more freedom and money to enjoy an adult life and to travel, don’t like kids, not in a relationship/situation at the right time to have a child. It’s perfectly understandable to not want kids. All these reasons are echoed in the continually declining birth rate. Women don’t feel that have to have kids in order to fit into society anymore. It’s this lack of understanding and outdated viewpoint that contributes to ancient stereotypes of childfree women being bitter, lonely, cold and “barren”.

No! I mean I don't know each individual's background and what choices they made (or had forced on them). Not that I don't understand why someone wouldn't have kids.

(I don't have any myself and am unlikely to at this stage)

That’s what I thought you meant!

Sorry- misunderstood your post

^This is so true. As a mum to 2 teenage DDs (adopted), I envy the freedom childfree friends appear to have to go on holiday when they choose to go, not during school holidays. But then again, I had that freedom when I was younger and voluntarily gave it up when my DH and I applied to be adoptive parents after years of trying to be parents.

It’s ridiculous to be jealous of a life I chose to give up. But I can look forward to a time when I’ll have more freedom than now.

As clearly demonstated in social housing theads! 😉

Yeah you showed me a good example of that empathy yesterday. 🙄

Well we know now after your claims that its made you more empathetic Turned you into a person who likes to play silly games online is nearer the mark

And from that experience you extrapolate…. What @KimberleyClark ?

I could tell you about the adult couple who ruined a film i saw at the cinema as they were practically dry humping next to me and talking throughout. What did I extrapolate? That couple were inconsiderate twats

That a Shakespeare film is likely to be boring for young children so why bother taking them and letting them ruin it for others?

you have somewhat contradicted yourself here surely?

on the one hand

**Why should anyone who does not have children have to put in a box?

but you finish up with and feel more childfree than childless.

so years ago you’d have described yourself as childless
Now you’d describe yourself as childfree

What was the film?

Twelfth Night. What Shakespeare plays do you think would not bore young children?

what sort of age were they?

you said “film”

So was it a film or play?

either way could be a school trip

Some parents are thoughtless

some adults are thoughtless

groundbreaking stuff here