So much negativity on social media about having children

Tooearlytothink · 17/05/2025 22:37

You see what you interact with so the more of these things you read/watch/look at the more you’ll see

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/05/2025 22:41

What's your question?

Picklechicken · 17/05/2025 22:49

Tooearlytothink · 17/05/2025 22:37

You see what you interact with so the more of these things you read/watch/look at the more you’ll see

Yep this. Ive never seen any of that at all!

Endofyear · 17/05/2025 22:55

Maybe spend less time on social media? I wouldn't base my decisions on what strangers on the internet say 🤷‍♀️

StMarie4me · 17/05/2025 22:58

None of that is news. The first point is true for most but so what? If you only value yourself from what your body looks like that’s a very short window.

It’s tiring for the first few years but also joyful.

You do different things.

Don’t have a child with a man like that.

Catladywithoutacat · 17/05/2025 23:03

Don't watch these things,

Sarah2891 · 17/05/2025 23:04

There's negativity about just about everything.

Original poster

2025isavibe · 17/05/2025 23:07

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/05/2025 22:41

What's your question?

My question is is it all true I suppose. And would I have a more miserable life if I had children and just feel all these things and be exhausted and unhappy.

OP posts:

Jumpingthruhoops · 17/05/2025 23:11

2025isavibe · 17/05/2025 22:35

I feel like all over Instagram/Facebook/tiktok is negatively about having children

your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good
you are exhausted all the time
you will never have any time to do anything
you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

As someone in their 30s fairly sure they don't want kids, it just enforces and backs up this feeling

Well, I guess all those things are true, and some people are willing to compromise on them. I - as someone also childfree - am not. And those kinds of 'negative' posts just reinforce my position...

HardbackPaperback · 17/05/2025 23:15

2025isavibe · 17/05/2025 23:07

My question is is it all true I suppose. And would I have a more miserable life if I had children and just feel all these things and be exhausted and unhappy.

Show quote history

But you said you are pretty sure you don’t want them?

No, that doesn’t reflect my experience in the slightest. I had an interesting, fulfilling life before having DS at 40, and I have an interesting, fulfilling life now. DS is wonderful, and I’m delighted I had him, but I’d have been just as happy had I remained childfree, a bit differently. It has, however, never occurred to me to consult SM on major life decisions, like whether to create another human being.

Goingawayistricky · 17/05/2025 23:17

I guess now not having children is a valid choice,it’s g becomes one more thing to weigh up and read the reviews on.

Worth pointing out that kids are in fact a random lottery. Conception - fluke mostly, birth - literally the opposite of whatever you put in your plan , child- their own person from day 1.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/05/2025 23:46

2025isavibe · 17/05/2025 23:07

My question is is it all true I suppose. And would I have a more miserable life if I had children and just feel all these things and be exhausted and unhappy.

Show quote history

You can't know for sure until you do it. It's a massive gamble and if you don't enjoy it, you can't give the kid back. So I think it's mad to do it unless you have a very strong urge to have a child.

HelloVeraPlant · 17/05/2025 23:59

Weird post OP!

Why not put this in the childfree section?

Why go on a parents forum, create a post with primarily negative bullet points about parents - specifically mums because dads don’t have their bodies impacted by childbirth - then end by letting us know you are happy with your choice?

Slightly arsy.

If you are happy with your decision - good for you.

As a parent, I’m happy with my decision but I don’t have time to go on social media and swipe at content about the misery of childfree people to validate my life choice. I’m sure if I go looking for it, I will find it. On the other side, I don’t rant about my parenting experience for people to mum shame.

Anyways - I hate mum-shaming so much - so sorry if my post is harsh. To answer your questions

your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good -

I don’t even look like I have kids - so false - all my mum friends are beautiful - Yh, we might complain about our bellies - but childfree people also come in all sorts of shape and sizes. Most people think I’m a female in my early 30s or late 20s but that’s down to genes

you are exhausted all the time -

You can be. It’s maybe 3-4 years of the baby stage. When they are I’ll. But like many have said it depends on the child you have, your lifestyle. I know childfree people who say they are exhausted but they are high achievers or busy people or have other caring responsibilities - or have rubbish partners

you will never have any time to do anything -

I’ve been a mum for 12 years, I worked, started a business, have hobbies, do community work … I do alot actually - sometimes more than average but shows I make time and I still spend lots of time with my family - who I prefer a lot of the time

you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

my partner is more domestic than me and we share the load. I also have an amazing family and set of friends that are both parents and child free and they have helped me remove the mental load

Being a parent does not mean it’s the end of your life.

LeroyJenkinssss · 18/05/2025 00:02

I’m afraid it’s your algorithm that is bringing these things on your reel. Mines all knitting, animal videos, cute kids, homesteading and craft stuff, interspersed with bad driving videos. Skip them don’t watch to the end and search for loads of other interests to try and reset it.

workstealssleep · 18/05/2025 00:05

That's just algorithms.

AmateurNoun · 18/05/2025 00:10

Parenthood is tiring but I feel like my life would feel a bit meaningless if I had never had a child.

It seems to me that it's seen as fine to go on social media and say how awful/tiring etc. life is with kids, but normal people may be discouraged from posting how great it is and how empty life would feel without kids, because it can make people who wanted kids but never had any feel bad. That will add to how slanted things seem.

Also, people enjoying life with kids have less time to post (apart from Mum-influencers but I find them fake and don't count them).

If you don't want kids then that's an absolutely fine choice - if you don't have any desire for it then you might not find it enriching. I am only saying that for me personally it has given mine purpose and perspective which I would be poorer without.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 18/05/2025 00:22

HelloVeraPlant · 17/05/2025 23:59

Weird post OP!

Why not put this in the childfree section?

Why go on a parents forum, create a post with primarily negative bullet points about parents - specifically mums because dads don’t have their bodies impacted by childbirth - then end by letting us know you are happy with your choice?

Slightly arsy.

If you are happy with your decision - good for you.

As a parent, I’m happy with my decision but I don’t have time to go on social media and swipe at content about the misery of childfree people to validate my life choice. I’m sure if I go looking for it, I will find it. On the other side, I don’t rant about my parenting experience for people to mum shame.

Anyways - I hate mum-shaming so much - so sorry if my post is harsh. To answer your questions

your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good -

I don’t even look like I have kids - so false - all my mum friends are beautiful - Yh, we might complain about our bellies - but childfree people also come in all sorts of shape and sizes. Most people think I’m a female in my early 30s or late 20s but that’s down to genes

you are exhausted all the time -

You can be. It’s maybe 3-4 years of the baby stage. When they are I’ll. But like many have said it depends on the child you have, your lifestyle. I know childfree people who say they are exhausted but they are high achievers or busy people or have other caring responsibilities - or have rubbish partners

you will never have any time to do anything -

I’ve been a mum for 12 years, I worked, started a business, have hobbies, do community work … I do alot actually - sometimes more than average but shows I make time and I still spend lots of time with my family - who I prefer a lot of the time

you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

my partner is more domestic than me and we share the load. I also have an amazing family and set of friends that are both parents and child free and they have helped me remove the mental load

Being a parent does not mean it’s the end of your life.

Weird post, as it's mostly parents posting about how exhausting and hard it all is.

NorthXNorthWest · 18/05/2025 00:32

None of those things are exclusive to people who have children.

There are enough threads on here by child free women to show you that, if you don't know many child free women in real life.

slamdunk66 · 18/05/2025 00:33

I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like this online.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2025 00:44

Don’t have one if you don’t want to. Mine are the best things that have ever happened to me but I was desperate to be a mum.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 00:48

Where are you seeing this? I’ve never seen anything of this on social media. There are negatives to having children and positives, I certainly wouldn’t be basing my decision to having kids on what I see on social media. If you’re that bothered block them pages.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 00:53

HelloVeraPlant · 17/05/2025 23:59

Weird post OP!

Why not put this in the childfree section?

Why go on a parents forum, create a post with primarily negative bullet points about parents - specifically mums because dads don’t have their bodies impacted by childbirth - then end by letting us know you are happy with your choice?

Slightly arsy.

If you are happy with your decision - good for you.

As a parent, I’m happy with my decision but I don’t have time to go on social media and swipe at content about the misery of childfree people to validate my life choice. I’m sure if I go looking for it, I will find it. On the other side, I don’t rant about my parenting experience for people to mum shame.

Anyways - I hate mum-shaming so much - so sorry if my post is harsh. To answer your questions

your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good -

I don’t even look like I have kids - so false - all my mum friends are beautiful - Yh, we might complain about our bellies - but childfree people also come in all sorts of shape and sizes. Most people think I’m a female in my early 30s or late 20s but that’s down to genes

you are exhausted all the time -

You can be. It’s maybe 3-4 years of the baby stage. When they are I’ll. But like many have said it depends on the child you have, your lifestyle. I know childfree people who say they are exhausted but they are high achievers or busy people or have other caring responsibilities - or have rubbish partners

you will never have any time to do anything -

I’ve been a mum for 12 years, I worked, started a business, have hobbies, do community work … I do alot actually - sometimes more than average but shows I make time and I still spend lots of time with my family - who I prefer a lot of the time

you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

my partner is more domestic than me and we share the load. I also have an amazing family and set of friends that are both parents and child free and they have helped me remove the mental load

Being a parent does not mean it’s the end of your life.

I agree with you apart from the comment asking why go on a parent forum. Plenty of topics on here that isn’t to do with being a parent. But agree it’s a weird post. I suspect it’s a goady troll post intended to cause some drama.

NJLX2021 · 18/05/2025 06:02

Is it mostly true? Yes.

But is it the whole picture? No..

Those posts are missing the great things that children bring to your life, and missing the problems with being child-free.

It's easy to be without children and feel good about it during your 20s, 30s, 40s? 50s? But by your later life? When travelling is tiring, shopping doesn't bring the excitement, most of your friends have children.. some are dying. You need care. Hospital stays. Social life and partying are gone?

I've known plenty of elderly people, and the regret of those who end up isolated and alone is hard to deal with. Especially compared to the big warm families that some people enjoy into their old age.

Of course that is a selfish outlook, but so is the OPs..all of the negatives are about their own happiness, so it is fair to also point out the personal negatives of the other side. Of course this isn't the reason you have children and parents all know this. But if child-free people want to point out the problems children cause in your younger years.. it is fair to point out the bennifits they bring in your later years. (And that is ignoring the great things they also bring in your younger years)

You are young and beautiful for a short time... These days you are older for a lot longer.

Zanatdy · 18/05/2025 06:09

Is it all true? It’s hard work, but when you’re childless I guess you just see the hard work and sacrifice. You’d have to know that feeling of loving someone unconditionally and so deeply to know that the sacrifices are worth it. I am in my final year of parenting a child now, youngest is 17 and eldest is 31, i’m not 50 yet so you can see all my adult life has been spent parenting. Do I regret it? Not for a second. I enjoyed it, yes it was hard at times but I was fortunate to have really good kids / teens.

NJLX2021 · 18/05/2025 06:10

Not to mention that you should be very thankful for those who do have children.

Accepting that it is as horrible as you think it might be...then all of those mum's are doing you a huge favor.

You want to grow old in a functional society right? With transportation, power, medical care, etc?

Who do you think is going to give you that?

It's all those other mum's children. It's their upaid and unappreciated labour that will keep society functioning for "child free" people to live in. Their kids will care for you, when you are old, and will create the world you will live in.

It is in a broader societal way, a quite selfish decision to not have children, because it means that you are happy to rely on others sacrifices. And not put in the contribution yourself to create the next generation that we all need.