So much negativity on social media about having children

[2025isavibe]

I feel like all over Instagram/Facebook/tiktok is negatively about having children

• your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good
• you are exhausted all the time
• you will never have any time to do anything
• you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

As someone in their 30s fairly sure they don't want kids, it just enforces and backs up this feeling

I'm referring to this idea that if you dont have kids to look after you in older age, all your friends and the "community" will - as previous posters have stated. My point being - they wont necessarily and you cannot rely on that any more than you can rely on your kids! The idea that if you dont have kids to help you just rely on your friends isnt realistic, as I said, my nan's friends all died in their 70s and she outlived them for 20 odd years

There's no guarantee of anything in life.

Maybe I should have phrased it differently, but I don't know anyone who has kids and is not happy about it. Is it hard sometimes, yes. Do people complain, yes. But they would never not have the kids, the joy of having them outweighs the hardships. Otherwise no one would ever do it!

Do you think that if anyone you knew regretted having children, that they would tell you?

Thanks Captain Obvious LOL

There is no guarantee of ANYTHING in life. There is no "guarantee" you'll be happy if you dont have kids so I dont see the point of this statement.

I think it's probably true that the groups who are happiest are people who are happily married with children, and people who are single and don't have children.

More from the perspective of life being easier (it's entirely possible to be happy whatever your circumstances- it's a mindset).

I do agree having really polarising views and arguments isn't helpful nor is putting people into groups!

Life never fits into boxes even despite the best laid plans.

Yes, I do. These are friends of 30+ years of major ups and downs. I wouldn't judge them if they did.

Well you won’t wanna be on this app then!

my body is exactly the same bar a c section scar / no stretch marks, weigh the same.

my life however is full of joy and love, there is no such love as the love for your child and now she’s older - 9 - she’s my best friend we have such a laugh everyday. In fact I miss her when shes at school.

I still have the life I led before friends / cinema / holidays / dinners & drinks. It is what you make it. I am not remotely mumsy and you wouldn’t know to look at me I’m a mum.

don’t be put off by social media which we all know is a load of shit

If you definitely don’t want children then you will certainly be happy if you don’t have them?

I still have the life I led before friends / cinema / holidays / dinners & drinks. It is what you make it. I am not remotely mumsy and you wouldn’t know to look at me I’m a mum.

I’m fascinated by this, what do you think mums are supposed to look like? Why don’t you think you look like a mum? Are you proud of not looking like a mum?

The fact that some people will die before you doesn't make a community "mythical".

There are threads on here at least once a week from people who say they regret having children.

At least if you don't have children, you're not bringing an innocent life into the world that will potentially make you miserable.

I love being a mum, I respect that others don't want to but it's something I always wanted.
It can be hard work, but lots of things in life that are worth doing are hard work. For me my son is completely worth it.

Not necessarily. I know people who really didn’t want children but regretted it later on in life. You also don’t know what it’s like until you experience it. But it goes both ways, I’ve also known people who really wanted children and then regretted it when they had them.

It is all true. Some nice parts too, but all those videos you see on Instagram of Mums juggling water bottles, school runs, packed lunches are all pretty accurate IMO.

I have grown children. It was hard work at times, especially as I ended up a single parent when the youngest was two. I have less money than I would have had I only had myself and a career to think about. However, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I have four lovely young adult children and their partners so I have a growing family. If I hadn’t had children I would only have my dad and brother now and possibly not my dad many more years as he has cancer. In time I may have grandchildren. Totally worth the harder times in my opinion.

My social media feed is the exact opposite - women’s bodies looking amazing a few months after giving birth, lovely moments with babies and toddlers, joys of watching them grow up etc. Your feed is customised for the things you interact with the most. Don’t get me wrong, the first year of parenting is absolutely exhausting, but it flies by and honestly my DD is such an amazing part of my life. Shes 1 now and everything is already sooo much easier and less tiring - we have so much fun together! I never used to want kids and have always been a career person but I would give up my job in a heartbeat if I could just to spend everyday with her. I know it’s not the same for everyone but other than my little c-section line (which is hidden even in bikinis) my body is back to pre-baby, so I definitely wouldn’t assume that the things you’re seeing represent everyone’s experiences!

I couldn’t have children due to fertility issues. I have DH, DB, SIL and DN. Lots of good friends too. I don’t dwell on what my later life will be like.

But you only have a growing family by chance - your children could easily have moved overseas, or stayed single, or lost contact with you. You see it on here all the time - people posting about how upset they are because their kids all emigrated to Australia or because they'll never be a grandparent, or whatever.

Yes, and there’s plenty of posts from parents of adult children who don’t contact them as often as they’d like, or only if they want something.

I think it's a little bit sad when people say they are not having kids because they want more holidays/to have extra money to travel business class/to have expensive luxury items etc. It just seems a bit shallow to me and would leave me unfulfilled personally. I know that might not be the full story but it seems like such trivial stuff. If people find their own way to have a meaningful life without kids then that's great but a life which only is filled with travel and consumerism it seems so empty.

But I also wouldn't encourage people to have children if they know they don't want one. I know someone who had a couple of kids as her husband wanted them but she's miserable and quite frankly not a great mum - she hates being with the kids, she is very cold and unaffectionate with them and will take any opportunity to get away from them. That makes me most sad for her children's sake.

Yes it doesn’t always work out like you hope, like every situation, but often it does happen like this. It shouldn’t be one of the main reasons to have kids but it is one of the positives that needs pointing out as well as other positives to counter the negatives OP posted. There are negatives to having kids but also lots and lots of positives, this being one of them.

No, they aren't true for everyone, especially not beyond the first year or so.

The thing is, it's like having a great partner hugely enriches your life, but the difference it makes to experience that level of love can't really be captured in a social media video, whereas it's easy to present small annoyances (socks left on the floor etc).

So lots of parents want to laugh about the absurd/infuriating moments, but they pale in comparison to the sheer joy of children.

I don't care what anyone else does, but I certainly wouldn't even have 1% of the information about what my life is like with children if I just watched social media videos.

My children are teenagers now, I had them in my twenties.
my body is absolutely fine, I exercise and keep fit
I was tired when they were little as I was working full time as well, but it was worth it, it was only for the first few years
I do lots when they were little they would come with me to lots of things or my partner would look after whilst i did things and vice versa
I definitely don’t do all the mental load, I was doing more of the cleaning etc, which caused some arguments, so we sorted a cleaner for 2 hours a week (I know we are lucky we can afford)
best thing I ever did was having children, they are amazing, they are at the age now where they are very independent, but I feel proud everyday.
if you don’t want children that’s absolutely fine, but don’t let a load of negative stuff on social media make your decision .

I think it's a little bit sad when people say they are not having kids because they want more holidays/to have extra money to travel business class/to have expensive luxury items etc. It just seems a bit shallow to me and would leave me unfulfilled personally.

What's unfulfilling about it?