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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour’s child throwing rubbish into our garden

189 replies

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:09

We had new renters move into the property next door about 4/5 months ago. They have one DD of about 4/5 years’ old.

At first they seemed fine, but the problems have started since the weather has been nicer (since about end March).

For context, right now it’s just my husband and I in our house. Although, I’m 9 months’ pregnant, so there’ll be one more very soon!

We look after our house and garden, and tend to plants etc. We like to spend time out there often - reading the paper, eating lunch, and so on - when the weather is nice.

The new neighbours, meanwhile, have taken to storing lots of household rubbish (packaging, old hoovers, prams etc.) in their garden. They also have a multitude of toys out there at all times, scattered all across the garden (which isn’t particularly large I might add), for their DC to play with, inc. a trampoline, paddling pool and a great deal many smaller items such as foam letters, balls and soft toys.

Here is where the problem lies. Almost daily now we are finding both toys and household rubbish in our garden.

At first we were simply throwing things back over the fence, or placing them on the fence in the case of soft toys. However, a couple of weeks ago I was in the garden when one golf ball launched over the fence, narrowly missing me, and three more hit our French doors and landed on our terrace. I was shocked.

I promptly picked them all up, though perhaps not as promptly as I would like in my condition 😂, and popped my head over the fence.

The young girl was in just a nappy looking slightly sheepish while Dad obliviously (unsure how) scrolled on his phone, smoking something… dubious (which was also great considering I clearly had newborn washing on the line 🙄). I piped up and said “Hi. Sorry, are these yours?” to which the Dad looked up and said “oh yeah… cheers, I didn’t know she had those…”

I was taken aback at his lack of concern and said “well they’re just a little hard, aren’t they, and I wouldn’t want them damaging our property or hitting one of us, if you could please be careful?” with a little polite/awkward laugh for good measure.

He simply took them out of my hand with another “cheers” and walked off. No apology, no learning opportunity for DD, just “cheers” and off he went.

Still, I had hoped after my polite word this would stop.

Flash forward another few weeks and I feel that this behaviour has escalated, as has the amount of “stuff” stored in the garden.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that the little girl is just that - little. I know she doesn’t understand she’s doing anything wrong, and if she does understand to some extent it’s only because it feels like a game to her.

However, I am concerned that either my husband or I could get hit with something. They are aware that I’m heavily pregnant right now. Or, worse, our baby could be hit when she’s here, as we plan to spend some time in our garden with her over the coming months and years; looking at wildlife, doing some sensory play etc. As I say, not everything being thrown over is a soft toy or children’s ball unfortunately.

I believe that what is causing the issue is the unkempt nature of the garden. If their DD did not have access to household items/waste and/or toys which are never, ever tidied away (surely a hygiene concern for her too?), then she would not be enabled to throw things over.

We have really tried to be reasonable and rash, but it’s getting us a little wound up now. And before anyone says it, this will not be our child in a few years as we will not be leaving toys or play items out 24/7, for hygiene reasons and cleanliness. We would get her to pack them up with us and take them inside, and we certainly wouldn’t be leaving household waste out there.

I don’t know… AIBU to completely fed up by this now?

OP posts:
tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

BangersAndGnash · 17/05/2025 15:12

You were really weedy when you spoke to him. You could have been explicit and said hold balls had hit your glass door and you just managed to dodge them.

And pointed out that numerous things have been thrown over the fence.

And been firm that you expect them to stop her doing it.

Anything else comes over the fence I would put in the bin.

A 5 year old is old enough to know that if they chuck stuff over the fence, that’s it.

ATM they probably think it’s a game.

mindutopia · 17/05/2025 15:13

If it’s rubbish, I’d knock on the front door and hand it back to them. Any toys or household items, I’d bin or sell. They’ll soon learn when they don’t get their stuff back and it hastens the minimisation of all the junk.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:17

BangersAndGnash · 17/05/2025 15:12

You were really weedy when you spoke to him. You could have been explicit and said hold balls had hit your glass door and you just managed to dodge them.

And pointed out that numerous things have been thrown over the fence.

And been firm that you expect them to stop her doing it.

Anything else comes over the fence I would put in the bin.

A 5 year old is old enough to know that if they chuck stuff over the fence, that’s it.

ATM they probably think it’s a game.

Thanks. Haha yes, that I definitely was! I dislike any form of confrontation (you never know if people will take it that way) and also it’s the most I’d spoken to him before. We’ve taken in some parcels for the mum so I’ve spoken to her before, but I wasn’t quite sure how he would react. I do think the LO thinks it’s a game to be honest. Though I think with less stuff available to her to throw, we’d have less of an issue. It really is bags and boxes of stuff piled high. As I mentioned to a PP we actually had an old Hoover hose come over very recently!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 17/05/2025 15:19

Keep the stuff they chuck over. If they ever come to ask for it back you can have words. If you give it back right away then they'll just keep chucking it.

WilfredsPies · 17/05/2025 15:19

I think you’re approaching this the wrong way. You’re working on the basis that these people are nice, reasonable and caring parents who simply don’t realise what’s happening and that, once you explain it to them, they’ll take every step to ensure that their garden is tidy and that DD is taught not to do it again. I don’t think that they are. I think that they are shit parents who don’t care what their daughter is throwing or who she’s throwing it at. I’d respond in a way that they understand.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:21

pinkyredrose · 17/05/2025 15:19

Keep the stuff they chuck over. If they ever come to ask for it back you can have words. If you give it back right away then they'll just keep chucking it.

Thank you! See, I actually suggested this to my DH, but he was a little concerned it would look like we had the intention to “pinch” it. Most of it is quite literally junk, too, so didn’t know whether we should collect or bin. Though if we bin 1) we’re assuming they don’t want it and I suppose technically they could want it and 2) then we’re taking away limited refuse space from ourselves.

OP posts:
AlorsTimeForWine · 17/05/2025 15:30

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:21

Thank you! See, I actually suggested this to my DH, but he was a little concerned it would look like we had the intention to “pinch” it. Most of it is quite literally junk, too, so didn’t know whether we should collect or bin. Though if we bin 1) we’re assuming they don’t want it and I suppose technically they could want it and 2) then we’re taking away limited refuse space from ourselves.

If speaking to them once more doesnt work

💯 keep it as a minimum.

Bit actually I'd be inclined to throw it all away and deny any knowledge of it.

mathanxiety · 17/05/2025 15:34

Contact the owner of the property and tell them the garden is now a tip and the tenants are throwing stuff over your fence.

Look at your home insurance in detail just in case any damage should be done.

mathanxiety · 17/05/2025 15:38

tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

It is perfectly fine to look down your nose at people who turn the garden of someone else's property (they rent) into a tip and don't parent their children.

Nobody should have to put up with neighbours like that, and I bet there's a clause in their lease prohibiting the conditions and behaviour the OP has described.

MouseMama · 17/05/2025 15:39

YANBU. Big fence, trellis on top and some rat traps for good measure if they’re leaving food out in the debris.

ArtTheClown · 17/05/2025 15:42

BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all

Meh. We all judge, and honestly society could do with a bit more judgement for scummy behaviour.

blubbyblub · 17/05/2025 15:48

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/05/2025 14:18

we will not be leaving toys or play items out 24/7, for hygiene reasons and cleanliness. We would get her to pack them up with us and take them inside

I give you less than 2 years…

Huh? Apart from actual outdoor furniture like a trampoline or a slide, all our outdoor play toys were put away after use.
Surely you didn’t just leave everything cluttered up all over your garden?

blubbyblub · 17/05/2025 15:50

tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

We are completely entitled to look down upon people who are happy to smoke whilst ‘minding’ their children and being so engrossed in their phone that they have no idea their dc are chucking crap at people.

judging people for what they are actually doing and are quite disable of not doing is absolutely something we are entitled to do.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 17/05/2025 15:51

Under these circumstances, I would ask them to monitor her and stop the throwing. If that didn't work, anything she threw would just go in the bin. She will soon run out of things to chuck.

viques · 17/05/2025 15:55

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:28

Thanks for this. We had read that we can’t legally keep any items, but I did float the idea with DH that we could bag them all up over, say, a week and take them around in one go, using it is an opportunity to speak with them again.

Don’t keep the stuff, just put it in their bin for them.

nomoretreats · 17/05/2025 15:56

servingkant · 17/05/2025 14:20

Yea it’s still not relevant.

Actually it is because in these circumstances I’d be looking for the letting agent / landlord if the situation got worse.

m00rfarm · 17/05/2025 15:59

ClearFruit · 17/05/2025 14:23

You lost me at 'renters'. Completely irrelevant.

Why is it irrelevant? The landlord is an extra person to talk to to try to get the situation resolved. They may do nothing, but simply stating that they are going to talk to the LL may focus the renting family a little more.

GoodOldTrayBake · 17/05/2025 16:01

servingkant · 17/05/2025 14:20

Yea it’s still not relevant.

Yes it is relevant, as they could be breaching the terms of their lease (eg by storing rubbish in the garden or causing a nuisance to neighbours) and also OP could put in a complaint to the landlord. Don’t be so sensitive. The OP isn’t being classist. She’s just stating facts.

OneFineDay13 · 17/05/2025 16:05

Take care in your garden and anything that gets thrown over just bin.

Moonnstars · 17/05/2025 16:05

I would keep the items and then knock on their door to return the bits as this might seem more inconvenient to them and if you are doing it frequently they will realise how much is being thrown over.
You can try and find out who the landlord is and try and speak to them, but I am not sure this is a massive issue with what is happening so far. We had renters behind us who let the occasional football come over, but then I am sure we had a shoe along with vapes. They were also very noisy, loud music late into the night and bad language which was frustrating. When they left (may have been evicted) we then discovered the landlord actually lives on the road, so maybe they had witnessed how this family were behaving or had other complaints.

OneFineDay13 · 17/05/2025 16:05

@servingkant neither is your comment tbh lol

angstridden2 · 17/05/2025 16:09

We had the same issue from our neighbours who live in a HA flat. Their child of about 7 threw random stuff over including toys, a mixing bowl and cigarette lighters plus the usual footballs. There was a lot of shouting between him and mum and I imagine he is AHDH. I used to just take the rubbish and put it in a sack but told mum I would send back the balls as that is to be expected with children. However I did have a firm word when a garden chair appeared on my patio luckily my go or dog weren’t there. It seems to have stopped 🤞possibly due to the fact he is on medication according to his lucky upstairs neighbour! (And yes the HA detail is relevant as his co neighbour had complained about the shouting and swearing and mess in the communal garden).

Katbum · 17/05/2025 16:09

The state of their garden, what they keep out there, how hygenic or not you perceive their dd's toys to be are all irrelevant. It is their home, they are entitled to keep it in whatever state they wish to. However, it is unacceptable that this is encroaching on your own garden. My suggestion is that you go round and say that you would like them to make sure no more rubbish, toys or other items come into your garden. If they continue or escalate then you can speak to their landlord. I have lived next to extremely antisocial neighbours, and sometimes you have to suck it up. I'd try to get some perspective here - are we talking loads of items daily, or a few bits a couple of times a week. You clearly disapprove of your neighbour's lifestyle, but the fact is you don't get a say over who lives next door — if you want more refined neighbours the choice is to move to a more refined neighbourhood!

angstridden2 · 17/05/2025 16:12

I’m old and possibly have rose tinted recollections, but I do wonder if ,more shame and respect for others was a good thing. Judging by some of the posts on this thread anything less than wholehearted joy at others’ lack of consideration seems to be frowned upon.