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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour’s child throwing rubbish into our garden

189 replies

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:09

We had new renters move into the property next door about 4/5 months ago. They have one DD of about 4/5 years’ old.

At first they seemed fine, but the problems have started since the weather has been nicer (since about end March).

For context, right now it’s just my husband and I in our house. Although, I’m 9 months’ pregnant, so there’ll be one more very soon!

We look after our house and garden, and tend to plants etc. We like to spend time out there often - reading the paper, eating lunch, and so on - when the weather is nice.

The new neighbours, meanwhile, have taken to storing lots of household rubbish (packaging, old hoovers, prams etc.) in their garden. They also have a multitude of toys out there at all times, scattered all across the garden (which isn’t particularly large I might add), for their DC to play with, inc. a trampoline, paddling pool and a great deal many smaller items such as foam letters, balls and soft toys.

Here is where the problem lies. Almost daily now we are finding both toys and household rubbish in our garden.

At first we were simply throwing things back over the fence, or placing them on the fence in the case of soft toys. However, a couple of weeks ago I was in the garden when one golf ball launched over the fence, narrowly missing me, and three more hit our French doors and landed on our terrace. I was shocked.

I promptly picked them all up, though perhaps not as promptly as I would like in my condition 😂, and popped my head over the fence.

The young girl was in just a nappy looking slightly sheepish while Dad obliviously (unsure how) scrolled on his phone, smoking something… dubious (which was also great considering I clearly had newborn washing on the line 🙄). I piped up and said “Hi. Sorry, are these yours?” to which the Dad looked up and said “oh yeah… cheers, I didn’t know she had those…”

I was taken aback at his lack of concern and said “well they’re just a little hard, aren’t they, and I wouldn’t want them damaging our property or hitting one of us, if you could please be careful?” with a little polite/awkward laugh for good measure.

He simply took them out of my hand with another “cheers” and walked off. No apology, no learning opportunity for DD, just “cheers” and off he went.

Still, I had hoped after my polite word this would stop.

Flash forward another few weeks and I feel that this behaviour has escalated, as has the amount of “stuff” stored in the garden.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that the little girl is just that - little. I know she doesn’t understand she’s doing anything wrong, and if she does understand to some extent it’s only because it feels like a game to her.

However, I am concerned that either my husband or I could get hit with something. They are aware that I’m heavily pregnant right now. Or, worse, our baby could be hit when she’s here, as we plan to spend some time in our garden with her over the coming months and years; looking at wildlife, doing some sensory play etc. As I say, not everything being thrown over is a soft toy or children’s ball unfortunately.

I believe that what is causing the issue is the unkempt nature of the garden. If their DD did not have access to household items/waste and/or toys which are never, ever tidied away (surely a hygiene concern for her too?), then she would not be enabled to throw things over.

We have really tried to be reasonable and rash, but it’s getting us a little wound up now. And before anyone says it, this will not be our child in a few years as we will not be leaving toys or play items out 24/7, for hygiene reasons and cleanliness. We would get her to pack them up with us and take them inside, and we certainly wouldn’t be leaving household waste out there.

I don’t know… AIBU to completely fed up by this now?

OP posts:
Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:35

CarlaH · 17/05/2025 14:31

There is relevance to them renting. A landlord can be contacted who might be able to change their behaviours. If they own and don't care the buck stops with them.

Thanks - this is why I added as I’ve seen people ask before after the fact, so just didn’t want to drip feed. I’m not entirely sure why people think it’s a slight.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 17/05/2025 14:36

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:28

Thanks for this. We had read that we can’t legally keep any items, but I did float the idea with DH that we could bag them all up over, say, a week and take them around in one go, using it is an opportunity to speak with them again.

I would do this. I wouldn't throw the stuff back over the fence. Or go round every day that stuff is thrown over. Hand the rubbish back straight faced.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:36

doodleZ1 · 17/05/2025 14:33

Not sure how they would know what was lobbed over the fence to you. So I wouldnt worry about the legal position. You are not their personal storage facility either. If they were really annoying me I wouldn’t return a thing, especially golf balls. Is there another neighbour facing the same issues on the other side of them?

Thanks. Do you know, I hadn’t even thought about the other neighbour. There is one on the other side of them, so imagine it’s likely that they are experiencing this too.

OP posts:
Zonder · 17/05/2025 14:36

Collect the stuff that comes over this week. Go round with it and speak to the couple together. Be nice but firm and say that there has been plenty of stuff coming over your fence and it needs to stop now before you or your baby get hurt.

I'd that doesn't change anything look at the council website to see if there's anyone who can help.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:39

Maray1967 · 17/05/2025 14:33

This. And you need to be firm. In our case, DH went round and spoke to the dad ( house across the back, so not our next door neighbours). DS was a toddler then. DH explained very clearly that golf balls being whacked over the fence into our garden was not acceptable. If it continued, he would throw them back even harder no matter who was in their garden. Sounds rude, but the parents knew their DC were hitting golf balls and knew we had a toddler. We never had an issue from then on, as I heard the dad go straight into the garden and tell his DC to hand over all the golf balls as they’d been stupid…

Thank you! It’s awful isn’t it. I don’t like any sort of perceived confrontation. See, I was quite shocked that the Dad didn’t react more strongly upon finding that his child had been throwing golf balls over in the first place; however, I know there’s a chance he could have just done it once back in the house. I do think we’re less concerned about their parenting style (each unto their own) and more concerned about the rubbish/state of garden as I believe this is the enabler here.

OP posts:
Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:40

Zonder · 17/05/2025 14:36

Collect the stuff that comes over this week. Go round with it and speak to the couple together. Be nice but firm and say that there has been plenty of stuff coming over your fence and it needs to stop now before you or your baby get hurt.

I'd that doesn't change anything look at the council website to see if there's anyone who can help.

Thanks, really helpful suggestion.

OP posts:
spanishcheese · 17/05/2025 14:42

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 17/05/2025 14:36

I would do this. I wouldn't throw the stuff back over the fence. Or go round every day that stuff is thrown over. Hand the rubbish back straight faced.

Take their stuff round in a big bag (minus the golf balls) and empty it on their doorstep, ring their doorbell very early on a Sunday, saying you want the bag back.

Onelifeonly · 17/05/2025 14:43

It's possible the dad thinks it's only happened that one time. Rather than going over their heads or not returning items, collect them up as has been suggested and go round to have a proper talk about it. Be factual, direct and attribute no blame. If that doesn't work, then maybe you could contact the landlord.

I'd talk to the neighbour on the other side first though, as that might give you strength in numbers.

ButterCrackers · 17/05/2025 14:43

Put the items thrown over (apart from soft toys like teddy bears etc ) in a black bin liner together with the rubbish. Put it on their door step once a week early morning 7am. Ring the bell a few times and leave it there. For the soft toys throw them back over.

Onelifeonly · 17/05/2025 14:45

spanishcheese · 17/05/2025 14:42

Take their stuff round in a big bag (minus the golf balls) and empty it on their doorstep, ring their doorbell very early on a Sunday, saying you want the bag back.

Why be passive aggressive when a straight forward conversation might work? If they are unreasonable people, things could escalate.

Flyswats · 17/05/2025 14:46

You go to the rental agency who leased them the property and you tell them that there's a hoarding situation next door and that if they could contact the owner to have it cleared up that would be helpful or you'll be going to the council about it.

It is relevant that these people are renters, not owners because they will have a contract which outlines their uses of the property and things they should not be doing.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:47

Onelifeonly · 17/05/2025 14:43

It's possible the dad thinks it's only happened that one time. Rather than going over their heads or not returning items, collect them up as has been suggested and go round to have a proper talk about it. Be factual, direct and attribute no blame. If that doesn't work, then maybe you could contact the landlord.

I'd talk to the neighbour on the other side first though, as that might give you strength in numbers.

Yes, that’s very true. Thank you! Though I did hear the mum asking her not to throw things over one time when she was out there with her. If there was less rubbish in the garden and not so many things out there to throw, I don’t think we’d have as much of an issue. We ended up with a full hoover hose on our terrace this week. 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
MichaelandKirk · 17/05/2025 14:47

Of course it’s relevant to say they rent. It means that a landlord can be contacted over this unacceptable behaviour.

ButterCrackers · 17/05/2025 14:47

Onelifeonly · 17/05/2025 14:45

Why be passive aggressive when a straight forward conversation might work? If they are unreasonable people, things could escalate.

They might open the door and then you could have a chat about the rubbish and things thrown over. If they don’t open the door you’ve not wasted time going round to check if they’re in. They sound like loser parents who live in a total mess.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/05/2025 14:48

The landlord won’t do anything. It costs literally thousands of pounds to evict someone and they’re not doing it over balls lobbed over a fence.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/05/2025 14:50

Turn your garden hose on them every time something comes over your fence.

StMarie4me · 17/05/2025 14:51

Eccythumpy · 17/05/2025 14:12

Well YANBU to not want to have rubbish thrown in the garden, but I don't understand why you needed to specify that they are renters ?

I think we do know.

scandiloving · 17/05/2025 14:53

Already lots of suggestions. My DD is almost 4 and loves playing in the garden. I just wanted to let you know that we have zero, not even 1 toy in the garden right now, they are all in a box we keep in the conservatory for the purpose of keeping the toys clean and tidy. The posts suggesting that you will also inevitably end up with a messy garden in a few years were unnecessary 🙄

MayaPinion · 17/05/2025 14:54

Put it all together in a bag - the same bag - every bit of crap that comes over — and keep it behind the shed or something. Once stuff starts going missing they’ll have to come and get it. Then you’re inconveniencing them and that’s off putting. The girl probably thinks it’s a game or something so stop throwing stuff back.

Hallebere · 17/05/2025 14:55

You've spoke to him once and he's shown how rude he is. Leaving the garden an absolute tip is another indication of their mentality. Don't bother approaching them again. Go straight to the landlord and lodge a complaint. Let them deal with them.

Mumofoneandone · 17/05/2025 14:57

Contact the letting agent/LL about the behaviour.
Contact council about rubbish in the garden, as this is potentially an environmental health issue.

smellyhouseelf · 17/05/2025 14:58

Omg. Not renters! Time to sell up I'm afraid. Don't want your baby being brought up next to that riff raff.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:59

scandiloving · 17/05/2025 14:53

Already lots of suggestions. My DD is almost 4 and loves playing in the garden. I just wanted to let you know that we have zero, not even 1 toy in the garden right now, they are all in a box we keep in the conservatory for the purpose of keeping the toys clean and tidy. The posts suggesting that you will also inevitably end up with a messy garden in a few years were unnecessary 🙄

Yes, I would worry too much about things like bird muck on any toys left out, so we just know ourselves that it simply wouldn’t be something we would do. That said, I’m not judging them parenting-wise as a PP here helpfully pointed out that their DD could have additional needs if they’re still in a nappy, and in such a scenario I imagine they’re doing their very best. However, I do feel that without so much household waste and toys readily available (and growing!) for the little’n to get their hands on, we’d have far less of an issue. It’s more of a maintenance thing, I guess. A tricky one indeed!

OP posts:
AlorsTimeForWine · 17/05/2025 15:02

Zonder · 17/05/2025 14:36

Collect the stuff that comes over this week. Go round with it and speak to the couple together. Be nice but firm and say that there has been plenty of stuff coming over your fence and it needs to stop now before you or your baby get hurt.

I'd that doesn't change anything look at the council website to see if there's anyone who can help.

Agree take over the big bin bag (rubbish AND toys all in one bag) explain its just not reasonable and it needs to stop.

The fact theyare renters is neither here nor there you'll be stuck with them for a while

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:03

smellyhouseelf · 17/05/2025 14:58

Omg. Not renters! Time to sell up I'm afraid. Don't want your baby being brought up next to that riff raff.

I haven’t once actually clarified whether we own or rent ourselves? I’ve explained in a comment up top why I believe this to be relevant (in an attempt to avoid drip feed), and it’s definitely not for any deprecating reason, so I won’t be entertaining any further suggestions that it is. Totally daft.

OP posts: