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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP’s Friday night ‘antics’ - was a line crossed?

351 replies

SarahStam · 17/05/2025 08:30

DP and I have been together for 4 years, lived together for 1.5, are engaged and ttc.

I am tracking and we agreed we’d dtd last night. He had plans to meet his friends at the pub ‘for a couple’ and would be home in good time. He drove there which he said would mean he would limit what he has to drink so he could drive home.

First issue - I was expecting him home at 9 and was still out an hour later, not replying to a text I sent. He then calls me at about 10.45 making barely any sense and clearly pissed. He asks if I can give him a lift home. Fine.

Two of his friends help him in to my car, such was his state. It’s about a 15 minute journey home and half way back, he is sick, it absolutely stunk.

We get home, I tell him to go in and clean himself up and I do what I can to clean the car (he’d have been no help) - luckily most ended up on him.

Once back inside he remembered we’d agreed to dtd. I told him that he was in no state to ‘perform’ and he said he’d try to sober up so started downing water.

I was downstairs for c.20 minutes and when I returned upstairs, he was led naked on the bed. He said he was up for dtd and almost as the words left his mouth, I heard him break wind but there was that awful sounding wet sound. He’d only followed through onto our white bedding.

I went ballistic and told him to sleep on the sofa, and I slept in the spare room.

This morning, he has said sorry and that ‘we’re all allowed an off night’. I told him I don’t accept the apology as it stands and am furious with his behaviour.

He just seems so blasé about it, he hasn’t done this before but I feel so disrespected.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/05/2025 08:32

That sounds really gross
I hope he's cleaning it all up himself today, and you're not going to have a kid with someone who can't control his own bodily functions

blubbyblub · 17/05/2025 08:32

Do adult men actually behave like this?
vomiting in the car?
shitting on the bed?

I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. This is just not a person I would want to be involved with.

Couldyounot · 17/05/2025 08:33

Fucking hell. He needs as a bare minimum to clean everything he has soiled, now. Can't just puke and shit all over everything and just go "soz babe"

lostinthesunshine · 17/05/2025 08:33

Surely you don’t want to have a child with this person.

Ohmych · 17/05/2025 08:33

That is grim I would be absolutely furious if I was you.

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 08:34

This is just grim. Why do you feel the need to share details of vomiting, farting and shitting? Have some self respect!

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 17/05/2025 08:34

Sorry the vomiting and faecal incontinence on my bed would be a relationship ender for me- I’d never get past it

Mistressofnone · 17/05/2025 08:35

Was a line crossed? I’d say it was pole vaulted over

LetGoLetThem1234 · 17/05/2025 08:35

He's not the sort of person who I would want to conceive with.

Even if as you say this hasn't happened before.

This situation has shown you an side to him that you didn't know about. Don't ignore it.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/05/2025 08:36

Couldyounot · 17/05/2025 08:33

Fucking hell. He needs as a bare minimum to clean everything he has soiled, now. Can't just puke and shit all over everything and just go "soz babe"

Yeah, it’s this.

The getting pissed on a ttc night is not a huge deal as a one off

But it’s hard to imagine having a kid with him right now, I’d imagine.

Make sure he understands this is not on and put ttc on hold if needed

Somerford · 17/05/2025 08:36

I would not entertain the idea of having children with this man for another second.

MrsMurphyIWish · 17/05/2025 08:36

I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he has never been so drunk he has vomited on himself or soiled himself. I would be angry that he’s not even taking any responsibility.

Aguinnessplease · 17/05/2025 08:37

Pretty grim behaviour, but it all depends on if it was a genuine one off, has he apologised properly, tried to make amends? etc. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes , so it’s hard to say you must LTB based solely on what you’ve described. At least he didn’t try to drive or get aggressive - that would be an immediate LTB .

Blimeyblighty · 17/05/2025 08:37

Surprised at some of the reactions here. It’s obviously gross but it wouldn’t be a relationship ender for me as a one off.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 17/05/2025 08:38

This sounds grim. Are you sure you want to have children with a man who can’t have one drink and drive home safely, breaks his word to you about being home on time, gets so drunk he is unable to get himself home, is sick in the car, then his crowning moment of glory… he accidentally shits himself on a white bed cover, whilst naked and expecting a drunken shag! Hmmmm Prince Charming he is not.

MellowPinkDeer · 17/05/2025 08:38

This is not the type of person to have a baby with. He is basically a child himself. Take the warning and get the hell out of there!

Largestlegocollectionever · 17/05/2025 08:39

I’d get out now whilst you still can - this behaviour will never change especially as he’s so blasé about it.

Not all men, or people are like this, you don’t have to be with someone that is.

F1LandoFan · 17/05/2025 08:40

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 08:34

This is just grim. Why do you feel the need to share details of vomiting, farting and shitting? Have some self respect!

This is a very unkind response. She’s asking whether she’s being reasonable for being upset. She’s not posting on her Facebook account. Be kinder FFS.

Reallybadidea · 17/05/2025 08:40

Regardless of all the revolting bodily functions he shared with you last night, are you absolutely sure he wants to have a baby with you right now? Last night he prioritised getting drunk with his mates over TTC a baby with you. That doesn't exactly scream commitment to me.

There are so many stories on here of useful partners and fathers who "change" after having kids. Do they change or do they hide it until they've got their partner in a position where it's difficult to leave? Maybe this is your first hint of the kind of father he'd be?

FiveShelties · 17/05/2025 08:41

Get rid of him. Life is too short to tolerate this.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/05/2025 08:42

It was a one off and he had the good grace to be absolutely mortified I might let it go. The being blase about it is the big problem for me. Is it possible he’s just really embarrassed and trying to avoid thinking about it? If he actually thinks this isn’t a big deal I’d be reconsidering the relationship. Please tell me he’s getting on with cleaning everything this morning, including the car.

Barney16 · 17/05/2025 08:42

The line was left way behind...

Chocchips123 · 17/05/2025 08:42

Blimeyblighty · 17/05/2025 08:37

Surprised at some of the reactions here. It’s obviously gross but it wouldn’t be a relationship ender for me as a one off.

Is it a 1 off though? They aren't even married yet and he's acting that way !

amooseymoomum · 17/05/2025 08:42

ok everyone goes crazy now and then but this crossed a line. why do you want a baby with him? he sounds like a baby himself.
perhaps all this though was a message to you ie he does not want to have a baby

Shhhhitsmagic · 17/05/2025 08:42

That's grim. I'd be seriously rethinking plans to marry and have a baby with this man. Imagine if he does it again and you're having to clean up his shit while looking after a baby?

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