To think new mums should be given a good weeks breathing space?

[Glowowowowowow]

People have no newborn etiquette. It is appaling. I know someone who left the hospital with her new born, only to have her in-laws visit, sibling pop over, dh's grandparents knock the door. She was telling me she just wanted a nap and a few days of silence and peace. Why do people think this is acceptable? If you are someone who would just knock the door, why? Genuinely trying to understand.

It’s different for everyone, let the parents lead.

I let everyone visit on the first day. Then I told everyone we wanted to settle as a family and got weeks of peace.

Totally depends on the birth, how mum / baby are and the relationships. I had a long rough labour, emergency C-section and was absolutely knackered after 4 nights with little sleep & in a lot of pain (turned out I had an infection and was back in hospital in a week). I’d have dreaded hearing a knock on the door that first afternoon / evening but by day 2/3 at home I was fine for visitors.

My in laws popped in to meet baby when I was still in hospital- much easier for me as I was on plenty of pain meds and just had to sit in my bed!

Each to their own, as long as no one is pressuring the new mum to have visitors if she isn’t ready, it can be really overwhelming and not everyone is filled with excitement to show them off the minute they hold their baby. Just be thoughtful and ask “let us know when up for a quick visit, we would love to see you.”

People should just wait to be INVITED. It can't be that hard, but too many people are so inconsiderate.

Newborns don't need "cuddles" from any random people, their parents are enough.

I know plenty of mums who want to be left alone. From specific people I would add, but too many women have over-bearing MIL. Rarely FIL funnily enough.

It's common to want a couple of close friends, your mum and sister, but not be ready or willing to see the in-laws and some random neighbour.

It’s only something I have heard of on here. Most people in my life have said something along the lines of baby born, likely to be home on xx, we would love to introduce you to baby when we get home

Obviously if someone said they didn’t want any visitors I would respect it but it’s not something I have experienced and I have also visited lots of babies and their mums in hospital and been invited to do so

Everyone is different. I loved having visitors.

I didn’t even make it home before my MIL, SIL and her partner rocked up to the maternity ward not two hours after DD was born! I’d had a traumatic birth, spaced out on pain relief and was really unwell. I desperately needed to sleep.

DD’s father couldn’t understand why I wasn’t talking and was actually annoyed with me when the midwife told them to leave.

https://amzn.eu/d/5lwWNuL

Another option?

I didn’t want to be left on my own to manage for any time at all!!! I was very grateful for all the family that visited and looked after me and held my baby so I could recover.
If you don’t want visitors, use your words and ask them to wait a week.
I would never have made my mum wait a week to meet her first grandchild.

DH and I loved having some time together with our newly born DS. We didn’t have a single visitor for ages. It was bliss.

Completely Agree and affected me bonding. I do lots of clients they must of thought they were the only one as well as family and my mums friends. Bloody Awful.. 18 years ago and it was one of the worse things. Having to keep your house tidy, not wanting to breast feed on front of male visitors. All my real friends respectfully waited.

I had no problem with this, I have a very small side of family & they're overseas, my ex's family were so excited when our son was born, they were so nice, I didn't feel the need (not that I would in general) to offer tea or biscuits & the best thing is no one expected that, they just wanted to see our baby

I understand this is not everyones experience & if it's not then have your time, it's all so individual

I thought I'd be delighted to have visitors, the hospital room was full with relatives that came running as soon as I'd given birth. In reality due to birth trauma I wet myself very time I stood up. Which burned up my very torn apart private areas, so was agonising as well as embarrassing. No maternity pad could hold it.
I remember sitting there, room full of people, panicking because I just knew I would wee everywhere if I stood up and I was busting to go. Smile plastered on my face. Making small talk, while everyone but me held my baby.
Breasts then engorged, hot and painful, really just needing the baby on them. But no. In laws and my family need a hold. Friends. Every fucking one has been waiting for this. Be nice.
Haven't slept really since before labour. Must get out of bed, visitors are here!
What people don't realise is that the new mother is not necessary just hogging the baby and being selfish, she really NEEDS privacy. She is in PAIN.
Rounds of visitors can be actual physical torture.

My MIL came to the hospital post birth. I was noy showered blood down my legs and I look like I had been run over by a tractor. She ignored me anyway.

most selfish thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life

Close family & friends came to the hospital or to the house soon after & I was happy to see them. They wanted to show support and meet the baby. Each to their own but personally I wanted my loved ones around me.

So there’s only one correct way to navigate this and it’s your way, is that what you’re saying? How arrogant to dismiss other people’s priorities as ‘nonsense’ just because you can’t personally understand them.

I loved showing off. my babies to visitors , I don’t understand the trend to not allow anyone to visit.

I just wanted my close friends and family to meet my babies when newborn 30 years ago.
My daughter had her baby a few weeks ago and was so happy that one of her brothers was staying that weekend to meet his nephew. All family dynamics are different but we are a close family.

That sounds horrific, I'm so sorry you went through that

My parents and siblings all visited me in hospital when I had my first. As did a couple of my friends.

It meant the world to me, and I loved sharing my beautiful baby with them.

We weren't allowed visitors in the mat hospital, I'm glad! I had a relatively speaking "easy" straight forward birth but like any other time I've been in hospital for heart things I didn't want visitors either, that's intrusive, that said it was noisy & I should have just left a few hours later, there was a woman on her a few beds down on her phone the whole time, loudly

Both mums were round the same day and by the next Sunday DD was being passed round the old ladies at church. I could drink a cup of tea in peace.

Fabulous time.

The OP asked other opinions. I shared mine.

I'm more than happy not to visit mums who don't want to be visited but it's not etiquette it's personal preference.

I had similar when I had dd. I'd had a c-section and I just wanted a couple days to recuperate when I got home, but we had friends and relatives turning up without asking first. I was really firm about it (much to peoples disgust) and I kept the blinds closed, and didn't answer the door or my phone until I was ready to see people.