To think new mums should be given a good weeks breathing space?

[Glowowowowowow]

People have no newborn etiquette. It is appaling. I know someone who left the hospital with her new born, only to have her in-laws visit, sibling pop over, dh's grandparents knock the door. She was telling me she just wanted a nap and a few days of silence and peace. Why do people think this is acceptable? If you are someone who would just knock the door, why? Genuinely trying to understand.

I think it’s very much down to the individual and they should convey their wishes to their family / friends . FWIW I was more than happy to have visitors whenever and as soon as .

I was in hospital with DS for 10days after he was born at 36wks. He spent a few days in NICU so we then had to stay in the restricted transition unit for mums and babies who leave NICU. Visiting was very limited, apart from fathers and there was a midwife and nursery nurse in there 24/7. There was only two of us so we had one to one care. I left after 10days, fully rested and ready to go.

I couldn’t do much and after a c section it was the perfect recovery. I had superb support establishing breast feeding and because it was quiet the staff did so much. I can understand why mums have nursery nurses for a few weeks after leaving hospital if they don’t have family support.

I was ready to leave though, having spent a month in hospital before DS was born. The first thing we did when we got home was a Tescos run and catered for a big family get together the following day.

This was the norm in my Mother’s Day. Not easy if you had other children but I think women benefitted from it.

I got very arsey when a distant relative turned up on day 5 and tried to take the baby.

My health visitor put it this way. No sane person would walk into Longleat and pick up a baby lion cub. The lioness would rip them limb from limb. So if a new mum gets a bit tetchy with an uninvited guest, that guest has only themselves to blame.

Yanbu

I'd have been really upset if my family ( including my in laws) hadn't come to see my babies. I was desperate to show them off!

I liked having visitors and getting out and about. Everyone is different.

There's no such thing as newborn etiquette surely?
Personally, I loved having visitors fussing over the most beautiful baby in the world.

My SIL turned up unannounced at the hospital about 3 hours after I’d given birth. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about that.

Yanbu. I did it second time around and it was bliss.

First time round I was expected to make tea and polite chit chat days after an EMCS. Truly awful experience. My family and ex's family just held the baby so it missed attempted feed times while I pottered around. I had no strength to tell them to bugger off.

Christ, I'd have refused to see her. Wtf was she thinking?

Oh I just wanted to show mine off! Couldn’t wait to see people.

My DH turned up 20 minutes before the end of visiting time with DM, Mil snd older sibling. He could have been with me all day as I had a private room but he was too tired. I’ve not forgotten or forgiven 30 years later. It was a shitty day as DD didn’t stop crying and I had no help. Just 20 minutes of his time was all I was worth.

I feel like this whole idea of the "newborn bubble" is fairly new in the West, and everyone and their dog traipsing round to see the new baby has just been the norm for years and years, with new mums expected to just accept it. Maybe I'm old or maybe it was growing up in a small village, but I seem to remember being dragged to one poor woman or another's house every other month to "meet the new baby".

Pal of mine lives and had her kids in China and oh my word the difference is surreal. They have "sitting the month" where an entire month is devoted to and focused on recuperation for mum. Resting, bathing, eating nutritious food and healing are the focus. There are literally facilities staffed with doctors and nurses specifically designed for the purpose of a month of being left the fuck alone for mum. Well wishers don't visit baby at all until the 30 day celebration.

I wouldn't visit anyone without an invitation but I loved having people visit us. Both my parents and in-laws came to the hospital on the days my babies were born. I really don't like the idea that you make people wait.
Disclaimer I know not every family get on but most do. All that "we need to bond" bollocks. Turns out I feel quite strongly about this.

I loved people coming round. I'm not an especially social person but my friends were pleased for me and wanted to share in the joy.

I had a baby and the next day my in laws came and expected me to make them endless cups of tea. Turns out the apple didng fall far from the tree either

Come on in I say. Love having people round.

I suppose it also depends what kind of birth you had.

There was no ‘out and about’ for weeks as I’d had forceps / episiotomy / tear, getting up the stairs was a battle for a while.

Maybe if feeling less appalling after the birth, guests are more appealing.

I loved the visitors. The newborn days are long and hard and visitors bring joy and make it all feel so special which certainly helped me get through the grind of the rest of the time.

After I had my twins (traumatic emergency c-section, which my then husband missed because he had gone incommunicado), I checked out of hospital within 48 hours, as couldn't sleep (really noisy ward).
Day 1 of being home, had my 4 step-children for the weekend.
Then a few days later, 4 of my then husband's family rocked up for several days (they flew over from their European country). And, stepchildren came back for another 3 nights.
5 adults, plus 4 stepchildren and me and the babies in a 3 bed house.
I didn't have the best early weeks with my beloved twins!

Were your family made to feel unwelcome too?

Personally I didn't have a problem with people popping in to see the amazing human I had grown over the last 9 months, however it very much depends on the type of people popping in.
Short and sweet visits, pop in tell you, you have produced a bloody lovely baby and make themselves and you a cup of tea (with snacks/food that is nice and quick to reheat), welcomed with open arms.
The family visitors who want feeding/ hosting not so much.
Family visitors who do practical things like bundle up your ironing pile and drop it off the next day , manna from Heaven !

Please don’t speak for me as I would have hated that! I loved the visitors, it was a really special time for me. But, I had a very easy c-section and was up and about pretty much immediately. Being told to stay in bed and hunker down would have been hell for me.

Each to their own. I’d have hated a week with no one coming to see us. As long as they were expected and not causing me extra work, it was all good with me.

Not all new mums are the same. I'd be upset if people had just left me to it.

I wanted to be around family and to show my DC off.

My brother invited my parents to the hospital to meet their first grand daughter when she was an hour old. That was at the suggestion of my SIL who couldn't wait to show off their baby.

I was invited up the following day again to the hospital.

They certainly didn't want a week to themselves. Far from it.

If parents don't want visitors they need to make that clear but the default doesn't have to be leave them alone