Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School's punishment of all boys in year 6

605 replies

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:28

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

OP posts:
ClassySassyBonnieLassie · 16/05/2025 17:31

I think the first thing you need to do it understand why it was done, as there is no context as to why it happened. it is hard to know if a situation has been dealt with proportionally without knowing what the situation was/is

MonteStory · 16/05/2025 17:34

Nothing like enough information:
what happened for them to need a lesson?
were they separated for 10 minutes, an hour or the whole day?
Were all the boys genuinely involved in whatever happened?

I think you should speak to the school as the reward was for doing the sats, which he did therefore he should receive his award. Also whole group punishments are just a crap of dealing with stuff. They should have chosen a different day to deal with it. BUT my level of complaint would depend entirely on the answers to the above and my own sons involvement.

MushMonster · 16/05/2025 17:35

It sounds like there has been some serious drama with some of the year 6 boys and nobody has owned up to it.
The blame is on those who have broken something on the toilets, or wrote something rude or nasty, or got a vape or were rude beyond the pale to someone on the corridors or playground or whatever, but said nothing.
Your son surely knows, because they should have been asked by the teachers.
Call the school and get the full version of this.

Ddakji · 16/05/2025 17:36

You’ve missed out why this detention happened. An oversight, I’m sure.

Bourbonversuscustardcream · 16/05/2025 17:36

Why are you jumping to concluding you need to make a complaint, without apparently knowing what the infraction was or the involvement of your son. I can’t imagine any teacher would take any joy at all in spoiling what should be a nice day, so my money is on bullying or damage to school property (boys toilets?)

Original poster
htdt · 16/05/2025 17:36

As far as I can tell it was done because some boys are horrid to girls, usually also to other boys as well. The issue for my son is that he's upset that all the boys including him were punished for this, especially on a day that should have been a good one.

I know my son is not one of the boys who have behaved badly because he's been at this school since reception and the only feedback I have ever had is how kind and well behaved he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
htdt · 16/05/2025 17:39

Apparently some boys have said to girls that they can't play football...

My son doesn't even play football.

They were separated for the majority of the day.

I spoke to a TA as there was no one else available and she said they knew my son hadn't done anything wrong

OP posts:
TreadLight · 16/05/2025 17:39

Collective punishment is banned under the fourth Geneva convention. The boys should have formally debated war on the teachers and then non of this would have happened.

Elisheva · 16/05/2025 17:39

I would contact the school and find out exactly what happened, and my son’s role in it. If it is as he says then absolutely I would complain. Group punishments are outdated and ineffective at the best of times, but to miss out on a reward that he had ‘earned’ is really unfair.

Littletreefrog · 16/05/2025 17:40

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:36

As far as I can tell it was done because some boys are horrid to girls, usually also to other boys as well. The issue for my son is that he's upset that all the boys including him were punished for this, especially on a day that should have been a good one.

I know my son is not one of the boys who have behaved badly because he's been at this school since reception and the only feedback I have ever had is how kind and well behaved he is.

I know my son is not one of the boys who have behaved badly because he's been at this school since reception and the only feedback I have ever had is how kind and well behaved he is.

This doesn't at all mean he hasn't been involved in whatever recent behavior has occured. Find out some facts before you start complaining. I'm sure the teachers would have preferred to do fun things than give a lesson on respect so I doubt hey took this action lightly.

Littletreefrog · 16/05/2025 17:41

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:39

Apparently some boys have said to girls that they can't play football...

My son doesn't even play football.

They were separated for the majority of the day.

I spoke to a TA as there was no one else available and she said they knew my son hadn't done anything wrong

Well that's different then. If the TA has said the boys were punished as a group despite some of them being known to not be involved I would definitely complain.

Everydayimhuffling · 16/05/2025 17:42

If the TA has acknowledged that he did nothing wrong then I would absolutely complain about that. Collective punishment is not effective and they acknowledge that he was punished for nothing he has done, which is obviously unfair.

SendBooksAndTea · 16/05/2025 17:44

TreadLight · 16/05/2025 17:39

Collective punishment is banned under the fourth Geneva convention. The boys should have formally debated war on the teachers and then non of this would have happened.

The Geneva Convention only applies to armed conflict.

StrawberrySquash · 16/05/2025 17:45

I think it's also important not to have him go down the identity route of 'I'm a boy so I must be bad'. That way self pity and bitterness lie.

I would talk about why collective punishments are used and why he might think they are a good or a bad idea. Not that I am a fan personally, but it's important to understand this stuff and at his age he should be capable of some decent thought around it.

Mumofteenandtween · 16/05/2025 17:45

It is funny how collective punishment is illegal under the Geneva convention but legal in UK schools.

Although it is well known to be outdated and ineffective.

In my experience the only teacher I know who has done it was a really really poor one.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/05/2025 17:46

SendBooksAndTea · 16/05/2025 17:44

The Geneva Convention only applies to armed conflict.

Show quote history

That covers many classrooms, I believe.

CandyCane457 · 16/05/2025 17:50

It seems a very drastic measure from the teachers, so I’d imagine there’s a LOT more to this than some boys saying the girls can’t play football.

That said though, blanket punishments should not be a thing, and if your son (and I assume many other boys) did nothing wrong, then this is extremely unfair and I would be querying it with the school.

WillimNot · 16/05/2025 17:52

If what has been said is correct I would be very unhappy.
I have a good lad who wasn't the same as some of the others, was kind and very quiet.
If he had of been punished due to the behaviour of a few, I would be taking it further and in fact, if it's only a small number of a year group of boys, I would imagine you won't be the only one. Is there by any chance a parents WhatsApp or similar so you can guage if anyone else has been told the same?

BobbyBiscuits · 16/05/2025 17:53

If there is a very solid clique of boys who play football and were caught excluding girls or being sexist, then punish those boys only.

I don't think it's fair to penalise kids who were not present or involved when any of it occurred.
Definitely speak to the school. It's good they're cracking down on sex based bullying and exclusionary behaviour.

But they could've done an assembly about it during normal school for all the kids. That way the girls would see that something was being done and that neither sex should exclude others from any sport.

NerrSnerr · 16/05/2025 17:53

I would contact the teacher and ask them what the situation is. I suspect there’ll be more to it than comments about football and they’re trying to address it before secondary school.

CopperWhite · 16/05/2025 17:55

I’d complain and I’m usually on the side of the school. They make SATs week into such a big deal to children that to take away the treat at the end when some children have done nothing wrong is outrageous

Rhaidimiddim · 16/05/2025 17:57

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:36

As far as I can tell it was done because some boys are horrid to girls, usually also to other boys as well. The issue for my son is that he's upset that all the boys including him were punished for this, especially on a day that should have been a good one.

I know my son is not one of the boys who have behaved badly because he's been at this school since reception and the only feedback I have ever had is how kind and well behaved he is.

We're always going on about how men should speak up when they see other men behaving badly towards women. Perhaps the school are trying to drive home that lesson - that it is notbenough to be a kind, lovely boy if you stand by while your male classmates are behaving badly.

But, until the detail is known, who can say what the thinking was here...

Original poster
htdt · 16/05/2025 17:59

Yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to diplomatically complain.

This has totally back fired with my son. He has always had close friendships with girls and is always kind.

From talking to the TA there's really no big issue other than that some of the boys complain if girls join in and aren't kind to them in general

It's such a shame because I generally have loved this school but I feel really angry with them for this. It has soured the end of SATS week and just made my son feel like rubbish.

OP posts:
SushiDisco · 16/05/2025 18:00

@He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.”

This sounds like something my 5 year old would say…Is he quite younge for his age? I just can’t imagine any 10/11 year old saying that.

Thatcannotberight · 16/05/2025 18:01

I've had this discussion at my son's Senior School. Officially, whole class punishments ( in my case), aren't allowed. Teacher spoken to by Deputy Head, but it's still threatened by said teacher.
The football boys are mean, even to other boys who aren't as good at football. In son's junior school, football playtime had to be segregated by sex. The after school football club ran on 2 days, 1 for the Prima Donnas ( teacher's actual words) and a separate club for all the other children who just wanted to enjoy playing football. In my experience the football boys play for a local club outside of school, and the attitude comes from father coaches.