School's punishment of all boys in year 6

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My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

The TA is one of the TA's for year 6, she acted like she knew what it was about. But I will speak to the school next week when a head of year is available to find out for sure. She said in this year group boys had been mean to girls, in general and used an example that they wouldn't let girls join in with football at break times.

She acknowledged that my son had done nothing wrong and everyone knew he wasn't involved.

I am a feminist, I've brought my son up to understand the history of women's rights and how women have been and still are treated. He has good friendships with girls and he does support them. I do think some posters are going a bit over the top to suggest a 10 year old should be held responsible for sexism though.

Just send an email to begin with to clarify exactly what happened today. How much of the day did the boys actually miss, what prompted the consequence , and if they are aware not all the boys were involved in whatever happened, why did they decide that collective punishment was a good solution. Depending on their reply (probably not until Monday afternoon/evening) you can decide what to do next.

No I was there in person, the only person available to talk to was the TA

Find out what happened before you decide to complain. Meanwhile celebrate end of SATS with your son.

I'm sorry, I just don't believe that all teachers and TAs involved knew for definite that he wasn't involved and still happily involved him in the punishment.

You need to contact the school and say what exactly did my son do wrong?
If they say that he did nothing wrong then definitely complain.
If they tell you he’s done something you ask the school how you can support them in trying to address the issue.
You need the facts.

I'm defending him because he's done nothing wrong, the TA I spoke to confirmed that the punishment was not meant for him, he just got lumped in with the other boys, as did some other 'nice' boys

If the school knew that your son wasn’t involved and had done nothing wrong then that means that he was punished solely because of his sex. That makes it very serious indeed as that is surely sex discrimination. If he had been born a girl then he wouldn’t have been punished.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/education/overview-of-discrimination-in-education/

I would be incredibly angry if, say, my dd was told she wasn’t allowed to do further maths GCSE because she is a girl.

I think if the extent of war crime was a lunchtime detention then the Geneva Convention might be a bit more chill on the subject

If that's the case then every single boy in Yr 6 was involved but no girl in Yr 6 was...

The TA did confirm to me that my son hadn't done anything wrong

I can see why he would resent a blanket punishment on boys for something only some of the boys were doing. Blaming a whole group of people for the behaviour of some within the group is discriminatory. If the female half of a class were treated like this I'm sure we'd all be up in arms, rightly so.

I think group punishments when not everyone in the group was involved in the bad behaviour are unfair and counter productive and will undermine your DS's trust in teachers and school. So I do think it's a big deal even if (as sounds likely) there were significant issues in the class that needed dealing with. I would start by finding out the details. Ask for a meeting with the head of year (as it sounds like a whole year thing, not a class thing?). TA is a good first step, but you need something more authoritative.

Assuming nothing comes out that makes you think your DS deserved not just to be informed about the need to be respectful and non-discriminatory towards girls (something that may be needed even if he didn't actually do anything if the class has a pervading sexist culture), but to be punished for the way the girls have been treated by being denied the fun day the girls had, then I would put in a complaint and ask the school to apologise. I would also talk to him myself about how people make mistakes sometimes, even authoritative people like teachers and we shouldn't judge them on just one thing (he's going to need that for secondary school most likely) and I'd try and compensate him for the lost fun day somehow (if the school won't put another one on). Maybe take him out of school for a day with a friend or two and go and do something fun with him.

Schools are not immune from sex discrimination - I have seen it with my children. For example, DD turning up late and getting a sympathy and no consequences, my DS is late and gets a demerit.. only difference is one is a boy and the other is a girl.

No, I know, I'm shocked. I thought he must have misunderstood but the TA did confirm what he'd told me.

I can't understand why the school would do this either. Especially not today.

This is just sexist bullshit. I'd definitely complain - ask for the evidence of what your son did specifically.

DD1 had this in secondary with a bad class - they's make a point of telling her and us they knew she wasn't involved.

We pointed out it was unfair to her head of year as she was already having to deal with a dsirutive class and interputed teachings and as she was still getting the collective punshment though was sometime allowed out early - and was still left feeling shit. They saw our point and the collective punishments did stop.

I would sent an e-mail as some point - not expect a reply till Monday asking what he did wrong as he'e been left very upset.

The TA didn’t make the decision about the punishment. You need to hear from those who made the decision and go from there.
Don’t go in with a ‘my son is innocent’ attitude. Go in with a ‘tell me what happened, please’ attitude. It will add to the impact of your assertions on the matter and make you a ‘reasonable’ party in the situation.

Once you know what has happened from the school’s (decision maker’s) perspective, you can go from there.

Thanks, that's very useful advice

You should not have approached the TA to ask about it. It’s not in their role to explain punishments to you, you should have spoken to the teacher. If they were unavailable, you should have contacted them in another way or waited to speak to them.

I know TAs at my school are always really uncomfortable when parents approach them like this. There is no way that the TA is going to be honest with you if your son has been a part of it. Imagine how uncomfortable that would be for them.

You need to speak to the teacher about what has happened and apologise to the TA for approaching them.

That's unfair. You could easily argue that the TA should have refused to discuss it with her and refer her to the teacher.

Thanks, yes i do need to know more. I will approach it as trying to understand what happened and ask what my son had done in the first instance

Has happened to my DC numerous times. The fact is teachers know he is not one of the guilty party. They will know who is. So try and put it down to a life lesson. Sometimes life is not fair.

I didn't approach the TA.

I was at reception asking if I could speak to the head of year if he was available and the TA cam out and spoke to me.

I'm a primary teacher and large group punishments are lazy and inappropriate unless you absolutely know that every single person was involved. You should definitely investigate further.

Thanks, I will try to get a conversation with the head of year or his teacher on Monday to find out more