School's punishment of all boys in year 6

[htdt]

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

Would that go for the girls as well? Maybe they shouldn't get upset if they are told they can't play football.

There's some terrible sexism in this thread and none of it from a little boy.

No it’s not ok.

Momkid should get punished for something they didn’t do. How lazy.

Also after the week they’ve just had which let’s face it isn’t for the good of the kids themselves they should have considered doing the punishment over a lunchtime next week.

Definite grounds for complaint.

As a former Y6 teacher I honestly wouldn’t have dished out any punishments on this particular day. Everyone just needs to relax or let off steam. The teacher would know who the main offenders were and should have given them a talking to. Football is always a thorny subject especially break time football.

Im glad you started this thread op as dd10's teacher also uses collective punishment. When she wants the class to be quiet, she will silently stand at the side of the class and raise her hand. She will then deduct a minute from breaktime for every minute that she has to wait for silence. This leads to half the class pleading with the talkative kids because they dont want to miss out on break.

On the last field trip a group of kids were messing around and she couldn't get them under control. When they got back in the classroom she berated the class for 10 minutes (while crying) and said that the next school trip was cancelled for them all. I did gently raise my concerns at parents evening and she said she would take my daughter to the side and explain that she wasn't naughty but some of the other kids! I hate to get involved in how teachers manage their classrooms as its not a job I could do but I might send an email to the head.

I think I'd be on twitter, facebook, anywhere I could post.

I don’t agree with collective punishments.

However I am wondering if the teacher’s thinking was “see how it feels to be singled out or denigrated because of your sex”.

I’m not saying that was the right way to handle it, but as having seen via my own daughters the level of casual misogyny that girls are subjected to at primary school and how boys run them down just for existing, I wonder if this was precisely the point the teacher wanted to make.

Both genders can be disrespectful.I’ve seen awful behaviour from girls and I could put money on parents of girls being up in arms for their children having a major punishment like that for something thing they didn’t do at the end of sats week.

I think this is a fair point and I do think they need to approach in this way. However I think it would need to be gender neutral because otherwise they are telling boys that they need to be stronger and stand up to bad behaviour while girls can look on and be victims. It's not good for either sex.

I think the big thing here is the boys missing out on a special treat for end of SATS. I think missing say maths because you're having a talk about sexism/bullying/football isn't the same.

Do you really think 100% of the boys will have been involved in whatever the issue is, and 0% of the girls? No, obviously not, it’s a blanket punishment which is inherently unfair and lazy.

Why make that point to boys who weren't involved,?

Sounds very much as if the teacher didn’t want to unpick what had happened( or speak to parents) in order to punish the correct children. I get it’s been a tough week but is been tougher for the kids and handling it like that is lazy and unprofessional .

Lessons about respect may look good on paper but a lot of the kids learn to say the right things.

If that was my son I’d be annoyed, I’d be contacting the school on Monday to either speak to class teacher or head teacher her.

i can accept when my children have been badly behaved but know at school both my children were always well behaved as they are studious, hate getting into trouble and loved school and the work they are given.

why punish the decent kids that actually do as they are asked and always work hard.

no teacher ever had any complaints about either of my children’s behaviour at school throughout the full time they were there.

Lazy teaching!

I’d write an email to the Head and ask them to explain why all the boys were punished inc. your son, when they knew he wasn’t involved? I’d like to see what they’d be happy to put in writing in response to you. 🤔

Omg these kinds of passive aggressive comments 🤮

That varies a great deal by institution. TAs at my school are confident discussing behaviour with parents; it's what they're trained to do here.

In my hypothetical scenario, because they are perfectly aware of what is going on and the teacher is fed up with the constant tolerance of sexism among the year group.

In our school for example, there are boys not involved but who are standing by passively while the “mean” boys kick balls at the girls to drive them off the sports field (cos girls can’t play football) or who didn’t write the note in class saying “girls have zero IQ” when a girl answers a maths question but smile when it comes round to them, or who watch and don’t tell a teacher while a girl gets physically attacked for besting a boy in a ballgame (all real and recent examples at our school). The other boys may not be involved but they are also not standing up for the girls or saying “that’s not cool or funny”.

Having said all that I don’t see why the keenest footballers (and that includes girls) can’t enjoy a game. Or just ban it altogether.

It’s not the job of children to discipline other children, it’s the job of staff.

Girls misbehave, bully and can be vile to each other and boys. Should all girls be punished for those doing wrong?

I say this as a teacher who dealt with a very demanding parent today, OP don't bother being diplomatic! Certainly make sure to ask what happened first, but this is all very legitimately concerning. Group punishment is absolutely frowned upon by the DfE. I would just be straightforward about what are some very concerning issues. It sounds like this school badly need updated training on behaviour, as well as tackling sexism. 1) Say you're very concerned no one even bothered to contact you about this issue. In my school all punishment is immediately communicated to the parent with a full explanation of what happened and why; behaviour corrections are not going to work without parents' support. Especially when students are being punished for something as serious as sexism! Astonishing that you're having to chase people down. 2) You want an assurance that unfair group punishment, especially based on an entire gender group, will not happen again. (People saying he's being misogynistic and whiny are overlooking the fact he's being actively TAUGHT to consider being male as something that is guilt by association). Look, I've been in front of a class where so many students are causing a ruckus, all blaming each other and you simply don't know who is actually misbehaving. The temptation to just say they're all being kept in is huge; but it should never be given in to

This is awful. Why punish all the boys. Especially on a week that is pretty awful for them!

I'm gutted for your son and all the children in the class. The boys and girls. I bet a few of the girls feel awful about it aswell.

But I'm responding to the mum of a boy in this situation so whether the girls have to be resilient about missing football wasn't part of what I was saying.
I'm not being sexist at all, just suggesting what might have happened.

The fact is none of us, even the OP herself, know what actually happened and whether this was actually a collective punishment or a lesson aimed specifically at boys.

My point is just that I think the OP should investigate first & then talk to her son when she knows the full story
In the meantime I think just encouraging him to move on from it is better than fussing about it. He's 10/11 and going to Secondary soon
My own kids faced all sorts of unfair situations at Secondary because the one they went to was a bit rough. They definitely needed to toughen up from their quite protected primary days.
I'm not saying the teacher was right because we don't know the full story but I don't think it helps kids to make a drama out of things like this is all.

@htdt you're not being UR. I had a similar incident when my son was roughly that age (although it wasn't to do with being nasty to girls). The head teacher took all the boys in together and 'screamed' at them, then a letter was sent out to the boy parents with threats of not being allowed to go to their prom if the behaviour continued.

My son was upset and didn't want to go to school the next day because of it. I called the head as I was furious they just lumped them all in together and made him feel that way. She admitted he had nothing to do with the incident and I asked her to speak to him as soon he was in school to reassure him he wasn't the one in trouble. Which placated me and he was fine after that.

BUT why do it in the first place? What's the point in being well behaved in school if you get punished anyway? Think our school definitely learned their lesson as I wasn't the only one to take it up with them, one actually went higher and complained to the education board.

I doubt ALL the boys were being awful. That’s highly unlikely don’t you think?