School's punishment of all boys in year 6

[htdt]

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

I think you’ve misunderstood me. I’m on your side.
I know you didn’t need appeasing Im just saying most likely that’s the tactic the school tried to try and brush it off! Was meant to be more detrimental to them. I’m sorry you felt offended!

'I know my son is not one of the ones who behaved badly'

Right

Well it depends. ALL the boys in my son's year 6 class totalled 7 and I can well imagine in year 6 after SATS when they are all hyped up and trying to be the big "I am" and all in a group on the field then yes they could all be involved in something together.

Regardless I still think it's wise to gather facts before complaining.

"41% of sixth-form students reported they had been taught that boys are a problem for society" CSJ Lost boys report
So this is a theme that many boys have picked up on and are starting to internalise.

Is it a private school? Seems incredibly backwards. What quicker way to build resentment towards girls. Idiots.

I'm a former teacher here who normally sides with the school when parents mention issues here, but this time the school have handled it really badly.

If there's an issue with some boys, they need to address it with those specific boys. When they include all boys in the talk, they make it seem like it's a natural boy thing to act in whatever way they are acting and this just reinforces the idea that 'real' boys behave in this way. This will probably make the boys double down on their behaviour. It creates a 'them v us' attitude, both boys v girls and boys v teachers, and will make the poor behaviour seem more 'daring'. The ringleaders will probably now be reluctant to stop as they'll lose face in front of the other boys.

If they had isolated the actual offenders and treated the behaviour as a 'mean person' behaviour, rather than boys v girls, then the offending boys would be given the message that the problem is with just them.

It's now also damaged the relationship between the teacher and the non-offending boys, who now probably think that the teacher 'likes' them less because they're boys.

That teacher really needs to think about what she's doing.

Well if your child has misbehaved then yes, he should be punished and learn a lesson about respect. This will teach him that bad behaviour does not get rewarded.

However, you should find out from the teacher what actually happened and why he was punished. If it turned out that one or two boys had been naughty and all the boys ended up punished then yes, you are right to complain about the way it was handled.

I don’t know why you’re thinking about making a complaint at this point. Surely it’s his word over his teachers until you find out. Did you ask him what he allegedly did along with the other boys? That would have been the first thing I asked.

Also it does not matter one bit that they’ve just finished their SATS. If he has been naughty then this will teach him in future to think about his behaviour and consequences. Adults don’t get to evade punishment from bad illegal behaviour just because they have a birthday or event to go too or find her an exam. Wait until you know more.

Wow talk about stereotyping and writing fiction!!!! Nobody would be tarring and punishing my sons with that brush. Was always happy for them to be punished if they had some wrong at school
which was incredibly rare but sorry not because others like to write fiction or are too lazy to unpick incidents at school. How come girls get the luxury of being individuals, nit being written off for their sex and of only being punished for what they’ve actually done and boys don’t?

As another poster who is a primary school teacher has said upthread this is appalling, lazy, counterproductive and unfair bordering on cruel. Definitely talk to Head of Year, I suggest a complaint to the governors if not satisfied with the outcome.
I'm not sure if boys and girls of that age play club football together...wondering why the girls don't play in an all girls group...quite a difference in physical strength at that age 🤔
I found terrible anti boy bias on my boys' primary school days ( both academically bright, soorty, no trouble themselves).
it was better by year 3 to 6 when there junior school as it was then had several male teachers

Have you been in a school recently?

Here’s the thing, if he isn’t standing up for the girls or is going along with it he is part of the problem. This is a serious sanction which indicates something serious is going on.

Oh jog on FFS.

Agreed 👍

This sounds like the daily mails dream story

Perhaps all the boys need to be off school on the same day and go and have a fun day at an activity! Would send a strong message.

whilst some may need to be spoken to, if once fact finding is complete you discover that a whole sex based punishment has happened, then a whole parent response may be suitable.

Why, you’re literally writing fiction!

You asked a question saying did I think it was unlikely. I answered it with an example of a situation where it could be likely. You are also writing fiction as no one actually knows the facts because they have not actually been ascertained yet.

At no point have I said a boy should be punished for something they haven't done. If you want to jump down someone's throat for having an opinion feel free but don't make it mine. If you had bothered to read my second post after my first crossed with OPs update that the TA had said her son wasn't involved I said if that was true then she should definitely complain.

So yes jog on and stop being sanctimonious.

I think it's really sad so many quickly assume their child would have done something wrong when they said they hadn't. Do all your sons lie?

Also, not all boys join in or try to be the 'big I am'. So stereotypical. If your sons are this way then you need to look at what you've been teaching them (or not been teaching them!)

You need to explain to him that the girls didn’t make the decision.

I’m glad it’s not only my school that has had problems this week.

Our year 6s have had extra breaks due to SATs but that has caused more friction due to football. It’s not only the boys that play football but it has only been the boys that have had physical fights.

Finally, we had to ban football lunchtime today. Yes, it ended up being a collective punishment but it wasn’t a sexist one.

As a pp said, it’s not all the boys causing conflict but by being a bystander and going along with the behaviour is almost as bad. Children have to realise they can tell their peers they don’t agree with poor behaviour. Actions have consequences.

I’m not sure I’d be that diplomatic to be honest. My son came home upset once when everyone was punished because of one child misbehaving. He was quite young and very upset as he was really well behaved and a sensitive soul (at the time). I I saw his form teacher and I admit gave her a bit of a telling off. I am very anti punishing everyone for someone else’s misdemeanour. (I wasn’t ‘one of those’ mums but it I saw red that day).

I did not ask you if I thought it was unlikely I simply pulled you up on writing fiction. If that’s sanctimonious so be it. 🤷‍♀️

@Thatcannotberight sounds like the "hockey kids" here in Canada. The boys who play on external hockey teams are incredibly cliquey in every aspect of school and out-of-school life, and they're mean (sweeping generalization I know). Also a nightmare in playground football ("soccer" here) which becomes an excuse to hack anyone who isn't a hockey kid. I do wonder about team sports for kids - they may form a great bond with their team mates but in my experience they have a tendency to be little sh*ts to any kids not in the team. It was a huge issue for the son of a friend who was the only boy in his class (aged 10) who didn't play hockey and was basically ignored by all the boys.

Well the age of criminal responsibility is also 10. So yes, he should be held responsible if he has made sexiest comments. James Bulger’s killer were also ten years old.

So were the boys kept in at lunch or breaktime for this 'lesson on respect' or was it in normal class time.If the latter then it is not a punishment.It is a response to an incident which the school felt needed urgently addressinhg.