DH refusing to help

[ForCheekyOchreLeader]

My best friend is going through a very difficult divorce and has asked me to provide some emotional and practical support. Her husband walked out on her and the kids, and she is struggling in almost very aspect of her life.

I have asked DH to pick up more of the household chores to allow me to help my friend but he has refused because work is too intense and he doesn't want to disturb his routine.

Despite my best efforts, he has never gotten on well with my friend but I was shocked at his response. Should I expect more from him?

And this is one of the more misogynistic things I've read on this site.

Women supporting women throught difficult times in their lives, depicted as gossiping lazy hags, living off the men in their lives.

If you're a woman yourself, you should really take a minute to examine why you responded like this, with such vitriol, to someone you don't even know?

Support pal is a text, a meet up- it’s not requesting partner change work rota or not see kids(upsetting them, being absent and the ex having to rearrange schedule)
@ForCheekyOchreLeader doesn’t work, no rota to accommodate, has all day to be the heroic saviour to her needy mate

No, your friend is unreasonable for putting you in this position. You are a SAHM to benefit your husband and children.

You are not free labour for someone else's family.

I don't think the responses are mad. I'm the first person to put my friends first and help in a crisis but I think what is being asked of the husband is unreasonable. No employer is going to allow a person to change their working hours so their wife can help their friend through a divorce. And the husband shouldn't be expected to compromise on time with his OWN children who he sees once a week it appears.

The husband can still support his wife to support her friend. There's evenings, Sunday and also during the day at all. No one is saying the OP shouldn't be supporting her friend just that it needs to be balanced with the needs of her family too.

I think that's pretty unreasonable

I don't think it's possible to say who's being unreasonable. I would expect my DH to rearrange things that weren't much trouble so I could help a friend out even if he didn't like the friend. But I wouldn't expect him to go far out of his way and I'd only expect it if I couldn't help my friend without impinging on him. I would certainly try and avoid impinging on his time with his kids if he only sees them at the weekend, for instance. And while in some workplaces asking to change hours is of no consequence, in others it's a big deal. I wouldn't expect him to put himself in a negative position at work if it wasn't essential.

I'm currently supporting a friend who's a single mother who's struggling. But I go during the day to see her, and text or have virtual coffee if meeting up would stop me doing the things I normally do to support our family life.

If it was a one off like going to look after her son because she had to go to the A&E, or helping her move house, I would expect a bit of flexibility from DH. But for ongoing stuff and where the timing isn't dictated by external forces, I expect me to be flexible and fit my support around my current commitments.

Nobody needs to be changing rotas at work because their partners chum (who they don’t get on with) got dumped. You can support your friend, he does not have to .

Supporting a friend through a split does not mean becoming a makeshift partner to help them through life, while your own partner has to pick up more at home as a result.

Sorry but you need to help your friend during the time you have available. I wouldn’t be asking dh to change hours for this, especially someone he doesn’t like.

what does your friend need help with? Should she be changing her hours?