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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wfh issues as it's our home!

139 replies

Beautifulweeds · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok, so I know I am probably going to be shot down in flames but...

DH has a private solo office 2 miles away, all paid for, but prefers to wfh, which I understand for the comforts and being able to do house stuff.

On maternity leave I would have to make sure DC were quiet during his calls, while they were desperately trying to get in to see him, downstairs office. I went back to work FT, dropped DC off at nursery/ breakfast club and after school club, so extra long day for me, meanwhile DH had time to do a shop, put a wash on, all good 👍

Then I went PT as needs of DC became clear, so on my 2 days off (I also worked weekends when shifts were available) he was still in his office and I was home, either with or without DC. The office is downstairs next to the front door so I was coming and going doing errands, also when he worked from kitchen, I felt restricted with noisy chores.

Aibu to think just f##k off to your office, get out of the house, let your company pay for a million cups of a day and heating, just the days I'm home even.

Sorry, I just get so annoyed he's just sat there at the computer, he works hard of course, but does get a lot of free time as well. When I'm out at work, it's great he can do school runs etc but when I'm home it would be sooooo nice to have a bit of me time, do the chores, come in and out as I need to. My job is full on, demanding, so some respite would be lovely before I do my weekend job.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable and selfish, I do have my own mental issues which require space, being on my own to decompress.

On the other hand, he knows this, yet still chooses to wfh just because it's easier, but I can't have an easier work day.

Thanks for reading, felt good to vent, sorry!!! Xxx

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 15/05/2025 20:11

so to be clear, does his company pay for his office and know he isn’t working there?

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 15/05/2025 20:16

This would do my head in too. I get secretly sad too when my hubby wfh on my days off. I can't get the hoover out or relax properly cos he's always 'there'. I usually tell him to feck off to the office and he's quite good at obliging.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 15/05/2025 20:18

If he has an office he can go to then I'd be ploughing on as normal on my days off. He'll be pissed off and soon head into the office on those days. Then he can WFH on the days you're in work - win/win.

Lifeisinteresting · 15/05/2025 20:21

I have an office I can go to but tbh prefer to work from my home office. Is it his company?

Sunnywithacoolbreeze · 15/05/2025 20:22

While this is easy for him it is causing difficulty for you. He should consider this and allow you some time alone in the house, particularly as he has access to an office..Don’t accept him prioritising himself.

RentalWoesNotFun · 15/05/2025 20:38

Compromise is key. Tell him to go work in the office a couple of days a week so you can blast loud music and not tiptoe around (even if you have no intention of doing that)

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 15/05/2025 20:39

Do not tiptoe round him.
Go about your day as normal and if he complains tell him if he wants the quiet of an office he can fuck off to his!

user2848502016 · 15/05/2025 20:44

Won’t he compromise? 2 days home 3 in the office for example?

PorkPieandPickle · 15/05/2025 20:45

I don’t understand the need for tiptoeing around. I wfh, it doesn’t bother me if DH hoovers or has music or the TV on, I’m in my office with the door shut, zoned into my work. If I was in a meeting I have a headset on. If I wasn’t and found it overly noisy I’d put earplugs in. I would be angry if DH suggested he didn’t want me to wfh (he wouldn’t though!)

PeloMom · 15/05/2025 20:46

We have similar set up. I told my DH 2 days a week he must go to the office and that’s non negotiable- he can chose which days. I went on about it daily for few months and finally happened. It’s so much better.

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/05/2025 20:50

Has he actually ask you to restrict your movements or keep the noise down, or complain in any way?
It looks like a lot of self-imposed restrictions over nothing.

My husband and I work from home a lot, beyond keeping the kids out of the room we've never had to change anything to the routine. If there is noise I put my headphones on and that's it.

So basically, you do you, you live your life in the house as normal, and if he isn't happy then he can go to the office.
But if he isn't complaining and you're just upset you don't have the house to yourself, then yes YABU!

TheOccupier · 15/05/2025 20:50

YANBU. Get the hoover out and give the DC lots of sugar!!!

PeloMom · 15/05/2025 20:51

TheOccupier · 15/05/2025 20:50

YANBU. Get the hoover out and give the DC lots of sugar!!!

And send the. To the office when you hear him on a call 🤣

Muffinmam · 15/05/2025 21:06

You’re overthinking this.

Cut the wifi. All you have to do is press the reset button every time you walk past it and it will take a while to reconnect.

My ex and I used to have a friend who would come over and stay all night using the wifi. My ex would just trip the circuit by turning on two appliances at once. Even though all the lights would stay on a few power points would go out - including the wifi as it was on that circuit.

He’s staying home because he’s comfortable.

chipsnmayo · 15/05/2025 21:09

I might just do the hoovering, wash the crockery loudly etc and undertake any other noisy chores, that might push him back into the office!

randomchap · 15/05/2025 21:11

So you work part time and resent that your husband who works full time does so from home?

Have you actually spoken to him about this?

Don't do shitty things like turning the WiFi off hoover loudly while he's on a call, or deliberately send the dc in to interrupt him. It'll just cause resentment and won't resolve anything

Have an adult conversation, explain how you feel.

Tbrh · 15/05/2025 21:14

I made my DH go back into the office 4 days a week. Two people at home all the time isn't healthy and the death of a relationship in many cases. Having to tiptoe around would make it unbearable. Does he at least leave the house for other things? I find men have the tendency to just stay at home which males it even worse WFH can end up making people unmotivated to go out in general I've found.

DaisyChain505 · 15/05/2025 21:15

The key question is have you actually raised this issue with your DH.

You’re not being unreasonable and a middle ground compromise would work. A few days in the office, a few at home.

PotolKimchi · 15/05/2025 21:19

I wouldn't be tiptoeing around him. He'll soon get the message that if he chooses to work from home he either puts up with a modicum of noise OR he goes to the actual office he has, not far away. My DH has no choice but to work from home a large chunk of the time. We try not to disturb him massively but it's also our house so we don't tiptoe around him (kids do their music practice, they play), and he has to work through it.

tinyspiny · 15/05/2025 21:19

I don’t get why you are being quiet , my husband wfh ft in a downstairs office off our hallway and I just get on with my day , music , tv whatever if he wants quiet for a meeting he shuts his door and puts headphones on . First and foremost it is our home not an office .

SkaneTos · 15/05/2025 21:23

Don't tiptoe around him. Make noise.

He will soon choose to go to his office and work from there.

Ddakji · 15/05/2025 21:28

Tell him he needs to use the office that’s being paid for once a week so you can crash around as much as you like in your own home. More in the school holidays.

Sassybooklover · 15/05/2025 21:31

My husband WFH 3 days per week and goes into the office for the other 2 days. I don't restrict my life, by keeping quiet and avoiding certain activities, just because he's WFH. If he was in the office, it's open plan, he'd have others talking and other noise going on around him. In fairness my husband does wear headphones, whilst on calls etc.

Cucy · 15/05/2025 21:33

I would not be trying to keep DC quiet when he can choose to go into the office.

Its only 2 days a week that he has to compromise on.

AffableApple · 15/05/2025 21:42

YANBU. Husband works mostly from home. I love it as he makes our lunches (twin toddlers, SAHM) on his lunch break. Says it helps him unwind! We never worry about being quiet. He puts headphones on for meetings, and claims nobody can hear us. If he ever asked us to keep the noise down, I would laugh and give him his get-to-the-office marching orders. (I would also not tolerate him sitting in the kitchen as I've enough people under my feet.)

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