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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wfh issues as it's our home!

139 replies

Beautifulweeds · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok, so I know I am probably going to be shot down in flames but...

DH has a private solo office 2 miles away, all paid for, but prefers to wfh, which I understand for the comforts and being able to do house stuff.

On maternity leave I would have to make sure DC were quiet during his calls, while they were desperately trying to get in to see him, downstairs office. I went back to work FT, dropped DC off at nursery/ breakfast club and after school club, so extra long day for me, meanwhile DH had time to do a shop, put a wash on, all good 👍

Then I went PT as needs of DC became clear, so on my 2 days off (I also worked weekends when shifts were available) he was still in his office and I was home, either with or without DC. The office is downstairs next to the front door so I was coming and going doing errands, also when he worked from kitchen, I felt restricted with noisy chores.

Aibu to think just f##k off to your office, get out of the house, let your company pay for a million cups of a day and heating, just the days I'm home even.

Sorry, I just get so annoyed he's just sat there at the computer, he works hard of course, but does get a lot of free time as well. When I'm out at work, it's great he can do school runs etc but when I'm home it would be sooooo nice to have a bit of me time, do the chores, come in and out as I need to. My job is full on, demanding, so some respite would be lovely before I do my weekend job.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable and selfish, I do have my own mental issues which require space, being on my own to decompress.

On the other hand, he knows this, yet still chooses to wfh just because it's easier, but I can't have an easier work day.

Thanks for reading, felt good to vent, sorry!!! Xxx

OP posts:
Seamond · 15/05/2025 21:47

Can't he shove off upstairs out of the way, I wouldn't put up with that, when DH wfh he either worked upstairs in the spare room or in the caravan on the drive

whynotmereally · 15/05/2025 21:49

Dh has an office upstairs I prefer it as he doesn’t have the commute. I just do all my normal noisy/ jobs etc. if I am going to hoover or hammer a wall I will mention it but otherwise I just do as I please. Even when he worked inthe communal kitchen/dining area during lockdown I’d have told him to f of if he tried to tell me to keep the kids quiet.

MyCyanReader · 15/05/2025 22:06

He has an office he can go to.

Stop tip toeing around and just live. If he has a problem with the noise he can go to the office!

Gyozas · 15/05/2025 22:12

So, let me get this straight… when you were on maternity leave, despite having an office a couple of miles away, he chose to work from home and then insisted you and your baby were quiet so as not to disturb his work?

Seamond · 15/05/2025 22:13

Looks like you are stuck with this selfish man

MayaPinion · 15/05/2025 22:17

It’s a home first and office second. Sit him down and tell him this, and then crack on with how you’d normally behave.

theleafandnotthetree · 15/05/2025 22:44

If I hadn't already seperated from my husband before WFH became so mainstream, then I would have given us 6 months before I murdered him. There is something so claustrophobic to me about the idea of everyone being in the house together most of the time.

Doingmybest12 · 16/05/2025 01:15

I wouldn't want ridged rules about when I could work from home if I had a dedicated office space and I wouldn't expect my wfh partner to expect me to be quiet in the home if I had somewhere else to go. You need to stop being quieter than normal and then he can decide if he's better going out to work.

beachcitygirl · 16/05/2025 02:11

I must confess to accidentally on purpose tripping the WiFi so dh decided that he should work from coffee shop on his wfh days. I couldn’t bear the constant under my feet of him on my days off (I work night shifts a lot) did my head in.

caringcarer · 16/05/2025 02:15

I'd just ask him if he would consider going to office on the 2 days I was at home. He could WFH other days.

Renabrook · 16/05/2025 02:15

So if a man was at home and complianed he wanted ''me time'' and a women wanted to WFH as it was easier for her I presume she would be called unreasonable?

randomchap · 16/05/2025 05:06

beachcitygirl · 16/05/2025 02:11

I must confess to accidentally on purpose tripping the WiFi so dh decided that he should work from coffee shop on his wfh days. I couldn’t bear the constant under my feet of him on my days off (I work night shifts a lot) did my head in.

Why couldn't you just talk to him?

Be an adult and have that conversation. Accidentally on purpose tripping the WiFi is just avoiding actual communication

Codlingmoths · 16/05/2025 05:16

You should behave as usual in your own house. Vacuum, music, dishwasher, tv, washing machine, kids playing and shouting. He has an office to go to, if he wants to be home this is what home is like. If he wants a second empty house to work from then he has better start making some serious financial plans, but this house is the one his family lives in, key word is ‘lives’.

rwalker · 16/05/2025 05:25

Situations like this are compromise good and bad you only want the good bits

he can do the school runs ,washing and house stuff which is the upside but the downside is him being at home on your days off
he needs to use the office not the kitchen and you need to use the back door not the front

daisychain01 · 16/05/2025 05:26

randomchap · 16/05/2025 05:06

Why couldn't you just talk to him?

Be an adult and have that conversation. Accidentally on purpose tripping the WiFi is just avoiding actual communication

Show quote history

And tripping the WiFi is a dick thing to do.

cant believe the number of people suggesting that, and making excessive noise deliberately instead of having the unambiguous conversation about what's on your mind. How unpleasant.

I'm going to lapse into the double-standards trope, but I bet if it was the DH doing it, the response would be very different,

FourLeafedToadstool · 16/05/2025 05:42

Oh this annoys me too! I started work 6weeks ago after being a sahm. I work part time, 3 days a week. I have had one half day alone at home since then! I'd like him to go to the office on my days at home but he seems to think he's doing me a favour wfh
Also expected to be quiet, no music on and yet get all the housework done... He had to listen to DD and a friend shrieking and cackling all afternoon yesterday, maybe that will encourage him to go to the office more!

materialgworl · 16/05/2025 05:50

sounds like you need to talk to him not vent on here

Funnyduck60 · 16/05/2025 05:50

Beautifulweeds · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok, so I know I am probably going to be shot down in flames but...

DH has a private solo office 2 miles away, all paid for, but prefers to wfh, which I understand for the comforts and being able to do house stuff.

On maternity leave I would have to make sure DC were quiet during his calls, while they were desperately trying to get in to see him, downstairs office. I went back to work FT, dropped DC off at nursery/ breakfast club and after school club, so extra long day for me, meanwhile DH had time to do a shop, put a wash on, all good 👍

Then I went PT as needs of DC became clear, so on my 2 days off (I also worked weekends when shifts were available) he was still in his office and I was home, either with or without DC. The office is downstairs next to the front door so I was coming and going doing errands, also when he worked from kitchen, I felt restricted with noisy chores.

Aibu to think just f##k off to your office, get out of the house, let your company pay for a million cups of a day and heating, just the days I'm home even.

Sorry, I just get so annoyed he's just sat there at the computer, he works hard of course, but does get a lot of free time as well. When I'm out at work, it's great he can do school runs etc but when I'm home it would be sooooo nice to have a bit of me time, do the chores, come in and out as I need to. My job is full on, demanding, so some respite would be lovely before I do my weekend job.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable and selfish, I do have my own mental issues which require space, being on my own to decompress.

On the other hand, he knows this, yet still chooses to wfh just because it's easier, but I can't have an easier work day.

Thanks for reading, felt good to vent, sorry!!! Xxx

Wait till he retires! Seriously yes it's annoying but it's his home too. Try asking him to go I'm the office occasionally so you can spring clean for example. Try to focus on the positive side.

ExpressCheckout · 16/05/2025 05:50

How big is the home office? Put another chair in there and find twenty minutes a couple of times every day, when he's in there, to "sit and read quietly" 😏 or "do some household admin". He needs reminding that it's your house/space too - working at home is a luxury (I've done it) and he has a real office 30-40 minutes walk away.

Renabrook · 16/05/2025 05:53

daisychain01 · 16/05/2025 05:26

And tripping the WiFi is a dick thing to do.

cant believe the number of people suggesting that, and making excessive noise deliberately instead of having the unambiguous conversation about what's on your mind. How unpleasant.

I'm going to lapse into the double-standards trope, but I bet if it was the DH doing it, the response would be very different,

Show quote history

It is like saying ''well if he is going to act like an immature child I am going to have a tantrum and act the same" and we expect children to mature as they age?

Sirzy · 16/05/2025 05:58

So him working from home is ok when it’s convenient for you but not otherwise?

It doesn’t even sound like he has said anything about needing to be super quiet anyway?

Tallyrand · 16/05/2025 05:59

Have you tried cutting the overhead power lines or bombing the electric substation that serves your home? Maybe call in a terrorist threat to your street.

He'll soon get the message.

Ponderingwindow · 16/05/2025 06:12

Both DH and I started wfh before it was popular. We have never tiptoed around the house or been quiet. It is a house first. Kids make noise.

there have been extremely rare phone calls where one of us would ask for quiet and privacy. I am talking about extremely important meetings that happen once in a blue moon. For those, we would make sure things were quiet or even empty out the house.

in other words, just ignore him and go about your day.

Motheranddaughter · 16/05/2025 06:21

I would be upset if my DH didn’t want me in the house

Ossoduro2 · 16/05/2025 06:29

I totally understand. My husband works from home and he is my toddler’s favourite parent so trying to keep the toddler out of his home office on my one day off a week to do housework etc is a total nihgtmare - I spend the whole day dragging the toddler back to be with me as he tries to break into the home office! I had no choice because my husband’s actual office is 3 hours away so he only commutes if he actually needs to.

Given your husband’s office is only 2 miles away you should just make no effort to accommodate him so he finds he prefers to work out of that office rather than the home one if you’re around!