DH wfh issues as it's our home!

[Beautifulweeds]

Ok, so I know I am probably going to be shot down in flames but...

DH has a private solo office 2 miles away, all paid for, but prefers to wfh, which I understand for the comforts and being able to do house stuff.

On maternity leave I would have to make sure DC were quiet during his calls, while they were desperately trying to get in to see him, downstairs office. I went back to work FT, dropped DC off at nursery/ breakfast club and after school club, so extra long day for me, meanwhile DH had time to do a shop, put a wash on, all good 👍

Then I went PT as needs of DC became clear, so on my 2 days off (I also worked weekends when shifts were available) he was still in his office and I was home, either with or without DC. The office is downstairs next to the front door so I was coming and going doing errands, also when he worked from kitchen, I felt restricted with noisy chores.

Aibu to think just f##k off to your office, get out of the house, let your company pay for a million cups of a day and heating, just the days I'm home even.

Sorry, I just get so annoyed he's just sat there at the computer, he works hard of course, but does get a lot of free time as well. When I'm out at work, it's great he can do school runs etc but when I'm home it would be sooooo nice to have a bit of me time, do the chores, come in and out as I need to. My job is full on, demanding, so some respite would be lovely before I do my weekend job.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable and selfish, I do have my own mental issues which require space, being on my own to decompress.

On the other hand, he knows this, yet still chooses to wfh just because it's easier, but I can't have an easier work day.

Thanks for reading, felt good to vent, sorry!!! Xxx

Exactly my point, he uses 2 screens and we have the space downstairs. Would be much better if he worked upstairs.

A friend had to wfh during covid, normally he is in the office Mon-Fri. His wife told me she was about to kill him, dc weren’t little, but she found it absolutely intolerable. Interestingly, my sil used to try to stay out of the house as much as possible because my db worked shifts. I can’t imagine what a total pita that was.

Can you (massively) encourage him to go to the office? I don’t see why you shave to restrict what you’re doing when he has a perfectly fine office.

Have you suggested (told him) this??

Yes and he gets defensive

Well you can't force him to the office but he can't demand that you fall silent all day at home while you look after your kids. Go about your day and your chores as normal. He can decide for himself whether the benefits of wfh while it's being used as a home outweigh the benefits of going into the office. It's work from home, and that's what happens at home.

Simple solution, get the key to his office and go there for a few hours of R & R !

If he worked in an office he wouldn't be in total silence.
Just get on with whatever you need to

You'refortunate to have a home office space - he just needs to keep the door closed.

Just refuse to stay silent or be deliberately quiet. I worked from home often , well before the lockdown too, and I would never have behaved like that.

You TOLD him? 🫤

Usual noise levels, have your mum friends around for coffee once a week, let the kids 'escape' to him during calls and when he complains telling him he has an office which would solve the problem but you have no alternative space to carry out usual home activities.

Why wouldn’t I? Our child and I have no other home to go to and we didn’t sign up to live in DH’s ‘office’ while his actual office sits empty. And before you say it’s his home too- yes, exactly, it’s a HOME before anything else, not an office.
before wfh became so wide spread and the norm , if I rocked with my kid in his actual office whenever I pleased and did whatever I wanted there, would it be acceptable? No! So why is it acceptable, and why some people (like op’s husband) feel even entitled to, work in other people’s living space however big that space is?

I’d do whatever you normally do, make noise as you would, come and go. If he finds it intrusive the answer is clear.
On the rare occasion my DH worked from home he was in his office and I didn’t see or hear from him. I’d bring him a cup of coffee on occasion, but it didn’t stop me from getting what I needed done.

He has two screens set up in the kitchen? So he can make cups of tea and keep one eye on his inbox while he does other things takes the piss while you and the kids try to keep quiet so he doesn't lose his job ..... ?
You have the patience of a saint. Not only is he always there, he and his job are literally in your face all day on your day off. I would be so fed up with this.

Are the kitchen or the bedroom the only options available?
Is his company paying for the offsite space/storage? Could he negotiate a home office install in the garden.

Sounds like you are happy for him to do child care, school runs and DIY when he should be at work and that's seeped in to him thinking home and work are blended completely. You both need to be working on new expectations and new routines.