Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

As I and several others have said, OP needs to enquire to SS to install soundproofing and stop leaving him to scream from 4.30. If she’s scared he’s going to break things in the living room and that’s why she leaves him she needs to wrap them up and put them away as others have suggested. This thread is full of excuses.

I really feel for you OP. I understand how difficult life must be. However, if I was being woken at 4:30 am every single day I would also be complaining to the HA. Sorry. It must be hell for your neighbours, particularly if her teenagers are doing GCSEs.

You must look at sound proofing. That is the only viable solution. As a side note, if it's not possible to move your son's bedroom then maybe the house isn't the right one for you after all.

The comment about them working and saving is uncalled for. Owner occupiers and social housing tenants are both entitled to safe adequate housing.

OP’s options for working and saving are limited by her circumstances which isn’t her fault and plenty of people own because of intergenerational wealth rather than pure working and saving!!

What a terrible situation for you OP. I do sympathise.

But equally you must see this is intolerable for your neighbours. They cannot live like this, nor should they have to. And they are clearly not going to let it lie if your HA has already been round to investigate- if you don’t act, you could end up being evicted.

You just investigate soundproofing asap and convey that to your neighbours. Might it be possible to get a grant? Can your DC reduce the time they spend in the garden by going to the park with someone, perhaps twice a week? If your neighbours and HA can see you’re trying, that will help.

And talk to the various autism, disability charities. Again, they might help with solutions or funding.

She doesn’t want to move him from his bedroom, other people have suggested this

Nah its ok, I own my house so too much hassle to move.
My neighbours are my friends and have more empathy then the OPs toss pot of a neighbour.

You've not acknowledged the sound proofing idea.

Is there no other room, even downstairs, on the non adjoining wall?

How big is the specialist bed?

They cant evict someone if its because a child has a profound disability. They may offer sound proofing via OT

Absurd to suggest swapping with her kid - you saying it’s ok for a teen to be woken up to screaming at 4.30am every day? Way to make your kid fail their exams.

No, dining rooms - if she has one - are not bedrooms, not everyone wants to sleep downstairs and that impacts the whole household too if one of their communal rooms where they eat together is turned in a bedroom.

OP is the one whose child is making noise during antisocial hours - she should make changes.

I hope the council can do something about soundproofing too because no-one should have to tolerate that.

Yes, I did, twice.

I said ‘I am going to speak to our Occupational Therapist about soundproofing options’ on more than one occasion on this thread

Her neighbour isn’t a toss pot. Very reasonable to not expect a screeching child at 4.30 am.

I had neighbour kids who egged my house, put dye in my pool, firecrackers in my mailbox, keyed my car, etc - their delinquency was endless and exhausting.
I would happily trade your noise for their awfulness any day, @YourMintReader.

It not lacking in empathy to be annoyed about a 4.30am daily wake up that you have no control over. I'd be bloody furious if I was the neighbour. I understand OPs predicament but that doesn't change how annoyed I'd be. I get annoyed with my own kids waking up that early!

As i said... you clearly have no understanding of autism as she physically cant stop him stimming.

You can also contact soundproofing companies yourself. You can move the bed off the wall if at all possible.
Could you play some sort of white noise tk try and drown out the noise your son makes?

This whole situation is really unfair for you and society should be kinder x

This is just a mean reply. And totally unrealistic. I'm imagining op can't just but a lovejoy detached house.

Can you get the HA to put in sound proofing in the adjoining walls?

I know you’ve given many reasons why your son can’t be in a smaller room, but if there is any way to keep the 4.30am wake up screaming to one of the rooms not adjoining your neighbour it might make a big difference.

😂

youve not read the FT. The livingroom is away from the adjacent wall so he could be moved there. I believe OP says the son tends to stop screaming at least briefly when he is up and downstairs. But she wont get him up at 4:30 to go downstairs as she’s worried about him breaking ornaments even if he stops screaming.

Oh please, do fuck off. How disgusting can you be to make such a comment?

I'm gobsmacked at your horrible reply here. Shame on you.

If she had no option she should’ve looked into soundproofing ASAP / contacted SS about grants but instead has just left her poor neighbours to get on with it.