Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

I have no doubt OP’s NDN is lying about the severity and content of the noise because she thinks it’ll get them gone quicker.

Me too.

I think it's fairly obvious since she clearly had no idea that he's non verbal and would be caught out.

Further complaints to HA may not be taken as seriously since OP has sent them evidence confirming that it isn't possible for her child to scream foul language so hopefully she's shot herself in the foot.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times.

But he does scream, the neighbour isn't lying about that as OP has said herself. Maybe the neighbour thought she could hear swearing, I don't know. But there is a screaming child at 4.30am as admitted by OP. Don't try to stretch the truth when OP hasn't commented for half the thread, this is running away with itself now.

But you're OK with him 'frolicking' in a place where he disturbs your neighbour at 4.30 am. I'd be livid tbh. I appreciate your son has issues, but you need to make some effort to stop these becoming anti-social. Yes, your son will improve as he gets older. In the meantime, you are the one who must deal with it.

And earplugs are not the answer. They're bloody uncomfortable for a lot of people. I can't sleep in them.

He does scream, there's no doubt about that and I'm not claiming that the neighbour is stretching the truth in that regard. He doesn't scream foul language though because it would be impossible for him.

I find it hard to believe that she 'misheard' a non verbal child screaming swear words.

That doesn't seem to be how straight swaps worked (I looked it up). But it's not something I know anything about.

How do swaps work?

Just because you're autistic and behaved differently, doesn't mean the OP isn't doing everything she can to try and modify her DS's behaviour.
As an autistic person yourself, it's not U to think that you would be more clued-up, and be able to appreciate that the spectrum is massive, and not a one-size-fits-all condition?

I set out upthread how the memory can be changed esp when someone is under a lot of stress like the neighbour. It’s unlikely the neighbour has actually set out to lie. Although there is a phenomena that you hear what you expect to hear when presented with unintelligible vocal sounds.

Why do you “have no doubt the NDN is lying” what are you basing this on. I have offered a scientifically proven phenomenon which would account for her mistake. What are others offering apart from ascertation based on a desire for the NDN to be seen as “ the bad guy” - why? For wanting a decent amount of sleep or to want peaceful enjoyment of her property? Why are you so keen on the NDZn being the bad guy

Not particularly. It wouldn't affect my ability to sleep. In fact my neighbours before last were drug dealers. Apart from the time the Police raided in the early hours it didn't affect my sleep in the slightest.

She’s lived there 6 weeks and apart from a brief conversation where the neighbour didn’t sound particularly welcoming, there’s been no conversation.

She has made 2/3 complaints already, in 6 weeks, all without actually saying to OP “excuse me, your kid is a bit loud?” And actually seeking to discuss or clarify the situation.

She avoids her, and sends her kids to retrieve parcels etc, and whilst making her various complaints has made absolutely no attempt to approach the situation.

We have been fortunate to not receive complaints, but I would much prefer a face to face grown up conversation about it, rather than sniping behind someone’s back. I would be far more open to it if it was handled sensibly.

Which is why I said that in OPs shoes, I’d approach her about the complaints. Try and start building that bridge. But I would only do it once.

Of course all of the above is depending on if you believe OP, which I do.

She’s not the bad guy for recognising and not liking the noise. She’s the bad guy for handling it so poorly.

Well don't you think there might be something wrong with your radar if you are offended by disabled kids but not by drug dealers who are peddling substances that destroy people's lives in many different ways and can even lead to people's deaths.
You are triggered by this thread ( apparently ) and consider living near disabled people like a horror movie but living next to actual criminals is all good.! You know people who might actually be dangerous ( though no.doubt you will be along to tell us that they were actually lovely people and great neighbours drug busts aside of course).

What other people do in their homes isn't my responsibility. Just as long as my neighbours don't prevent me from sleeping at night for whatever reason then it's got nothing to do with me. Well it's no more my business than the existence of drug dealers on the next street, or the next town. Physical proximity makes no difference. I'm not making moral judgements - I just couldn't cope with regularly disturbed sleep. And I can't believe that you really believe that anyone could.

I know you did but I just don't believe it. Sometimes people just lie and then they get caught out.

I had a neighbour in the past (before my son became disabled) do the same about apparent noise we were making. The landlord caught her in a lie and never took any complaint from her seriously again.

Malicious reports happen. As do exaggerated reports. My ex neighbour owned her house, hated the fact that we had 2 young children who weren't always perfectly silent during the day (and went to bed at 7pm) and lied out of their arses.

If that’s all the sleep you’re getting, it would suggest that’s all your neighbour is getting too.

Exactly. That poster who seems to have taken over the original OP’s thread is dismissing everyone’s experience except for those with a disabled child. Which is totally unfair.

@deusexmacintoshmaybe read OP’s posts before insulting another poster with name calling - OP arranged her own house swop, so all your blathering about lists doesn’t even apply here.

That doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening here - and in your own case might not have been exactly as you remember - your old neighbours might recall something differently- and that’s the point

They were cautioned by the police for harassment and as I said, the landlord caught them lying and never gave them them the time of day again. I'm 100% certain it's exactly as I remember.

The same can also be said about your theory that OP's neighbour just happened to accidently think she heard OP's son swearing when it couldn't possibly have happened.

I’ve tried being the neighbour in these circumstances- I know, by now the trauma of living with this has probably led to the neighbour being involuntarily hyper vigilant so 70% noise reduction is probably not going to be enough to solve the issue now, although might have been enough if in place at the beginning.,

I can’t imagine moving with an autistic child isn’t easy at all, but I don’t think there is realistically going to be an alternative-it’s likely that staying in this house is going to result in increasingly difficult relationships with the neighbours. It would be better to start fresh somewhere new.

It’s almost scientifically impossible your memory is 100% accurate - but never mind. - you might find This a helpful explanation as to why your memory is not as accurate as you think

We don’t know the situation with this neighbour though do we

Some things you never forget, that experience was definitely one of them.

If you can believe that she only thought she heard OP's son swearing but her memory is playing tricks on her then why can't I believe she is just lying because sometimes people are simply liars?

Sorry - just edited my post to add in an explanation of why your memory won’t be 100% accurate, even though you think it is. This is especially true when you feel very strongly about something

I recorded evidence of them banging on walls, the window and screaming through our shared wall to 'control our kid' (who was a toddler at the time and simply playing) and the police were satisfied enough with evidence which backed up my memory to agree with me and caution them. That's good enough for me.

Exactly.
And the neighbour is merely an innocent bystander.

I am perplexed as to why the OP moved away from a situation that was working for all concerned.