Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Shouldn’t be at the expense of the neighbours though.

So what are you suggesting then? All these posters telling her to move when there is probably no where suitable are laughable

is there medication that would help him sleep better or any respite residential places or are these non existent now.

at least OP would get a break as well

From what I can gather the HA has had no say in her moving to this property. She organised a house swap. I don't think the HA were consulted. Even if they were they didn't actively choose this property for her.

I don't think "just moving" is an option. She can ask the council but if she's in the south east they are not likely to have one available. It seems like they neighbour is the only one with an option to move.

My gran actually moved from her council 3 bed to a bungalow on a row of 10 or so one bed houses that the council kept for retirees. It was on the larger estate so not shut off from wider society, something like that (obvs detached/3 bed) would be a good idea. They all supported each other and had a nice little community

As I explained upthread I lived with this exact same hellish situation for some years. As the child got older, stronger and heavier, the noise increased.

To suggest we who have lived next to this sort of uproar lack resilience is insulting beyond belief. As many people have rightly pointed out, even during rare moments of quiet one is on edge for it all to kick off again. It wrecked my hitherto perfectly sound mental health and like pps ended up on medication.

Things I tried

Reconfiguring my beautiful cosy home totally so I spent less time in the rooms adjacent to the ones he was in most.

Calm conversations asking them please to at least shut the windows when he was bellowing. The houses were large stone Edwardian terraces on stone streets in a conservation area and the result was a sort of hideous echo chamber. So neither I nor my neighbours could ever open our own windows in hot weather. This was largely ignored as was a plea to at least put down some sort of floor covering to absorb the noise.

Ear plugs. Tried everything on the market up to high grade industrial models. Nothing worked.

Noise cancelling headphones. ££££ Nope. It just dulled the lower register of grunting noise. Piercing shrieking, stomping and yelling unaffected.

Radio 3 turned up to full volume. That drowned out some of it but wasn't pleasant to live with.

Soundproofing. I got several quotes but none could guarantee a solution as every square inch of wall, incl the staircase would need to be covered and that would narrow the stairs to such an extent that it would contravene fire regulations. They said my problem was one of the most common they dealt with.

So I sold up my precious place at the cost of many tens of thousands and moved. Only to discover on completion day they were splitting up and moving out.

Oh my goodness I was with you all the way through this ...that ending is short story worthy.

I know @jenrobin . Couldn't make it up.

Exactly.

This unicorn house with the HA doesn't exist. It just doesn't.

It's really the stuff of horror films. I've found this thread quite unsettling. Unless we live in a detached house, this life-ruining scenario could happen to any of us at any time, and we'd have no control over it.

And even in a detached house it’s no picnic having antisocially loud people next door.

Again with the drama.

Go for a lie down, in your big quiet house 😂

True enough. But at least where it's classed as antisocial behaviour you might have a chance of doing something about it.

The stuff of horror films?

What a wonderful way to talk about disabled people.

Oh no you might have to encounter them, or even accept them or tolerate them.

They're not zombies.

Your lack of empathy for anyone other than families of disabled people is staggering. Do you not feel any sympathy at all for @jenrobin

The potential of disabled people existing next door to me is unsettling. I’m worried about the very idea.

That’s not dramatic, no? 😂

Again with this nonsense! The horror would be to have to endure never being able to sleep or relax in your own home. The cause is irrelevant, it's the effect that's horrific.

No, the potential for neighbours to move in who would make it impossible to sleep in my house.

So do you feel any sympathy for jenrobin?

Actually yes, living next to this is horrific feeling suicidal through the lack of sleep is horrific.

it is not only families with disabled children who deserve sympathy. Everyone is struggling with something - some people might be struggling with mental health issues, with desperately trying to keep a job, with their kid struggling because of stress/anxiety. All of these made a million times worse through lack of sleep and constant noise.

It's not me spouting nonsense. Likening living next to disabled people to a horror movie, stating that it's unsettling and life ruining.

Why did you mention yours is HA and your neighbour’s is privately owned? Do you think she’s picking on you?

“I’m horrified by the noise disabled people make, even thinking about a disabled child I live nowhere near is making me come out in a cold sweat.”

Honestly. It’s hilarious at this point.

One of my neighbours sent me multiple complaints on Facebook messenger about my autistic teen making noise in our summer house on his games, she also moaned about him shouting and the foul language when I would go out telling him to keep it down and how that would set him off shouting for hours. I ignored her messages as it appeared that she wanted me to stop him but was angry that when I tried it made him worse. I had offered her the chance to try herself before but point out that when his 14 years old 6ft 1 and twice the size of me, I don't fancy my chances if he flipped out and that unless she's going to restrain him if he lashes out to mind her own business. We own our property and are going nowhere. She recently moved out and new neighbours understand much better.

Anyone, disabled or not, that makes sleeping impossible for me equals life-ruining. Anyone, disabled or not, who doesn't affect my ability to sleep isn't life-ruining or indeed any problem at all.

Exactly.

As I and others have reiterated, the source of the noise is irrelevant.