Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Inflicted distress on them by needing to house her family somewhere. Okay. 😂

Grow up, inflicting distress by seriously affecting their quality of life & wellbeing. She is extremely selfish

The person making the noise IS the problem. That's a fact. They may be unable to help themselves but that doesn't mean it isn't their noise that is waking the neighbours and affecting their health.

Expecting the rest of the world to feel invested in the situation or understanding of the chaos and noise is just unrealistic. We all have our own lives to lead.

The DEFAULT in our society's residential neighbourhoods is quiet and consideration for others. Anyone unable to conform to that default is the one creating the problem. That's a fact, not a character judgment.

She’s not inflicting anything. She’s living in a house with a disabled child who needs somewhere to live.

She’s not waking him up for an all night party to upset her neighbours.

She’s existing, in the house she lives in, with her child.

If that offends you, that’s on you.

If you’re so happy to be up at 04:30 every day do everyone a favour and send OP your address, she can come live next door to you :)

Oh have I got bad news for you.

You really should have read previous posts. We’re a between 1am and 3am household at the moment.

It doesn’t offend me but the fact you clearly don’t have the capacity to understand how her kid causing that level of disruption is not her problem or responsibility to sort just demonstrates that you are just as entitled as she is. Bet you wouldn’t be a forgiving if you & your family were being woken up by this kid at 4:30 every morning. Thank god I don’t live like some have to

Look with all due respect to you, it's actually you who is continually missing the point.

It's not the disabled child that is the problem per se, it's their daily behaviours, which are massively disrupting their neighbour's family's quality of life that are the problem.

Equally, the child isn't victimising the neighbours at all either, but nonetheless the neighbours are definitely victims of the child's behaviours.

Surely, this is obvious & clear.
This will be my last post on the matter.

Her kid can wake me up at 4:30, I’m already up, being victimised by the kid who lives in this house.

So yeah. I probably would forgive her and her son, because I already forgive this one for something beyond his control.

OP, I'm sorry I do not have any advice. But having read your posts - you have conducted yourself with incredible dignity in the face of some truly awful comments from others.

Ahh you’re one as well..now I get it.

I understand that the behaviour of some disabled children impacts the lives of those around them.

I would point out that the impact is definitely stronger for those in their house, family and life - some here could be more compassionate to that.

I would also point out that even when measures are taken to limit that, there’s very little that can be done to fix it. That’s just a realistic fact.

If there was a solution to late night/early morning noise, SEN parents would have found it by now - without the lecture from those who understand it far less.

I’d have thought it was quite clear. It’s not been a secret.

You really don’t have any understanding of what it’s like to live in that environment, and until you do - it would be best to keep shitty opinions to yourself.

If I was being worn up at 4:30am by a child making noise (that may not grow out of it like a baby does) I would be very upset indeed. I wouldn’t wait for you to move, I’d move myself. And screaming during the day too, my goodness. Sounds unbearable for the neighbour.

But the neighbours are owners. Apart from the fact that selling and buying costs thousands, how will they be able to sell? Who would buy a house with those noise issues? And if they managed to only do viewings during the two quiet hours every day they would probably end up being sued for misrepresentation or something.

Oh sorry, I misunderstood you!

See, that's the thing.
I don't really care about the impacts on their families. It is a known risk of having children. I chose to not take that risk and don't want to live the life by proxy because of where I happened to purchase property.

That sounds cold but it's a fact. We each only get one life here on Planet Earth and having to spend it in misery because of others' choices outside of our control is really unfair.

You have my deepest sympathy but that doesn't mean I or others want to share the pain. Presumably the love you feel for your child offsets the difficulties but those who are forced by proximity to deal with the difficulties don't have that as a mitigating factor. To them it's just noise.

Perfect solution then :)

I’m sorry, Bit I don’t think someone and their children who are being woken up
at 4:30 every morning and disturbed all through the evening are being unreasonable in expecting this to not happen. This we will be having an immense impact on them, mentally, physically snd most likely financially re the mothers ability to do her job etc.

Something needs to be done here, the only person who can do anything is the OP. Sound proofing, not using the garden so much, moving the child’s bedroom etc.

That’s harsh, but honest. So fair enough.

We had an hour’s worth of meltdown outside of swimming on Saturday morning, huge audience and lots of passers by.

Do you feel the same way when you’re exposed to it anywhere?

OP has said she can’t move his bedroom. The room he’s in upstairs in the only one his equipment fits in. He can’t be downstairs unattended if he’s able to escape that space, it’s not safe.

That’s been covered at length.

Sound proofing is being looked at. I don’t believe children should be kept under lock and key, certainly not during normal daylight hours. We wouldn’t use the garden at 10pm, but keeping him in at 10am is too far IMO.

I don’t care about what it’s like for someone else, children are a choice it’s not a choice however to have to be negatively impacted by other people’s kids regardless of the reason, it’s your problem to sort. My opinions are shared by many except those whose choices are affecting others..the entitled ones

Well thank goodness yours weren’t born disabled, if you have any.

That’s the thing isn’t it. So your child’s meltdown outside a pool must of been hard on you both. Everyone else could leave. If I was in Sainsbury’s and couple cope with a loud meltdown I’d leave and shop elsewhere or go back another time.

When it’s your own home you can’t just leave though I bet the neighbour wishes they could. 6 weeks of the neighbours child waking you at 4/4:30am every day ontop of the day time stimming the neighbour must dread going home.

Obviously it’s worse for the op actually living it but as that poster says she loves her child that’s the thing that pushes you to be able to cope. While to the neighbour it’s just a strangers child making their live hell.

My hope has always been that the compassion you’ve just described, extended to day and nighttime, and wasn’t location specific.

I can acknowledge that it doesn’t for some, and I think that’s a shame.