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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our new Neighbours and my loud children

484 replies

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 17:53

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP posts:
WomenInSTEM · 15/05/2025 19:27

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:25

Hardly ‘shoehorning’, entirely pertinent to the fact she doesn’t get what children are like…

Show quote history

That's ridiculous. You're saying that people without children have no children in their lives at all ever?

This may blow your mind but I'm childfree, with 3 nieces, and was a primary school teacher for 25 years.

Lassango · 15/05/2025 19:28

We are not there so we cannot form any kind of objective judgement. You say your children are v loud.

Do you do anything to control their volume when they are playing outside?

To you they are your world. To your neighbours they are noise machines.

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:28

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 15/05/2025 18:06

You can't get your own children to speak at a normal volume, how are you qualified to be a childminder?

That’s not how children work. 12 years of trying, every day, and my 3 still are occasionally loud.

Hulabalu · 15/05/2025 19:28

SodOffbacktoaibu · 15/05/2025 18:06

My new neighbours all shout. Their kids are noisy. Their dogs are noisy. They are noisy. I feel for you neighbour. Try and teach your kids consideration for neighbours. There's reasonable noise and of course kids get excited and make some noise....but the thought of loud people child minding next door. Oh dear.

This

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:29

Annascaul · 15/05/2025 18:06

The fact that she doesn’t have children and isn’t keen on them is irrelevant, op.
Yours sound like a major pain in the arse. Teach them not to be so bloody loud.

What is the silver bullet you seem to know of?

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 15/05/2025 19:29

Vaxtable · 15/05/2025 18:21

Stop your kids making a noise. I accept one may have meltdowns occasionally but it’s your job to have in place mechanisms to stop them. As to the other child, just stop the noise

i dont blame her for putting the radio on as that seems the only way to get across to you how awful it is to live next to someone whose noisy

as to the childminding, if you can’t keep your own kids under control why are you being a childminder!

Took us months to get DS to stop having multiple meltdowns a day, it was horrendous.

I did speak to our neighbours and apologised for if it was disturbing them - they were very kind and understanding.

It's really not as simple as 'it's your job to have mechanisms in place', finding what works/getting help is really difficult, and really nobody seemed to take it seriously enough until after I had to go to A&E after one meltdown and a passerby called the police after hearing DS screaming during another. We've still had next to no support - we were just lucky that DS was referred to a scheme, he engaged with it and it helped him learn to regulate. But any useful practical help for us as parents has been non-existent and unfortunately triggers can't always be avoided.

Itwasacceptableinthe80zz · 15/05/2025 19:29

How noisy can a 2 and a 6 year old be? Are they given megaphones? How enclosed and small are the gardens that the neighbour can’t escape the noise?

I can’t understand the responses you’ve got because I cannot comprehend how 2 children playing in the garden could ever be intrusive.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 15/05/2025 19:29

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 19:27

Well the neighbour has every right to do what she wants. She has the right to blast music depending on what the times are in loud music restrictions, as it’s her house. She has the right to play loud music early morning till late at night if she wants. Is it right? No. Is it illegal? No. But well within her rights. She’s obviously fed up with screaming.

Show quote history

At 4.30am.

pretty sure that’s out of the guidelines wherever you are…

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:31

@mumofoneAlonebutokay hi thanks . Yes it it difficult with asd and adhd to fully understand your volume but we do work on it and he is really good

just not so much when in the garden

and to those who asked he will be at school when I childmind.

im hoping my two year old by the time I set up will be easier to explain too , but at the moment tantrums are natural.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:32

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse i think 430 is illegal.

ny children make noise at 4 pm I’m sure that is not

I understand her and I are living completely different lives

OP posts:
UndermyShoeJoe · 15/05/2025 19:32

She’s a arse for blasting the music but she’s clearly very noise adverse as well so I do think you will come to issues running what’s going to be let’s face is a noisy business.

Because she will 100% moan to the council and likely the parents who are your customers and if they feel uncomfortable by her you will lose them as clients.

RealEagle · 15/05/2025 19:32

BoredZelda · 15/05/2025 19:24

It isn’t illegal. And children do need to be trained, although we tend to call it teaching.

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You need parental consent to film under 16s.

Dontknowwhattocall13893 · 15/05/2025 19:32

BoredZelda · 15/05/2025 19:27

You're not seriously suggesting she should be videoing into OPs garden to film children that she thinks are being too loud? Do you actually think that would be reasonable behaviour?
If she wants to lodge a noise complaint that’s exactly what she will be told to do. Get evidence of the nuisance.

OP I don't think your kids sound out of the ordinary and I think a lot on here sound miserable and unreasonable.

You haven’t met them, you don’t know. What matters is, the neighbour thinks it’s unreasonable.

Neither have the other posters here who say they sound excessive
She's describing the situation and from the information we have available I've formed my opinion.. as you do on an opinion forum.

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:33

Daffodilsarefading · 15/05/2025 18:19

It’s a good job you don’t line next door to us. My dh is a complete music enthusiast and has a very loud stereo which would blown your mind.
He doesn’t play it loud, but would do if you behaved like your dcs do.
You need to teach your children to use quieter voices.
I can’t abide adults who think it’s fine to shout and scream in public. You are teaching your DCs to because such adults.
Bare in mind if you annoy your neighbour, she will do it back to you, and do it whilst you have other children there.

But it’s not in public. It’s in their own home.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:33

@Peaceandquietandacuppa i know . My two year old was so grumpy today so her radio would of made it harder for her and me

no she never ever leaves her house. Is always home. So does notice everything

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 19:34

delightfuldweeb · 15/05/2025 18:11

im not reading this as a dig at a childless woman.
I think it’s relevant as she’s probably not used to how noisy children are so the OPs children are a bit of a shock.

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But she also said the neighbour isn’t on keen on kids. So that comment plus the fact she said she doesn’t have children seems to imply a dig. Plenty of Childfree probably do know how noisy children can be, they were once kids themselves do not a massive shock is it?

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 15/05/2025 19:35

I think you need to start a diary if she intends on being anti social and playing music loud at 4.30am and waking your family up. That is not okay.

Carry on your life and keep a record of anything she does that could be deemed as harassment or antisocial. Also make sure you have a ring doorbell and some extra cameras as I wouldn’t put it past her to start upping the anti directly you start your child minding business.

Matronic6 · 15/05/2025 19:36

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 19:34

But she also said the neighbour isn’t on keen on kids. So that comment plus the fact she said she doesn’t have children seems to imply a dig. Plenty of Childfree probably do know how noisy children can be, they were once kids themselves do not a massive shock is it?

Show quote history

But OP has updated to say the neighbor made it clear from day one that she didn't like kids because of her dog's reaction.

Dangermoo · 15/05/2025 19:37

I'd love to hear your neighbour's side of the story.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 19:39

Allthegoodhorses · 15/05/2025 18:21

All jokes aside I nearly had a nervous breakdown living next door to a very loud family with two loud children and parents doing performative parenting. For context this was in a tiny village with detached houses and I had an acre garden. I could hear them night and day even with noise cancelling headphones and triple glazing. So I empathise with your neighbour.

I sympathise. We had the same. We ended up moving after 8 weeks (rented at the time) as we could not take the noise. Even the cat was getting ill with stress. It caused me to have grey hair. I don’t think people understand how big the impact can big with noisy neighbours.

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:39

ThejoyofNC · 15/05/2025 18:26

Say what you're saying is that you make no attempt to keep your own children quiet and you're delighted that you'll soon be able to make even more noise?

Exactly what OP did NOT say in her 2nd post. She doesn’t try to get them to be quieter..:

Hallebere · 15/05/2025 19:39

Nah I'm sorry but I would be absolutely fuming if she purposely woke my kids up at 4.30am. It's a family home and kids can run free in your garden as much as they like. It would be antisocial if they were screaming in the garden after 7pm and of course you remind them not to scream. She can absolutely do one imo, the world doesn't revolve around her. She doesn't deserve to know your plans to set up as a child minder. She's clearly not a nice or reasonable person so don't tell her a thing. Cheeky madam she is.

Orangemintcream · 15/05/2025 19:40

The 4.30 am thing was petty but it’s certainly got your attention hadn’t it ?

You’ve said at least once now that you “ask” them to be quiet.

While ofcourse some noise in their own garden is to be expected you need to do a bit more than that. If they are screaming loudly in the garden they need to be brought inside.

Dontknowwhattocall13893 · 15/05/2025 19:41

OP did she speak to you prior to the 4am stunt?
Also if she does something like that again make sure to take note in case she does complain more officially.

HamptonPlace · 15/05/2025 19:42

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/05/2025 18:31

Living next door to ‘loud character’ kids whose parents think they are just being kids, is my ideal of actual hell.

Actual hell? What about drowning upside down in a giant trumpet?