Our new Neighbours and my loud children

[Marley11]

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

It’s a village. With smartphone audio/video and local social media, the neighbour can document exactly what children would be in for at OP’s childminding business. No one wants to send their kids to a chaotic environment where there’s a constant threat of Ofsted reports.

Two can play “tough tits” and I bet the neighbour is strongly motivated.

I said PREPARE them to become independent adults… is that not what schools do? Educate children and prepare them for adulthood? And yes, they are indeed still young and learning still there is still plenty of time.

Wow!!! What a barrel of laughs you are.
Are you the neighbour?? You’re extremely invested and very negative.
What you’re suggesting sounds like slander, defamation of character and unnecessary harassment. I feel extremely sorry for your neighbours. What a killjoy!!

I'm afraid your neighbour just sounds like a misery guts and nothing will change that. There's a neighbour's kid who screams a lot and is loud in the garden three doors down from us, but we just tune it out and it isn't all day. When my nephew was around 2 years old, he'd go ballistic if we cut his toast the wrong way or put his rice too close to his yoghurt, for example. So I know what you mean about those tantrums. Your childminding business is none of her business. Of course she will say no if you ask her. Your other neighbours seem okay, and they've all had problems with her. Is she retired, goes out much? What is her husband like? I also don't have children but I do understand that noise is part and parcel of it. If you give in to her now, she will keep seeing you as a pushover rather than being grateful that you are being a considerate neighbour. She will see it as a victory rather than a compromise. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Op said her children were loud, repeatedly . The title: my loud children, they have very loud characters, the loudest voice. Did you not read the thread?

Just because people “hate kids” does not mean they are not the nurturing type. Plenty of people who hate kids are in caring job roles or have a pet they nurture. I’m interested to know when you say people who hate kids do you mean people who choose not to have kids? Because I know of plenty of people that hate kids who are parents themselves, you probably know them too. Let me think, what about all the parents that kill their children, rape and abuse them? Articles in the newspapers everyday about a child being murdered and tortured at the hands of a parent. A so called nurturing type? People like you are ones that are so ignorant in the world it’s embarrassing. Are you not embarrassed by your comments? I would be if I made them. Give your head a wobble and understand the neighbour also has a right to enjoy her garden without her l peace being disturbed .

Tell me you know nothing about how ASD/ADD work without telling me you know nothing etc.

People do not have to keep on hearing noise and put up with 'they are just being children' it is not an excuse

It's always the people with the bratty kids who say, "it's just kids"

Hmm I do think it would be quite selfish to start childminding if it's going to disturb your neighbours. And if she's wokem you up at 4.30am to teach you a lesson im wondering what else she'll do in the future.

She's pissed off with the noise your family is making you must try to reduce it and be reasonable

I think that's demonstrating that everyone can hear your children

Although from is described by the OP, it doesn't really sound like the right environment for a childminders so not sure if there will be much uptake. Agree though, definitely doesn't sound like it's fair on the neighbours either.

@Aavalon57 no she is retired and stays home all day.

@Tbrh it is the perfect environment / place for children would get lots of interest , apart from my neighbour. .

@Fruitbat99 yes children can be heard in a garden by neighbours this is not an unheard thing

@Aavalon57 haha yes we are in the midst of the ‘ toast is on the same plate as the fruit ‘ meltdown days .
yes I don’t want her to think I’m a pushover .

@GoodCharl thanks.

You seem to be doing a lot of shit stirring about your neighbour and that will not be helping your situation.

This thread has become quite unhinged, like a mob of starving hyenas have descended on an injured animal & ripping it to pieces - so much frothing & snarling at OP.

Nothing OP has said about her kids behaviour has been weird or unusual. It seemed obvious to me that she was being flip & lighthearted about ordinary kid noises. Pointing out her neighbour doesn't have kids or visitors or even leaves the house is not judgemental it is simply relaying information to paint an accurate picture.

Abnormal behaviour is telling your brand new neighbour, who has popped round with biscuits to introduce herself, that you hate children IS WEIRD & RUDE by any measure. Who does that? I'll tell you - arseholes.

At no point does OP say her kids are out screaming all day, neither are they making noise beyond bedtime at 7pm. It's severe mob mentality & you're all out with pitchforks to burn the witch having gotten riled up by each other without bothering to use your comprehension skills to read what op is actually saying!

Neighbour sounds like a miserable shit. Miserable shits exists & OP is living next to one. She didn't speak to the last neighbour for TEN YEARS.

Fascinating, nevertheless, to watch when this place goes all Lord of the Flies for no apparent reason.

@Caerulea thank you for this. I have never posted on mumsnet before and I thought it was just for supportive mums. Lol . But I think I upset many people who may of had some bad experiences .

iv posted on a group for the area I live in for perspective the difference was like night and day x

Well this thread is full of crazy.

dc can be loud so try to balance inside and outside play. Some dc have zero volume control - dd1 super quiet, dtd 2&3 loud or asleep (they’re able to moderate now but still need occasional reminders - age 13). There’s a difference between loud playing and screeching - screeching I’d stop instantly.

playing loud music to wake dc at 4.30am? So now dc are tired and more likely to have meltdowns. It was a dick move. I’d aim to be aware of noise levels and ensure I felt it was normal family noise but that’s as far as I’d go. You can use apps to measure noise which might be helpful.

You can never tell when it's going to happen but sometimes the most ordinary & innocuous AIBU can end up like this. They stop listening to the op & just feed each other more & more outrage. Before you know it an entire story has been fabricated that bears no resemblance to the original post.

Like, you literally never said your kids were screaming yet it's become the narrative that they are, indeed, screaming at all hours.

I will reiterate that your neighbour sounds like a dick, you sound perfectly normal as do your children doing normal children things at normal times of the day

Your kids make noise for an hour or so after school and at the weekends, and she played the radio at 4.30am. These are in no way the same. She's the one making noise outside of what most people would consider social hours and I'd point that out to her if I were you.

I work at home in the week and need to concentrate and focus. I wouldn't mind at all if I heard kids playing/laughing/even screaming for about an hour in the afternoons.

Ignore the pile-on. This is AIBU and it attracts people just wanting to put the boot in.

Well she's showing you she's no pushover as well. Good for her.

I have children, I am surrounded by houses with children playing. It’s nice, I like hearing them play.
However 10 years ago a family moved nearby with 2 children who screatch morning to night. All through lockdown there were kids out and all you hear was those 2 screaming at each other. Their dad who has a big booming voice would join in. Honestly it was hell.
They are in secondary now as rarely go out and it’s bliss to be outside, I can still hear other children and it’s nice.
Their neighbour told me it often started in at 5am until 11am, she had to change bedrooms and often stayed her DD who has 4 children to get some peace.
Neither child is ND. No one has ever told them to shut up. I’m from a large family and I remember being told to ‘pipe down’ if we got too loud outside, or threatened to have to come inside unless we kept the noise down.

It’s not normal playing, it’s inconsiderate parenting. I know the mum quite well and she complains about any other noises that disturb her of course constantly.