Our new Neighbours and my loud children

[Marley11]

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP something that sometimes works for us, and I do really mean sometimes because it's been a work in progress for years, is a wall clock, just a bog standard cheap one, and we have blocked out hours in colours, when it's red it's quiet time and when it's green it's OK to make noise.

Some children especially with autism need visual prompts but it doesn't work overnight and it always needs to be clear.

Now my son is 6, doesn't have additional learning disabilities but was incredibly speech delayed and can not for the life of him delay gratification so pointing to this clock and reiterating when the little hand is here it is quiet time just caused confusion and upset until recently where he has started developing more of an understanding of language and what words really mean and not just how they're said in sentences but I can recommend this as a starting block as visual aids. You can put one in every room of the house if you must.

I disagree with negative consequences like warnings because warnings create anxiety like the removal of a resource and that might work for children with a social understanding outside of themselves but it can just cause more dysregulation in children who can't follow complex adult led tasks, can't communicate properly, and can't delay gratification.

Another thing I would recommend is headphones for listening to music. For my son, if he's listening to music loud enough that he can't quite hear himself clearly but not so loud to damage his hearing he doesn't verbally stim quite so much so doesn't make loud shrieks, or talk too loudly, or shout. It's a good tool to have when you're pointing to the clock to say it is quiet time now, would you like to read a book or listen to music.

Our toniebox has also been a godsend as you can use them with or without headphones and kids can pull the figures off and put them back on as and when they want and restart the stories or continue or rewind or toss it about a bit and they're just really really hardy and well worth the purchase, another good option for quiet times and good for children that like to collect things even if they're still in their chaotic phase.

Parents are also annoyed by other children, so your 'point' about non parents is patronising.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead thank you this is great advise .

your right about the anxieties and warnings. My 6 year old is very anxious and hates being told off . I have spent all evening telling him off for noise volume . And he’s gone to bed anxious . I feel terrible now . As this isn’t normally how I parent him. But I just felt angry / upset / she had woke us all and complained in that way about them . I took it out on them tonight .

We have time out cards and talk about feelings on flash cards . But yes the clock could work for him.

but outside the noise is more excitement playing with his brother

my two year old tho no chance . He has no idea how loud he is . He voice travels even when he talks.

thanks again

I honestly can't believe the level of vitriol OP has received on here. So many things she said have been twisted her loud kids in the garden for an hour or so in the afternoon became screaming kids all day long.

Kids are loud and they are allowed to be loud during the day. I live next to a nursery and we do hear screaming and lots of it from 8:15 to 5:45 every weekday. One of which is an autistic child whom literally high pitch screams every day from around 5 until his parents pick him up. I would never dream of making a noise complaint. I know the exact reaction, or complete lack of a reaction we would get of we did. We have two extremely noisy kids next to us. I can literally tell the moment they get home as the thumbs and screams start and last all evening, there are times we have felt our walls shake. Two neighbors reported them separately and the council basically said they are kids in their own homes during and it was expected noise during the day.

Also as OP has pointed out one of her children is autistic. The ability to just control their nosie is a much steeper and longer learning curve than neurotypical children. So all those with nasty comments on OPs parenting can do one.

The fucking irony is if this went anywhere near a council OP would have more grounds for a complaint as her neighbor blasting the radio at 4:39 was unreasonable and by her own admission intentionally antisocial, which I think reveals a lot about her character.

OP, I see where you're coming from but speaking from experience the last thing I would do is speak to her and have her in any way think she has power to tell you what you can and can't do, it will be hell. By all means give her a heads up you're starting a childminding service but state it as fact, I'm not even sure I would be doing that to be honest. The idea you weren't going to make a dream come true is ludicrous to me. March on with your plans, do not give her any power.

@Rowen32 thank you for this

@Matronic6 thank you xx

We’ve had noisy kids in neighbouring gardens on and off for years. As much as it can irritate the hell out of me, I never say a thing as the parents use the gardens as a safe space for the kids to play as they are entitled to. My parents did it with us. The children eventually grow up and leave home. One of the boys who used to drive me mad is now an adult with his own family. Having said that, I wish the parents of the family in the adjoining garden would take their kids in earlier.Last summer they were out up to 11/12 at night which meant we rarely had a quite moment outside.

The fact that most people have instantly jumped on the bandwagon that ops children are too loud amazes me, just because one person said they were loud doesn’t I fact mean they are loud. Perception is different to everyone. What are kids supposed to do? Stay quiet outside. As long as it’s not late at night or early hours and constant I don’t see the problem. Given ops son has ansd, this should be taken into consideration aswell. Our neighbours dog barks the minute we walk out the back door, can’t do anything with out it knowing. It’s bloody annoying as hell but that’s our perception. My daughters friends come around for the pool and hot tub but we make them keep it down by a certain time and the rule is no screeching. We had 15 girls last summer, was a bit lively but they were good as gold. Neighbours knew beforehand and actually said it was no more noise than usual. I live predominantly near elderly neighbours.

Yeah I’m gonna call BS on OP. I don’t believe the neighbour said that. It’s just not something people say, even if they genuinely don’t like kids for some reason.
Neighbour should have spoken to OP before blasting music at 430am though …
But also sounds that OP is not being considerate of neighbour and now wants to run a nursery from her garden. ..
I do feel sorry for her neighbour who has a right to enjoy their home in peace

I’ve come across a fair few people over my 37 years on this planet that made it known they hated kids, some people are just not the nurturing type.. and just because you’ve personally never heard someone say it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t get said.. people like you with tunnel vision, need to give thier heads a wobble.
it also goes both ways, op and her family have the right to enjoy thier garden too.

You’ve never heard anyone say they don’t like dc?
Of course people say it with a tinkly laugh but they mean it.

I bet that ndn did say that she didn’t like dc to the op.

No bullshit. I have no reason to lie . Nothing to gain. she did say that and rolled her eyes when I said I had two boys . I only mention this as I wanted to explain that I knew she didn’t like children . I knew that on day one.

I won’t tell you anything else she said , as I will have her gang gunning for me again so il be quiet.

thank you for the understanding responses regarding my children and my eldests needs xx

Why do your kids have ‘very deep voices’ as you’ve mentioned a few times. Have they had a toddler puberty?

Anti social behaviour is still anti social behaviour no matter what time of the day it is!
My DS sleeps through most things, and I'm a heavy metal fan, so I'm used to noise, but if someone decided to be a dick because, shock horror, children make noise, I'd be recording the lot and reporting to the relevant authorities.

I suppose you wouldn't mind pissing off the other neighbours/rest of the street either?

My Nan's upstairs neighbour complained to the council about me crying when I was a baby, he got told there was nothing they could do.

If it is quiet in the evening and at night, she has no right to complain I think. Although I am not sure I would be keen on living next to a child minder.

I can understand some ppl aren’t the nurturing type but to actually say to their NDN with kids “I don’t like kids” ?! Sorry I just don’t believe NDN said that

I think your comment ‘she’ll find something else to moan about’ is unfair and not justified. She doesn’t like noisy children … she has been clear about that. You sound very entitled to me.

I don’t believe I’ve heard an adult say that no, maybe when I was in teens or early 20s ( ie not adults) a friend might have it but they didn’t mean it

I detest the sound of screaming kids. Even more so when parents make zero effort to ask them to keep the noise down. It's up there with barking dogs - hate them too.

Before I get accused of "not understanding that's just how kids play" I live between a primary school and home run child care. Best neighbours I've ever had. Kids play reasonably and really aren't a bother.

There's a huge difference between fun play and raucous behaviour. There's no need for over the top screaming.

Your young children being vocal in the garden during the day is just life. Your neighbour playing loud music at 4.30am is not acceptable. She sounds difficult and her antics need reporting to the council if they continue. Particularly if you are trying to start a business from home.

She will find something else to moan about is unfair and unjustified? But calling me entitled is fair and justified ? Ok

My comment she will find something else to moan about is , due to her falling out with the previous neighbour for noise and the old man who lived here previously kept coming back to the house after his wife died as he couldn’t Let go. She reported him. He was harmless .

and she fell out with someone else over a tree.

so no it is justified thanks

Op im afraid its a case of tough tits for the neighbour. Your kids sound normal. Dont tell her re childminding, she will not be happy! If she takes it upon herself to not talk to you for 10 years, so be it. Soundproof those walls tho

Blasting music is weird. If I was concerned about someone’s kids being noisy and I didn’t think they knew how thin the walls were I would just tell them. “Hay, the walls are really thin so do you think you could get the kids to keep it down a bit in the morning?” Would suffice fine. Tbh she sounds like she could be a thorn in your side, so if you go on with the childminding I would try and make peace. However if you decide to can that I would just let my kids enjoy the garden and live their lives. Within reason of course, if they truly are screaming all day you need to nip that in the bud. It’s okay to not have kids, it’s even okay to not like kids, but unfortunately there’s kid almost everywhere so you need to learn to live with them. Go live in a warner leisure hotel or whatever they’re called if you really cannot abide them that much…

Most kids get anxious when they are reprimanded. That’s the point.

Let’s hope he thinks before letting out the next shriek.