Our new Neighbours and my loud children

[Marley11]

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

Wouldn't setting up a child minding business in a residential property require planning permission or something?

@Marley11 your kids are just being kids, I don’t see what you can do, you can’t exactly sew their mouths up, kids will make noise.

Your neighbour blaring the radio that early is so petty xx

I think you need to be careful here. You don’t know who you’re messing with, you can only control your actions. She might not have any limits on how far she would go, but you’ve got kids and a lot more to lose,

I know that sounds ridiculous but she’s clearly very angry and it already playing dirty without even telling you she was finding it too much. And honestly, I get her anger, screaming kids, especially if she thinks you just allow it, it can really ruin your enjoyment of life.

My warning is really based off my own experiences with my dad . He’s old now and he’s bonkers. He loves getting in to little wars with his neighbours, it gives him a will to live. The stuff he plans - criminal stuff, like posting maggots through their door after they go on holiday, leaving his music blasting and going out for the day, leaving nails in the road near their drive, it makes me sick with anxiety that he will actually do it and I can’t control him so I have to tell him I don’t want to hear about it.

He’s getting worse in his old age but he’s always had a screw loose and I’ve always lived my life hyper aware that one day you could be messing with someone like my dad who doesn’t know where the line is.

Do your best to get back on her good side. Ask her if there’s any times that are better than others for them to be out in the garden. Once you start your business there’s a chance she could really step up a hate campaign. So tread carefully

They must've felt quite desperate to be driven to do that

Yes. Have met and work with many additional needs children and adults. And I completely agree it can be extremely difficult. But it’s how you manage it. We support them but also teach them how to manage their behaviour and prepare them to be independent adults. So yes, I know it’s not easy.

@Justwatched thank you for this . And nice to hear it from someone whose dad / mum is similar . I totally agree it’s an age thing . Well as I don’t hear things like this from people around my age ( not saying it doesn’t happen )

I did say to her where is the noise coming from , I said I move my kids to the bedroom that isn’t on her wall.
i told her I am aware I shout at them to be quiet which doesn’t help . I owned our flaws. And she did soften . But I think anything we do wrong again she will be back to these tricks .

But I will take your advise and ask her what time is the noise bothering you.

But i know it’s when my son is home from school . It’s then playing together the noises and shouting to one another .
in the day when im alone with my little boy i don’t think she could complain of that as he’s pretty relaxed apart from meltdowns that toddlers have .

but thanks i will ask her anyway

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse ok. Well independent adults tells me you work with older kids or young adults .

mine are 2 and 6 ! So they are still learning and will get there

"So I felt like it wouldn’t be much different to my own kids having friends over which is why I considered not telling her ."

Do you seriously think a childminding business where the parents drop off multiple kids before work and pick them up on their way home from work, a full day, up to five days a week, is no different to your own children having friends over? Are you serious??

That is extremely lacking in situational awareness and empathy for those around you.

@TheHerboriste have a read again . Again making up things I’m saying

You keep saying things like this - "she has no visitors", "she's childless", "she never leaves the house"

You can say you're just trying to add context but it's quite mean, like you're trying to paint her as horrible and anti social so you seem reasonable, but you say yourself the children are loud and scream.

I would try be a good neighbour, take them to the park most days after school so they can get their energy out there, try not to escalate this any more if her playing music was a one off.

@nobodywantsit i under and your view

but I also like someone else said on here . Don’t be dictated by her . As I may not set up the business and shel find something else to moan about

I have apologised for our flaws and things we could do better . I am trying to.

iv not let my kids in the garden all eve tonight which has made me feel sad for them as I don’t want to live like that but I can’t stop every loud noise they make . I have asked other neighbours for their perspective too and they had no problems . And thought my children were fine : but I guess it’s all relative to what you can enjoy / tolerate / listen to .

The OP doesn't need to sew their mouths up. She just needs to try some basic parenting techniques e.g. given them a warning when they are too loud and then taking them inside if they continue. The OP seemed surprised this was even an option when an earlier poster suggested it which suggests she hasn't really done much to try to stop the kids loud behaviour.

@Anxioustealady hi . Erm, ok. I never said scream.

i said loud

and I said additional needs.

we bought our house to enjoy the garden as we spent years going to a park.

we do mix it up . It’s not every night . But I can’t muzzle my children

This.

You've more chance of herding cats than stopping autistic kids screaming if that is their stim. Coupled with the poor impulse control of adhd, it's like trying to stop someone with tourettes from ticking.

All you can do is redirect the behaviour. You can't exactly shove a cork in their gobs.

It doesn't sound like it's enough for her for you to bring the kids inside anyway seen as her performance was to demonstrate how thin the walls are.

I think the neighbour is being petty and unreasonable to retaliate to normal behaviour with unsociable behaviour.

I live in a cul de sac and the boy diagonally opposite has special needs. He is incredibly loud.
We obviously comment to each other occasionally as neighbours along the lines of ‘ Gosh, did you hear Tom yesterday?’
However, every single neighbour in all 9 houses only show tolerance and kindness to that family. The parents are good people and they deal as best as possible with their dc and as decent neighbours we would sooner support than undermine them.
@Marley11 don’t let the ndn bully you. Your dc have every right to play in their own garden within sociable times. Some people are miseries.

Aw I really think you need to be a conscious neighbour and give consequences to the children for loud nuisance noise! Your neighbour was giving you a taste of your own medicine and you didn't like it so please take the hint if you value good relations xx

Children playing during reasonable hours (so not very early or very late) is to be expected, unless you can afford to live somewhere without neighbours.

Noise during the day/early evening is just something you have to put up with, like people cutting their grass, babies crying, bbqs, and the odd bit of DIY. It's just part of living near other people.

Honestly, if she'd come over in a friendly way and tried to find a compromise, I'd be inclined to work with her. But the second she tried to teach your young children a lesson by waking them up, I'd have no interest in meeting her half way. Tell her if she plays her radio again at 4:30am you'll let them eat breakfast in the garden as soon as they wake up.

If I was your neighbour I’d be selling up asap, sounds horrendous.

@Espressosummer this is because I am used to my 2 year old and 6 year old playing loudly

i hadn’t thought to give my two year old warnings for loudness when he’s happy playing no . I said il try this . He won’t understand fully but il try

@Seventree 😂 imagine . I feel she did that to the wrong person and it couldn’t have gone a very different way .

It’s cruel to do that to a 2 year old.
but I’m having to swallow my pride so life can be easier for both parties .

@FamilyFool 4.30 am is not the same medicine . We make noise in the garden at 4 pm.

if I had a baby crying at 4.am I’d hate to think what she would do then

@Cognacsoft this reply made me cry. Bless that boy and his family . It is tough . And so nice he has understanding neighbours like you guys.

You did. You said -

"They do not scream in an angry way or malicious. It is purely when they get over excited"

Your neighbours bought their house to enjoy it too

And she told me she doesn’t like children

That was quite a bitchy thing to say to a woman who actually has children, she could have kept that to herself….she sounds like trouble, don’t let her rule your life, if you never want to hear your neighbours then you should live out in the countryside, in towns and cities you will always hear some noise, especially from young children

Her turning on the radio so early in the morning was petty cruel nonsense, it says a lot about what she is like

Please don't do this unless he's screaming constantly. Children need to be allowed to play and making him scared to make a noise isn't conducive to that.

You know whether he's genuinely being excessively loud, if he's not just let him be.

Obviously we need to be mindful of other people, but if it comes down to appeasing a fussy neighbour or doing what's right for your young children, your priority has to be them...the days of seen and not heard are over thankfully (except on mumsnet apparently, in real life the only person I know that would object to children playing in their garden is my extremely pompous great aunt. She also thinks I'm spoiling my children by hugging them too often).