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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our new Neighbours and my loud children

484 replies

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 17:53

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP posts:
Yellowstickerstalker · 15/05/2025 20:23

Teach your children to think of others. You don’t have the right to disturb everyone else peace just because you have chosen to have kids.
And yes I am a parent too, of a child who is very physical but I would never dream of letting her scream and shout.
I think if you wanted to set up as a childminder then the best way to do this would have been to show consideration for your neighbours from the outset. I guess you could still do this but with the proviso that you take the kids out and about. We have a huge noisy family on our street and it’s caused everyone so much stress and anxiety. Not being able to relax in your own home is awful.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:23

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse yes course she could have ? As could I ? but as an adult I try to communicate my concerns with people in a different way . The radio playing at 4.30 am was the first time she let me know .

my current job is I work with young people with additional needs and trauma. I understand more than most .

what I’m saying is my children are children and you can not control every single noise

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:24

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:13

I said whatever the restrictions times are where you live. Some areas differ. Here, it’s 6am to 11pm. So yes, between them times she can play loud music all she wants. Outside of that is unreasonable. I would honestly think carefully how you proceed with this. These situations can escalate quickly. With a new house and new business it seems you have more to lose than her if things did get bad. Plus records of noise complaints both sides will show up when selling houses.

Show quote history

I wouldn't do 4:30am but you can bet those kids would be taking their naps to the most annoying music I could get my hands on, played at the same decibel level as their screaming and screeching. For hours.

Charmofgoldfinch · 15/05/2025 20:28

It sounds like it’s the volume and duration of loud noise which is irritating your neighbour OP, regardless of the source. You do need to try and control the noise and be considerate to their needs - they do have the right to quiet enjoyment of their own home and garden too. You may need to check with your council re: planning permission for your childminding business, and also your deeds for covenants regarding running a business at home. If you do need planning permission for change of use your neighbour will be consulted so you are best getting them on side now

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:29

Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok. I’m not an especially nice or patient person so appreciate this might not be palatable. I’d go over knock on the door and tell her children are part of life, they make noise from time to time and she’s going to have to get used to it. And if she wants to be a petty cow you’ll show her her arse.

She’s a bully. She’s not used to being stood up to. Put her in her place.

Stupid arsehole.

If you came over to tell me that you'd be video-ed as part of my dossier for the council, told to fuck off and had the door shut in your face.

Slipperybananaskin · 15/05/2025 20:29

I think the fact your son has ASD/ADHD means it's extremely hard to keep him quiet if he's anything like my son. Kids with ADHD struggle to moderate the volume of their voice and it isn't just something that can be taught like people are suggesting. She is being completely unreasonable and childish blaring the radio, she could have just had a polite word with you. I wouldn't change your childminding plans based on an unfriendly neighbor.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:31

@Merryoldgoat @TheHerboriste glad you two arnt neighbours with each other 😂

ha but yes @Merryoldgoat i think I dealt with her petty radio playing very amicably. Surprised myself 😂

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 15/05/2025 20:32

Does the work on your house require planning permission? Your neighbour could object if so. Have you checked for any covenants preventing operating a business?
She could also complain to environmental health and/or the police about excessive noise.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:32

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:23

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse yes course she could have ? As could I ? but as an adult I try to communicate my concerns with people in a different way . The radio playing at 4.30 am was the first time she let me know .

my current job is I work with young people with additional needs and trauma. I understand more than most .

what I’m saying is my children are children and you can not control every single noise

But if she has additional needs she may not be able to communicate with you, that’s the point.

If the children are 2 and 6 then surely they’ll be in playgroup and school throughout the day? So when is the screaming happening?

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:34

@Slipperybananaskin thank you for understanding . I was totally second guessing myself with these comments about my son’s volume. But I have tried since he was two years old to understand his volume at times ( he’s ALoT better now ) but like you say adhd they do not understand volume of their voice . And the more I explain or tell him off the more upset he gets overs it . He isn’t outside all day , he watches tv reads plays puzzle games indoors . He has loads of quiet times too.

I think as she doesn’t work or go out she never misses a moment of noise so to her it’s a lot . To me it’s only a small fraction of the day .

OP posts:
ifIwerenotanandroid · 15/05/2025 20:35

OP: 'i want to be able to set up my business and get along with my neighbour and respect her peace but also for her to understand we bought our home for the freedom to do these things .'

So how are you planning to achieve these apparently irreconcilable goals? If you can't think of a way to do it all then don't set up the business, or find other premises in which to do it.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 15/05/2025 20:36

you answered your own question. Don’t be a dick!

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:36

@WomenInSTEM of course I know this. I have many best friends and family memebers who have chosen to not have children . Who still spend time with children .

she does not spend time with anyone but her husband and does not enjoy children around she told me. No one visits their home.

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:37

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:24

I wouldn't do 4:30am but you can bet those kids would be taking their naps to the most annoying music I could get my hands on, played at the same decibel level as their screaming and screeching. For hours.

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂 I actually don’t blame the kids. As annoying as it is but i blame the parenting and what they are taught or not taught, how to behave/not behave. But yes I have done something very similar in the past and I’m that petty I would do it again.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:38

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse oh she communicated just fine when she knocked on my door at 6 am to tell me why she put her radio on. She communicates just fine trust me .

the noise is usually while I make dinner at 5 ish . They have a bath at 6 ish and bed at 7

and maybe Sundays if it’s a nice day and we play in the garden. We go out very often though .

OP posts:
rainbowsandraspberrygin · 15/05/2025 20:39

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:20

@Theboymolefoxandhorse @rainbowsandraspberrygin rthank you for these responses. It’s made me feel a lot better about the whole situation.

I have thought today it isn’t worth setting up. But yes you are right I do think if it wasn’t that it would be something else she will eventually find to moan about.

yea I will look into sound proofing and try to make amends with her despite my feelings of her waking us all at 4.30 am.

I don’t think she would understand asd although I think it’s his adhd that makes him as bouncy as he is . I kind of didn’t want to explain to her too much about my children and their needs, other than apologise and say I will try my best to get them to stop shouting so much .

I work really hard to keep my children grounded and not out of control. But if I’m cooking etc and they are playing in the garden I can’t at all times stop them shouting . But yeah thanks iv taken all this on board for a way to move forward thank you

It sounds like you’re considering all options which to me is a good neighbour and a good parent.

Some responses on here have been vile - especially one who threatens to wake sleeping babies with loud/sweary music deliberately.

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:39

OP, have you ever considered setting up a decibel metre for an objective reading on just how loud your children are? The are inexpensive and readily available.

spoonbillstretford · 15/05/2025 20:40

Hopefully she'll move out when you tell her about the childminding 😆

drspouse · 15/05/2025 20:41

Children make noise. You are obviously doing your best. They, however loud they are, don't make noise outside sociable hours. I assume your 6 yo is in school too.
But she makes her noise in the middle of the night which is legally antisocial hours.
I would have a firm word with her. Explain you are doing your best, explain about your younger one's additional needs, and remind her that most council sociable hours are around 7 am to 11pm.

Then crack on with what you were planning to do anyway.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:41

@TheHerboriste i have never of this . I will definitely look into it as it would interesting to know .

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2025 20:42

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:29

If you came over to tell me that you'd be video-ed as part of my dossier for the council, told to fuck off and had the door shut in your face.

Show quote history

Just as you harassing me at 4am would be recorded too.

It’s not like the neighbour knocked and tried to have a reasonable conversation is it? Imagine behaving the way she did rather than popping over and discussing it like reasonable people.

I have two disabled children and very good relations with both neighbours. Because we’re all reasonable and considerate.

Her moving straight to her petty shit shows you the kind of idiot she is.

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:42

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:41

@TheHerboriste i have never of this . I will definitely look into it as it would interesting to know .

They are about £15 on Amazon.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:42

@drspouse thank you for this advise . I think I need to go and speak with her again tomorrow . With a clear idea of what I’m saying . Thanks

OP posts:
Calmdownpeople · 15/05/2025 20:43

drspouse · 15/05/2025 20:41

Children make noise. You are obviously doing your best. They, however loud they are, don't make noise outside sociable hours. I assume your 6 yo is in school too.
But she makes her noise in the middle of the night which is legally antisocial hours.
I would have a firm word with her. Explain you are doing your best, explain about your younger one's additional needs, and remind her that most council sociable hours are around 7 am to 11pm.

Then crack on with what you were planning to do anyway.

I get what you are saying but unfortunately she can just move her music until 10-11 and that doesn’t help anyone.

Crazylittleworld · 15/05/2025 20:44

I think you’ve been given a hard time here OP.

Your kids don’t sound obscene even with their additional needs. They’re in the comfort of their own home, they shouldn’t need to tip toe around because of some miserable old bint next door.
She does know she was a child once, right? If she wants silence then she’s well within her right to move to a house completely isolated and away from any noise.
Even before we had kids we weren’t dead silent in our garden, we’d have music on (not ridiculously loud but at an enjoyable level) and a natter. What’s the point otherwise?
Tell her you’re setting up the business, but do exactly that, tell her. She is not allowed an input. She can report you all she likes to environmental health for noise, they’d laugh her all the way out.
Also, what a fool for waking everyone up at 4.30. Does she not realise that will make kids loudier and more aggy because they are tired?!
Stand firm, you’re all allowed to enjoy your space whilst respecting each other x