Christening

[BB333]

just to clarify I’m an atheist, DP is quite a devout Catholic.
came down this morning to my DP telling me the vicar had msg’d him the available dates for our DD christening/ baptism. I said that’s fine and will give my family members the dates and see what everyone can do.
Ive had no say in the day, which, as an atheist I’m not too bothered about, but it means a lot to my DP so have let him have control.
DP come home and I was very excited to tell him that lots of my family (some of which live 5 hours away) could all make a certain date.
i started mentioning the relatives names ie, Aunty and Uncle so and so.

DP then turns round and says that he wants only immediate family to attend. He didn’t stipulate this. He’s now expecting me to call all these relatives up and tell them they’re not invited.

im so upset. I’ve told him that I think he’s being really horrible about it. I was really looking forward to seeing my family and having a a lovely day of celebrating even though I’m not religious. It’s not a matter of money as my Dad is paying for the day.

AIBU to be this upset?

Sounds all a bit one sided to me , you can’t invite who you want or even choose the godparents . But he’s happy taking your dad’s money. You either have all your relatives or you call it off .

I'd be getting in touch with the Church and taking part on the planning.

You have a day in godparents and who attends.

Nope my rents would consider themselves Christian’s even if they’re not practicing and would never dream of saying anything about DP religion. Also 2 of DP brothers aren’t practicing catholics. Only DPP and one brother are practicing. So yes if everyone was together then the atheist and Christians would far outnumber the catholics. But neither myself or any of my family members would ever act in a disrespectful way towards DP religion.

I know. Just because OP's dad is paying doesn't mean he's organising the whole thing. That's my point.

OK that's good. I think at this point you've already invited them so you'll have to go with it, hopefully your DP (that's dear partner for everyone commenting at me, not dear father who yes, has agreed to pay for the christening. I was fully aware and understanding of this when I made my initial comment. Hopefully that's clear enough) will come around

Baptismal sponsors, aka godparents.

So yes if everyone was together then the atheist and Christians would far outnumber the catholics

But neither myself or any of my family members would ever act in a disrespectful way towards DP religion.

Well, except for implying that Catholics aren't Christians

For these sorts of events it's better to discuss and plan them together even if it is more one person's idea than the other. Do you really want to go through with this baptism?

The person ‘hiring’ the hall I would to mean the person who’s paying…but maybe that’s just me :)

I’ve never heard that term used for a christening! You learn something new every day :)

"Booking" then? All I was asking OP was if by inviting more people, had she made a lot more work for him, as he's organising it. I was trying to help her understand why he might be unhappy so they could fix it.

As you're atheist why would you care who the godparents are? (I say this as a fellow atheist who married a catholic and whose children were baptized because it was important to my husband and his family.)

Why on earth would you choose an atheist to be your child's godparent? That makes absolutely no sense, given the role that a godparent is supposed to play in the child's life.

The godparents may need to be catholic, but you can have a say in that. Just as you can have a say in who comes.

It seems to be your partners event when it suits him, but a joint event when it doesn’t (like your DF paying!!!)

having his cake and eating it!

You are allowed non religious godparents

You are compromising on the baptism. He needs to compromise on the family attendance. End of. Though if he is fairly devout I can see why he may not want to turn it into a big party, as for him
its about the sacrament. You do realise that you will have to attend preparation classes don’t you?

Your DP is being very controlling and edging you out of the christening. It’s all very well for him to say immediate family only when he has siblings, etc to invite and you have ‘just’ your parents. But he’s well aware of this and wants you to know your involvement is insignificant. Is he controlling in other ways too ?

If I were you I’d stand my ground on this and invite your extended family.

its the fact that he’s thinking about asking his cousins to be god parents…… yet I’m not allowed to invite my aunty and uncle let alone my 1 cousin.
im trying to do the same as you, I know the day will mean a lot to DP and his mum especially, but it’s very difficult when I feel he’s being so unreasonable. From the first day we met he told me his religion was important to him, and I fully respected that, I even change my work schedule on Sundays/easter/Christmas so he can attend as many church events as he wants. would be nice if recognised this.

It's been really clear to me what you meant in all your posts @Anxioustealady .
Not really sure why Hampton Place is trying to pick everything you say, apart

That makes no sense at all.
Why would you ask someone who doesn't have a faith, and doesn't believe there is a God, to stand up in public and promise that they are going to support the parents to bring a baby up in the Christian faith ???

Only immediate family, so you, him and little one? Ridiculous.

Just tell him they're coming anyway. If he doesn't like it, tough! Your dad is paying (I assume for the after party?) and he can't stop them coming to the church. Point out if Catholicism was that important to him, he would have married you before your child was born! He's being a bloody hypocrite.

It's really concerning that you're talking about not being "allowed" to do stuff.

What other stuff does he not "allow" you to do?

I don't think your dad should be paying for this.

So he gets to decide because he’s the believer? Feck off! Your dad is paying and your child is being christened so YOU do whatever you want and tell him to invite who he wants. I’m so sick of men dictating to their partners how they want things doing. He has NO right to tell you who you can or can’t invite, especially as he’s not even paying for it!!!

Maybe the word allowed and not allowed are a bit strong as I can assure you he’s not controlling in other ways at all.
haven’t asked DF to pay, but he’s paid for all other grandchildren’s christenings/naming ceremonies so he’s just offering the same to our DD too……. He’s seeing the funny side and has joked about how much he’s looking forward to it not costing him a fortune!