I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

Gosh no- anyone who plays their music in their garden (especially when they know others are next door using theirs!) are definitely the nightmare neighbours. I'm on the spectrum (which may be part of it) and absolutely fine with all the usual sounds of the garden- lawn mowers, dogs, conversations, planes, cars, bird song, kids playing- but if some selfish person decides to stick their music on out there it's so torturous to me and I'll end up so upset by it I'll have to go in. Even when its not especially loud or its music I'd pick to listen to on my headphones sometimes. Spectrum or not I can see it often also upsets anyone else forced to listen. Don't be that neighbour!

Huh? I wonder if they’re somewhere on another forum complaining that their time in their garden is now spoiled by the new neighbours having loud conversations that distract them from their yoga/work?!

You know you're being unreasonable.
Can you see them/they see you?

Big fence is the answer

I now want to know who the 2% are who voted YANBU. I’m assuming they hit the wrong button 😆

How on earth is them using their garden any different to you and your DH using your garden? I can't believe that you are devastated that other people want to go out in their gardens, like you do, especially when the weather is so nice.

Only super rich people can afford complete privacy from other people in their gardens.

I do see where you’re coming from feeling frustrated that they are always in the garden but it doesn’t sound like they are really doing anything noisy or annoying? Unless they are constantly talking loudly on work calls/zoom?

Unfortunately our neighbours are always in the garden too but they are much more antisocial - smoking weed, shouting in the house to people instead of going in to speak to them, constant flurry of children and grandchildren coming round screaming and jumping on the trampoline that they kindly have shoved up against our joining fence.

I have to try VERY hard to block them out because I refuse to let it ruin my time in the garden. I think if you make yourself go out there you will get use to it and start to feel more comfortable.

Nailed it.

I would love to have neighbours who limited their garden activities to sitting with a drink, yoga and work.

You never know, with a bit of bad luck they will move.

Have you spoken to them? Introduced yourself?
Might make good friends to sometimes have a drink with?.
I love being out in my garden.. my neighbours and their 3 kids are always in theirs.. .. we say hello etc.. very friendly .
Remember they were there before you.

I think a fence or some hedges is a good shout, but I absolutely think your neighbours are doing nothing wrong. They’re not playing loud music, no shrieking kids, teenagers smoking weed.. they’re literally sitting in their garden…
im glad you don’t live next to us, you’d be very unhappy! We have a trampoline, swing set, footballs basketballs and bikes… oh and a dog! Thankfully we live on a farm..

Wow, sorry OP I think you were the nightmare neighbour

I bought a nice comfy sofa so I could always be in my garden, reading my book while the weather is nice. I can’t believe that I could be annoying anyone by doing so. I’m not making any noise or paying any attention to what anyone else is doing. If someone asked me to go indoors and use my garden less, I’d laugh in their face.

Some people are fucking bizarre.

Look, I get the annoyance. I'm an introvert and regularly have passing feelings of annoyance that there are always all these people in my house keeping me from fully relaxing in isolation. Those people are my husband and children so obviously it is absurd for me to be annoyed that they're there in their own home, but that doesn't mean I don't feel that way sometimes. And having those feelings is perfectly ok in themselves - no one feels and thinks rationally and neutrally all the time. But I recognize that these are feelings that no one is responsible for except me. No one else is doing anything wrong, and it would not be ok for me to put either the blame or the responsibility for fixing them on anyone else.

You do not have nightmare neighbours. Your neighbours are behaving perfectly considerately, they are just humans living equally alongside you in the world rather than NPCs in your story that you can have disappear when it suits. Your desire to have time in your garden without other humans in sight and earshot is not wrong or bad but it is (sorry for the cliché) a you problem. So tackle it as just that - in the short term consider a plant wall by your seating area that could create a little shielded niche, investigate options for a higher fence/trellis/hedge in the medium term, and in the long-term consider that moving to a less dense area where neighbours aren't as close together might be a worthwhile goal for you.

I want to live in the middle of my own field with no neighbours but unless I move to a remote Scottish island that isn't going to happen because I can't afford it.
Neighbours are my penalty for a past life I'm sure of it.

I have all of those too

High fences make good neighbours.

Maybe you should buy a house in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours?

How high is the fence ?
Years ago when we bought our first house we had a very short wire fence between us and the neighbour.
He would peer over the fence into our lounge and he always had the door open and come out if we went in the garden , we put up a 6ft fence and they stopped talking to us.

My last garden was behind a two up, two down, mid terrace, with the gardens on the road behind backing ours - so gardens on 3 sides

Did I give a flying F what anyone was going in their garden?

We had 5 ft fences, 6 foot around the back door - privacy fencing. we put the shed and some very quick growing bushes at the bottom.

We were in our garden whenever the weather allowed - ie - weren't raining we were out there. Id sunbath as nature intended during the day - if anyone wanted to watch they would have had to be hanging out of their top windows

We played music - not loud - back ground

Gardens are to be enjoyed. We would never dream of sitting eavesdropping on neighbours

Where we are now, we open out to fields, Have 4 closest neighbours. This weather we have been out all day every day, we will be back out again later - hot tub when it cools

We sit in out garden in what we want, and we enjoy our garden how we want

Obviously if we were having a late party we would either invite the neighbours or give them warning

Neighbour one up loves his footie and whilst we are all detached, we hear the ball thud thud thud. We ignore it and get on with our own lives

Them enjoying their space should not impact on you enjoying yours. They are obviously not bothered so why are you ?

You’d really hate it where I live, my neighbour has given up on rebuilding his fence after it blew down twice. Broken fence panels everywhere, overgrown grass and weeds, millions of dandelion seeds all blowing onto my garden (which is my pride and joy, I am an obsessive gardener) and NO privacy. He lost his wife last year, so there’s absolutely no way we are going to complain or express any discomfort. It’s just the way things are. I grow tall plants in the beds that border his garden, and have netting up for sweet peas and beans which softens the effect a bit, but sometimes we just have to accept that things aren’t perfect 🤷🏻‍♀️

How dare they use their garden as a garden 🤯🤯🤯

I've got a public park literally (and I mean literally) outside my house. My garden gate opens onto it. Two neighbours quietly reading, chatting and doing yoga is nothing like living next to a public park.

To have people sitting quietly outside would be a dream. Neighbours directly next door are lovely but around us we’ve got the stench of weed, kids banging on front doors and running off, then chucking litter everywhere. Some pisstank shouting at his gf to let him in. Some bloke roaring about in a high performance car whilst stoned. Someone singing along to the radio with the back door open. I could go on.

Tbh I’m always in my garden and I do similar activities out there. Nothing you could say or do would stop me and if you don’t like it it’s tough luck because this is my home and I will do what I like

Just don't go in the garden