I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

You made mention of moving away from your last residence due to the neighbors, i am wondering if your still in that default mindset.
living in a situation for a long time can set our default to what we will accept. your acceptance is no tolerance at all. you want absolute peace and quiet with no compromise.
this is understandable. but not normal in terms of quality of life. so you need to work on your reasons behind this and understand where this is coming from. possibly in a therapeutic setting based on talking therapy. so you can work these things out.
someone using the garden for the same purposes as you want to use it and causing you no personal hindrance seems as if you need to take some time to yourself and most of all be kind. you obviously have some pent up issues from the previous neighbors and are now putting them onto the new neighbors. this happens when you haven't given yourself time to process. ❤

I don’t understand what you think is unfair about your neighbours using their garden 🤷‍♀️you’ve said they are not noisy or anti social - do you expect them not to use their garden so that you can have privacy in yours?

This sounds like a perfect opportunity to get to know your neighbours. Not everybody’s neighbours are horrible. I think you are being unreasonable expecting them to not use their garden and I think you’re overreacting by describing two people working on laptops as a public park. Maybe if you really don’t want any neighbours you should’ve moved to a much more remote area where you have no close neighbours. Otherwise be nice to your neighbours they could be your new best friends.

I really think this sounds like an you issue and not theirs! Yoga, doing work in the garden when it’s nice weather it’s completely normal behaviour and it does not sound like they are have wild parties into the early hours! You say you haven’t spoke to them - did you introduce yourselves when you moved in? As I find it pretty unneighbourly to move into a new house and not just knock round and do a quick introduction! I really think you need to look internally (in the nicest possible way) as thinking that people not using their own garden if their neighbours are already using their garden in my opinion is quite frankly absurd and definitely not the norm! You can’t stop people using their own private garden but what you can do is being friendly try an build a positive relationship and look internally at why you have this thought process.

Oh my god. This is literally the definition of a Karen complaining about first world problems. The common denominator here - is you.

What is it that you want to do in the garden that requires the level of privacy that fencing won't solve.

Why do you think they are taking any interest in you whilst they are out in their garden?

OP when our new neighbours moved in they put a high fence along by what we already have as it’s our boundary. It really wasn’t an issue for us and we get on well with them. They were courteous and let us know beforehand that they were going to do it.

If im honest, to me, sounds like you were the nightmare neighbour. Imagine being this entitled. “I want to enjoy my garden so stop using yours.“ Like others have said if the issue is more feeling exposed or seeing them, then rethink your fence or plants for privacy. Are you listening on their conversations which is why youre paranoid of your own? Im sure theyre not that interesting

Your neighbours aren't the problem.

I suspect they don't care about your convo

Maybe pay for a fence or hedge

Obviously you can't tell them not to use the garden, and you will need higher fences and/or a nice, thick hedge, but I do kind of understand where you are coming from. I had a neighbour once who did a LOT of gardening - not noisy in itself and I couldn't see her, but she always had the sodding radio on, tuned to Radio 1 or something similarly awful, and there's been many a time I was going to sit in the garden and read, I'd open the door to come out, hear the dreadful music and scoot back in. If only she'd played something decent - punk, maybe - I'd have been fine with it.

Please see your GP, you really do need some help with your mental health.

We have some really good friends that started as neighbours - some for nearly 20 years. Other neighbours we have been friendly to but not friends - just polite chat, bring each others bins in etc. You could be depriving yourself of possibly making some good friends by deciding you don’t want to be friends with people you don’t even know yet.

And I don’t understand how you can be worried about them and the other neighbours “ganging up” on you when you don’t want to be friends with any of them anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe you should have bought a property that is in the middle of nowhere!!

They have just as much right to use their garden peacefully as do you. It's not like they are partying in their garden 24/7, they are using it like any normal person would. If you want to enjoy your garden without anybody nearby, pack up and move to the countryside where you have no neighbours!

Before we were in our old house with the bad neighbours, we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time

This is very much Not A Thing.

I genuinely do not understand how you’ve got this far into adulthood without understanding how gardens work. This is insane.

Not only are you unreasonable, but you are weird. We had neighbours like you who lived behind us and thankfully they moved.
Everyone enjoys their gardens around here and I honestly think, good for them!

I don’t think your comment was necessary - calling the op ‘weird’.

Try to keep it civil.

I’ve never heard of neighbours taking turns to use the garden. Usually neighbours just rub along and use the garden whenever without asking permission to have friends over. A loud late night party is different of course and it’s nice to prewarn but not compulsory. Plant up some shrubs in the garden to create privacy. Get to know them a little

This is so funny. You’re actually unhappy that your neighbours use their garden. I’d understand if they were in your garden, but no, you think they have audacity to use their own. Brilliant

They sound like harmless garden lovers. Put a higher fence up!

My neighbour sits at her step a lot which annoys me as you feel kinda forced to say hello every time you leave the house or come back in lol. It can be awkward especially when you are just jumping to the local shop then coming right back.

So I’m a massive homebody and I totally get you!! We can be unreasonable together because I am also very self-conscious and tense when I know my neighbors are out and about in their garden or even when we throw our own BBQ with family over, I’m very very mindful about being too noisy or being a bother in any way or anyone listening too closely to ‘kitchen table talk’ I might be having with hubs or family 😅 but I KNOW I’m being unreasonable and don’t expect any considerations on this 😂 I’m ok with retreating to my humble corner or curl up with a book and headphones if I want to enjoy my garden. Hubs and I have great non-verbal communication so when we go into convos or even bicker we make sure we ‘time-out’ and just go about our business or go inside 😅 it is what it is! If I had the funds I’d want perhaps a bigger garden where I could maybe be further away from a shared fence but hey-ho we are probably going to be here for another decade so we are stuck for now 😅 I think more homebirds/introverts out there might feel the way you do, as long as you have insight and don’t impose your views/opinions or will on anyone, you’re okay to feel whatever you feel, it will just suck if this is the case but nothing you hopefully can’t get over 😓

Best of luck!

If you don't know your neighbors and haven't made an attempt to be friendly, then you probably feel uncomfortable when you hear or see them.
It's not going to get any easier until you become more familiar with each other. Over time this will happen. Of course if you are pleasant it will speed things up.
We lived next door to an old lady for many years. We always had a natter and we got used to each other. New neighbors moved in and it felt strange. I do know how you feel. My advice is be friendly, and add a bit more privacy to your boundaries. You never know they might be feeling a bit self conscious too.

Op... whatbthe actually fuck... how was that neighbours from hell.. again using their own garden to have a BBQ god forbid... catch a grip honestly.. you should have removed rural with no house near you.

Before we were in our old house with the bad neighbours, we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time

Is this really a thing? It certainly wouldn’t be round here.