I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

I think they must of all either hated each other or where scared of each other.

I can’t imagine a single place where someone wouldn’t say out their washing out because Mavis was having a coffee with Sue.

You really should have looked at moving somewhere with no neighbours then to be honest. My new neighbour's ( who bought my deceased mums house a year ago )have just ripped out the whole garden slabbed it & made it into one big dog toilet for their 3 large dogs. !! I definitely want to move !!

What a ridiculous comment re the unspoken rule… You have the problem! It’s a glorious day, everyone wants to be out…why should they stop in and not enjoy the weather… We’re in a detached house and can hear the neighbours but to busy doing our own thing to take notice of what’s being said…

You said your neighbours are pally with other neighbours and that can make you feel ganged up on and left out. But on the contrary, you are homebirds and don’t want to be friends so you’re not speaking.

And the unwritten rule about not going out if someone is having their lunch is very much your own rule, written by yourself and in your head.

Pretty certain that “unspoken code” was all in your head OP. Never ever heard of such a thing. Because it’s idiotic - everyone can use their OWN garden any time they like.

😂😂😂

I'm mighty glad you didn't move in next door to me!

Ahh OP I actually do empathise. I had the exact same situation - of course I saw the waist-high fence when we bought but we didn’t have any choice, the property market in our town is hellish. My neighbour would never stop chatting the moment I stepped outside and we needed privacy desperately but we also didn’t want to look rude when we had just moved in! And it would make his fence useless for him. In the end we very cheerfully said we were putting up a new fence to ensure our dog wouldn’t escape and to grow some climbers - he did try and argue a bit about whether or not the dog could escape!… but then actually offered to just install a new fence. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. I can now quietly enjoy my garden. Once you get over the awkwardness of putting up a nice high fence you can show your neighbours you’re polite and nice people.

Putting up a taller fence is, of course, a solution, but it reeks of crazy, doesn't it? 😂😂😂

You are being ridiculous.

enjoy your garden just as your neighbours are doing.

of you want pierce and quiet with no one disturbing you then buy a house with no neighbours

You are being vvvvvvv unreasonable and odd

This is ridiculous.
we don’t consider moving because of the privacy our garden offers.
its up to you to make your area private not to think your neighbours should stay indoors.
you should have considered this before buying the house

Perhaps you could emigrate to the Antarctic or Gobi Desert where you could be as weirdly opinionated about your neighbours using their garden like normal people as you like because you won’t have any neighbours. I bet your previous neighbours were really pleased you moved. Strangest post I have read on here.

Sounds like you want the privacy of a more rural home. Unfortunately that’s not really the neighbours problem if you feel exposed using your space whilst they use theirs. I get it, we feel the same as we live in a built up area, but they aren’t doing anything wrong and if they wanted to be outside 24/7 there is nothing you can do.

We’ve just offered on a totally remote property because our new neighbours have nightmare dogs that don’t stop barking when she’s at work on night shifts and the husband is at the pub. We have a dog too but he’s honestly an angel and doesn’t bark even when they are going mad. We have a toddler so some nights are truly awful. That’s what I’d class as being something worth discussing with neighbours but we have chosen to just move away instead. I don’t have the energy for it.,

Newhomeandgarden
where I feel ganged up on because they’re all friends and don’t want anyone else in their patch.
and then
don’t mind being pleasant to them if we see them but I don’t really want to be friends with neighbours

You seem to contradict yourself, you’re not happy because they are all friends but you don’t want to become friends because one day someone may leave.

There is the quote ‘ it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.’

To be fair, a chest height fence is not very tall and gives no privacy. If my neighbours could see directly over my fence from ground level I’d want a taller fence.

🙄🙄🙄

It is unreasonable but it would bother me. We love it when our neighbours are away because can feel free in the garden. They don't have the same with us because we go out to work and our kids are older. I think you'll get used to it, make some private spots of the garden, we're overlooked but made some really nice quiet seating areas and move chairs around depending on who is about! Our current neighbours are terrible so I can relate

It sounds to me like you don't really want neighbours. Buy a house in the middle of nowhere then there will be anyone els next door to you. You sound a bit nuts OP.

You’ve clearly had a shit time with the last place but imagine how great it could be to have neighbours you get on with; if you going away there’s friendly eye to look out for your house you can swap keys incase you get locked out you can offer them surplus veg you may have grown and they might do the same it’s win win

put the fence up and talk to them first so it’s cool and swap numbers at the same time

Are your seating areas adjacent OP, as in sitting on either side of the same fence?

Totally get you if there's nowhere else suitable for sitting.

Nothing you can do though, unfortunately.

I suspect that you are the nightmare neighbour, sorry OP

Cannot be serious...surely?

You really really need to seek out therapy. What you are feeling and saying is really extreme.

Your anxiety is effecting your life and you need to speak to someone about it.