I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

Before we were in our old house with the bad neighbours, we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time.

What?! I think there's a lot going on in your head that just isn't there in real life.

Are you seriously suggesting there was an ‘unspoken code’ on your old street that whoever went into their garden first had a monopoly on garden use until they chose to go back inside?

So if you were preparing lunch, planning to eat outside, but you saw/heard a neighbour pip you to the post, you’d just stay inside?

That is deeply strange behaviour - and clearly entirely in your head.

You have turned a non-issue into an issue. It's going to eat you up. I'd recommend therapy to unpick this a little so that you can enjoy your outside space with obsessing about your neighbours legitimate and polite use of their space. Hope you find some peace.

This is the UK just wait a while and the weather will change and everyone but everyone will be tucked up indoors. Install 6 foot fencing around your garden and pop in some tall trees etc. You never know they could move out and someone with 6 kids could move in with a bouncy trampoline. Count your blessings they have not got a loud music gadget out there as well.

I’d love to hear what the ex neighbours had to say

If you post a photo of your garden (or even a diagram) and others can suggest how to make it more private without upsetting next door.

Try making friends with them. If you get on well with them it will diffuse any tension

So I assume there’s a tiny fence between you or you must be spying on them to know exactly what they are doing ie working yoga reading etc ? I actually thought this was a joke, it’s a garden people can use their gardens whenever they like and as long as it’s not interfering directly with you or being anti social you literally can’t do a thing

The best way to ensure good neighbourly relations is a solid fence/bush and clear boundaries, in all senses.

Polite good mornings etc., but that’s it. Never attempt to make friends, or respond to friendship attempts. It does not work, and will either cost you emotionally, or financially.

Trust me on this.

I have never heard of anywhere where you wouldn't use your garden if someone else was, that seems insane. I do however sympathise with you as I can imagine occasionally it would be nice to have total peace and isolation, but it sounds like you and your DH are always home too. That's probably the issue, you all need to get out more! YABU and if you want that you'd really need to move somewhere in the country where you had no neighbours.

I live in a semi but an old house with mature gardens/ trees. Can’t see neighbours. Get planting!

I can empathise OP but your neighbours are allowed to use their garden as much as they want. Some people need personal space, others are happy to live in each other's pockets. Low fences don't help.
Grow up a hedge of Portuguese Laurels, reasonably fast growing, will block some of the sound and create a pretty barrier between you and your neighbours to give you your personal space. Great for wildlife too, butterflies, bees, insects, birds etc love it as has small white flowers for the pollinators followed by berries for the birds.

You are being silly, and entitled, to think that your neighbours will take turns at going outside!
Create a garden that you are happy being in at the same time as both your neighbours are also out using their gardens.

Enjoy joining the local gardeneing club. Learn which non invasive plants are best to grow tall along a fence to make a pleasant leafy and floral barrier of privacy. Each district will have different plants that flourish.
Get advice for screening plants from your local nursery too.

Non invasive, clumping bamboo, like Gracilis.
Cematis - Etoile Violette, Amandii, Pixie, Apple Blossom.
Climbing Roses - Phyllis Bide, Claire Austin,The Pilgrim.
Click together tubs to create a vertical garden wall of herbs.
Others..
Pitttosporums, English Ivy, Creeping Fig, Camelias, grape vines, hops on tall poles, Passion Flower, Virginia Creeper, Jasimine, Black Eyes Susan, Wisteria, Honeysuckle.
A roll up movie screen for outdoor films.

Take advice from local gardeners.

Weird. Get a fence up. What do you expect them to do - ask your permission to use their garden.

Are you actually serious?

I really don't think there is any kind of unspoken code that you don't use your garden at the same time as other people. It sounds like you've had tricky past experiences and are also perhaps quite an anxious / self conscious person, and that's making this feel like a big deal. Practice and it will get easier; spend time outside when they are so that you get used to it. A trellis and some fast growing plants will give you privacy. If they do think you're snobby for that do you really mind? You don't want to be pals with them so it doesn't really matter if they privately feel you've been a bit reserved. It's very unlikely to cause a fallout as long as it's only 5ft and is planted nicely.

I thought this post was going to be about the cardinal sins of hot tub, ball bouncing on fence, trampoline or incessant barking but it's yoga, reading and working on a laptop? Look after these neighbours, they sound perfect!
More practically, someone I know wanted to divide part of their garden quickly with screening and they bought tall vertical free standing trellis things (a bit sturdier) which they planted a hedge of tall evergreen hedging plants to and after day they had a 5ft green hedge with a plus for the birds.

"we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time."

This is not a thing - nowhere is there an unspoken code - this is not like a cultural understanding - it was in your head OP.
A detached house isn't going to solve your problem either - we have lived in a detached house and we can still hear the neighbours when they are out in their garden.

Many people don't like having neighbours, I think for true happiness, you need to move house.

Definitely not a thing in UK.

I lived in a terrace house, so small gardens and very close, low wall between - you sort of develop a way to exist in your own space and block them out. I would never expect someone not to use their garden if I was in mine, garden space is precious! Also I was very grateful for it during COVID when I could talk to my neighbours at a safe distance, prevented the isolation

There is no unspoken code. People have busy lives and do what they need to do, when they need or want to do it. Having neighbours doesn't sound like it's for you, perhaps go for something a bit more secluded next time. In the meantime, plant some fast growing trees and shrubs.

Before we were in our old house with the bad neighbours, we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time

Rather that it being an unspoken rule it's more likely that you and your previous neighbours were socially anxious and awkward and wanted to avoid each other. Or they didn’t like you so wanted to avoid you. And that’s fine either way, sounds like you and your other neighbours were well matched!

But you need to understand it’s not a reasonable expectation going forward. This isn’t how everyone or even most people operate.

We planted some evergreen plants - jasmine and californian lilac, added a covered area with squashy sofas and then added a water feature - that's the best bit as the sound of the water detracts from being overheard. You can also find a 'water' soundtrack on Spotify which again drowns out background noise. Good luck - the last thing you want is to fall out with your neighbours

Please don't in your 'friendly chat' discuss your idea of garden turns.... its as pp say totally batshit!!
Maybe you could get an old WW2 pill box for your garden @Newhomeandgarden reduce sound and visibility?

OP, with respect you sound a bit unusual. I can't believe you've lived there 3 months and haven't popped over to say hello? No need to be their friends, but you should really know who your neighbours are!
Also, there is definitely no rule that neighbours take it in turn to use gardens?!
Your neighbours seem like nice folk, just say hello, break the ice and casually mention that you plan to add privacy screening. Totally acceptable and reasonable to not want to see neighbours when sitting in your garden.