I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

Yabu. Your new neighbours sound unobtrusive and lovely.

intrigued with the set up with old old neighbours when no one went out at the same time? on the hottest day of the year was there a rota of staggered times. You can go out between 8-10 and we will go out from 10-12. What about getting the washing in when it started to rain? Someone has soggier clotheing than the other.

Doing their thing, which is exactly what OP wants to do

I can't get my head around why OP has an issue with the neighbours using their garden, when they themselves want to use their garden?!

The thing that jumped out at me from your posts OP is this:

They seem fine for now but you know you get an impression of whether somebody is your sort of person or not and I don’t think their mine.

So yes, you do sound judgy and snobby. You don't want your neighbours to use their garden as they like, you don't want them to get on with their neighbours as you think they're ganging up on you and by your own admission, you say you didn't get off to the best start.

Actually, you sound like the nightmare neighbours to be honest.

I do think YABU and sound somewhat entitled. I am not hugely sociable and don’t particularly like being around people myself but I wouldn’t think my neighbours were annoying just for wanting to use their garden as they see fit.
We have a huge garden and are always out in ours most days as it requires a lot of maintenance plus we want to enjoy the space we’ve created. The gardens are sloping and the open wire fences aren’t particularly high so you can see a lot in neighbouring gardens but we’ve planted and will plant additional hedging and screening as time goes on. When we moved in our garden was very neglected and overgrown and our NDN who doesn’t like living around people and has been a nightmare and a bully tried it on with us - she bossed us around and tried to dictate what we did and didn’t do in our home and garden and complained about everything including stuff we did in our garden and plants we removed. She would passive aggressively cough and huff and puff on the rare occasions we had a BBQ on our patio and in the end we gave her short shrift and ignored her so she wouldn’t try it on now.
If either of our NDNs weren’t happy about us being in our garden as they like their privacy we’d laugh in their faces and tell them they could pay to put a fence up on their side of the boundary!

My Nan lived in a council house with low fences on either side. They weren't really fences either it was just like a wire fence so you could completely see each side of the neighbours gardens. As a child I never liked going out in the garden when the neighbours were out as I felt self conscious. So I can see where your coming from with that, and I wouldn't like being watched in my garden today as an adult. So it's completely reasonable to put up your own 6 foot fence so your garden is private. No one will care. If they think your snobby or weird, who cares! It's your garden, your property and your life. You say your not bothered about being friends with them so it's no issue.
It's completely unreasonable to suggest this is your neighbours fault or that there is some sort of unwritten rule that you don't go out if your neighbours are in their garden though.

I'd love to know what you consider nightmare neighbours if you're calling this 'the same situation.'
You'd think you'd be counting your blessings to have neighbours that are always outside yet never make a sound! That was their home long before you came along. If you don't want neighbours you shouldn't have bought a home next to someone. I hate neighbours so I moved to the arse hole of nowhere.

I'd say this goes way beyond unreasonable. What you're describing here is downright selfish and neurotic behaviour on your part.

I'm not an expert on mental health, but would it hurt to speak to a professional about this?

The only way to avoid this is to live rurally, with no neighbours. You could put up higher fencing, bushes, trees etc. It could be so much worse....noisy BBQs, burning rubbish, loud arguments... smoking right next to boundaries...

Rage bait

Move to the country side and have your own estate. You need to go to a forest cabin and be hermits and leave society alone. You sound like the nightmare neighbour! Oh my........

I’ve never heard of anyone having this unspoken rule of if your neighbours are in their garden you cannot use yours. How would you ever get anything done or enjoy your own meal.

What if you had a bbq planned but Doris next door then had her mum round.

Sorry children you cannot use your pool just look at it from the window. Mandy is in her garden with a book.

Well obviously YwouldBU to expect them to stay in. But you don’t, that’s not your AIBU!

You’re just sad about the lack of privacy, and I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel that way at all!

I have the same situation. In my case it’s due to the lie of the land, being on a hill. I bought the house in full knowledge the garden wasn’t very private, but it was a compromise I needed to swallow.

It doesn’t stop me feeling a bit uncomfortable outside and sad that I can’t relax in my garden without essentially sharing the space with my neighbours. It sucks and YANBU to feel that way.

It’s their garden? 🤣 you’re allowed to do whatever in yours too?

I don’t see what the issue is lmao 🤣

We’re outside all the time in the summer. So are some of our neighbours (we’re in an odd spot before the corner that means we have 7 properties bordering our very long garden). We’re also friendly with all neighbours, if not exactly friends, and we’ll have a natter through the hedges sometimes. The trick is to have hedges or fences high enough that you don’t feel overlooked, and just be friendly. Honestly, knowing my neighbours and being friendly with them is one of those things that gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling every time I think about it. Your neighbours sound like friendly, relaxed people. Make the most of it!

Grow a pair! Why are you so special that they might be listening in on your conversations? They’re probably not in the slightest bit interested and just getting on with their lives.

Reading and using the laptop in her own garden? My gosh that must be so noisy 🤣. My neighbour's kids kick a football against my fence from early morning till late at night on a weekend in the summer!

It sucks and YANBU to feel that way.

Of course she is. For the love of God don’t encourage her in her batshittery.

It's an odd post. People using and enjoying their garden and not being anti social??
If neighbour make you anxious you probably should have moved to a house with a more secluded garden imo. Either fence or move

@Newhomeandgarden this is so outside the realms of normal.

It's not "being up in your business" for your neighbours to use their PRIVATE garden at the same time you are.

You really need to get over this, and not by moving house, having a word or anything else.

Oh dear. At your previous address are you sure you weren't the nightmare neighbours???!!

Wow! Don’t you make your life really difficult? Invite them round for a drink in your garden or home, get to know them. Seriously (and gently) consider some therapy about your anxieties - you can’t live your like like this.

Before we were in our old house with the bad neighbours, we lived places where it seemed there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time.

I've lived on 3 different continents, and in the North, south, and West country of the UK, and I have never observed this "unspoken code." Including in Germany, where there ARE actually laws/regulations about what you can do in your garden at particular times & days of the week (mostly about Sunday observances).

You are making stuff up to justify the fact that you don't like your neighbours and you don't want to acknowledge their presence.

You have only just moved there - don't turn into the neighbour from hell. You've still got time not to be that person.

I have a nice little garden and the next door guys have a way bigger one, their kids' trampoline is literally right by our fence, which is pretty low (5ft ish, we bought it as there was just a crappy net type affair before), it could easily be a little further back. I don't mind kids playing at all, Im not a monster, but all 4 of them scream the place down constantly whacking each other, howling and throwing balls over, like 10 footballs, one nearly hit me on the head the other day. So yeh, there's that. It doesn't stop me going out there chilling in my hammock. A woman doing yoga and a guy working in peace sounds fab, I cant really understand why they bother you when you consider it could be tonnes of worse activities.

FGS OP. PUt up a 2m high fence INSIDE the fence line (ie on your property).

that way you control the height of the fence, the materials it’s made from and the look of it. I am always shocked when British people just accept whatever crap low fence is in the property when they purchased it. You don’t have to!

sort out your fencing, sort out your privacy, enjoy your garden, it’s pretty simple.

Gardens are for using, get I high fence plant a hedge in front of it , and some super tall grasses that move in the breeze,
then add a very splashy water feature,
also make a seating area in a different part of your garden, then use it have bbqs live in it
it’s your space.