I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

I think you should suggest a rota OP ... draw something up and pop it in their letterbox suggesting certain days/times each of you can use your own garden. Let us know how it goes down.

Being friends with someone they knew before you moved in is not ganging up on you. You are making an assumption that they don’t want anyone on their patch. They have done nothing to show that. Say hello, get to know them and maybe you can all be friends. You are the only one that can do something about this. They are using their garden in the normal way. If they hadn’t maintained the gate/fence you would probably moan that it was shabby. They couldn’t ask you as you didn’t live there.

Clearly OP’s problem.
the only way to ensure no neighbour noise or presence is to move to a remote place with no neighbours.
The neighbours are enjoying their garden. They are perfectly entitled to do it and be in their garden as much as they like. And entitled to be friends with neighbours or not as they choose.

OP has a warped sense of acceptable behaviour and her own space. Yes, to folly to buy this house with neighbours and a low fence, if you dislike both these and are immediately on look-out for neighbours ‘being annoying’ by using their garden or the communal path.

I imagine Op with a disapproving face glancing out of her window at neighbours in garden (seen by them) and shaking her head or looking disapprovingly at the shared pathway, where neighbours had painted the fence BEFORE OP EVEN LIVED THERE and neighbours briefly wondering why the new neighbours seem so odd and unfriendly. But fortunately, seeing as they seem pretty normal, they, unlike Op won’t be dwelling on it…but simply getting in with their own lives and maintaining perspective.

Troubles is, this Op would have a problem with any neighbour ..b cause they don’t like close proximity living, but presumably can’t afford to live remotely. Therefore they need to recognise every neighbour can enjoy their space as they choose. Late night, regular noise or illegal activity isn’t acceptable, but otherwise you have to put up with neighbours and accept it’s not all about you.

Entitled. Nothing more to add.

Seriously OP. Get a grip.

May go out while you're there and start chit chatting. You never know, you might all get on like a house on fire!

If not, then yes, trellis or tall plants needed.

It is fairly normal for people to enjoy their garden this time of year.

Don't have private conversation in the garden or use a low voice.

Put a fence on your side, job done.

Just put your own fence up inside your own boundary or plant a hedge and tell them that you're going to do it because you would like some more privacy. I get on with our neighbours fine but I still wouldn't want a chest height fence between us.

Why did you get off to a bad start with them if you haven't actually introduced yourself? We're not super pally with ours but still went round and knocked shortly after moving in to say hello and introduce ourselves. Are you feeling awkward around them because you haven't actually said hello and introduced yourself to them?

I'm sorry, but this seems like a "you" issue. You can't expect your garden to be a space where you have private conversations and never hear others. They're not doing anything to hurt you, you need to learn to relax with others around (or buy a house in the middle of nowhere).

My next door neighbour is often out in the garden. Apart from one very loud visitor she has, I barely register it. I wouldn't have a private conversation when she's out, but it doesn't stop me enjoying the garden, in a way there is a nice communal feeling of knowing we're all outside enjoying the sun.

Sounds like you've got ptsd from having noisy neighbours and I understand as I have it myself hence why we moved to a detached away from our hometown (only way we could afford it) as the anxiety took over and my mental health was destroyed.
My old neighbours were dealing drugs, had parties with djs, my walls would shake so I couldnt face it again after years of hell.

Your neighbours sound like a god send tbh they sound respectful and just doing normal things in their garden, you need to reframe and picture why you left your last house and compare it. Hopefully you will realise how lucky you are that's it's only privacy that you have to worry about and by getting a higher fence or climbing plants etc that problem will go away as you can't see them.

The problem with anxiety you worry about things that might happen and I get it but honestly it sounds like you've struck lucky this time. Try and enjoy your peaceful home and even look on here at problem neighbour threads it'll probably put you even more at ease.

I voted YANBU. Privacy in my garden is really important to me too. Lovely as my neighbours are, I don't wan't them being able to see me in my own garden, likewise I don't don't want to see them either.
You can fix this.
You don't need trellis. We have a 2 foot low fence between us and our neighbours but you wouldn't know it because you can't see it. The conifer in the photo is on the other side of the fence in neighbours garden. It's practically the only living thing they have in their garden. Our garden is tiny - you don't need acres of land to create an oasis.

Editing to add that trees and shrubs are a good sound barrier too.

Love your garden! I need more trees etc In mine it's too bare, I want a jungle 😂

They’re enjoying it because they have the space all to themselves atm. I think if you thicken your skin and sort of spend a few regular hours in the garden consistently, they might retreat during those hours. Stake your claim too!

@Newhomeandgarden If it's their boundary you can't change it. However, there's nothing to stop you erecting a fence your side of the boundary in your back garden (i.e. on your land) up to 2m (6.5ft) high without planning permission (the limit for front gardens is 1m high). This may at least give you the sense of privacy you need and there's nothing they can do about it so long as you don't exceed the height limit.
Aside from that YABVVVU about them using their garden in exactly the same way you wish to use yours!

You are the issue here nobody else. You need to move to a isolated spot.

You can also put up a fence. It's just means you will loose a tiny bit of your garden as it will be past the boundary line into your actual land. If you feel this uncomfortable then putting up a higher fence is your way of handling this. Not expecting people to not use their garden.

Them painting the shared access is them maintaining it. Perhaps the previous owners didn't maintain it? Am sure they will be happy to skip painting it this year and for you to do it instead.

Maintainence of shared access spaces can be a huge pita. Probably wasn't the best idea when your recovering from a unpleasant neighbour experience.

Best thing is to take control with putting up your own fence. Inform neighbours you are happy to join in maintaining of the shared access point and to be included in decisions regarding its decor.

I was thinking the same thing.

I'd prefer this than my neighbour who never use their garden so it's so overgrown it's actually taller than my wall.
And my other neighbour who never uses it except to burn rubbish in the middle of the day or to let their dog out who just barks at us none stop.

You should have bought a house without neighbours then.

Put up a 6ft fence in your garden on your side of the boundary? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Not much else you can do other than move somewhere else with absolutely zero neighbours.

I agree that the best thing would be to get to know them. Have a chat when you see them in passing when you’re both leaving your houses etc.

Then you can more easily discuss with them that you are going to put a trellis up/ higher fence inside your boundary. They too might prefer that!

I don’t think you’d like where we live OP - we’re in a terrace and it’s taken for granted people will hear what you say outside!

Add some of those portable fence screens up against their fence and a load of plants and just block them off. Job done.

There are a few lines of a Donne poem op- misquoting probably but: the mind is its own place. It makes of heaven a hell, and of hell a heaven.

you have power over your emotions here. Go out to your garden. Take a book and a coffee. Stay there for minimum 45 mins and drink it and read. Focus on the book. Then look around the garden and plan your weeding and planting. Be present. Don’t let your mind be so invaded by the idea that there are many other people in the world and some live next door. This is your garden. I would plant a hedge personally, but don’t lose sight of the fact you do get to decide on how you will approach many many things in life, and choose to enjoy them or be made miserable.

1- the fence might theirs but nothing is stopping you to put another on your own side. Or down plants/put a treille etc…

2- you’re making yourself ill over what could POTENTIALLY happen. There lies the road to madness. I get you’re worried from your last experience but do they really look like people who’ll have parties until 2.00am every weekend? I mean so far, thetes been no music etc, right? Not even a BBQ despite the nice weather?

3- you’re can’t stop people enjoying their gardens. You like sitting there. They do too. Increase your privacy (see point 1-). Don’t talk about private matters outside. And enjoy your garden.

Devastated?? What would you be like if you had a real problem? Why were the previous neighbours a nightmare, did they perhaps use their garage to store a car? Or have occasional deliveries of post? Get a grip!!