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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

625 replies

Newhomeandgarden · 14/05/2025 17:57

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Octopusespunchforfun · 14/05/2025 22:35

Other people are allowed to exist you know.

Unless they’re blasting music or being a nuisance then yes YABVVVU

CalleOcho · 14/05/2025 22:38

Oh ffs.

You don’t want your neighbours being in their own garden but you want to be in yours?

Jesus wept. People are such freaks.

Higher fence, trellis, hedge or move to a property in the middle of nowhere.

DontReplyIWillLie · 14/05/2025 22:44

Another one post wonder - what a surprise 🙄 It’s like they don’t even try anymore.

DreamTheMoors · 14/05/2025 22:47

Please just listen to the kind and reasonable people OP and put in a high hedge.
And they probably aren’t listening anyhow.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 14/05/2025 22:50

I’m not sure that it’s your neighbours who are the nightmares

Bumcake · 14/05/2025 23:31

I’d love to know what crimes the previous nightmare neighbours committed. Did they use their own front door perhaps?

GreyRockChick · 14/05/2025 23:34

There's a good chance you might actually be the nightmare neighbours here. Of course you are being unreasonable

Original poster
Newhomeandgarden · 14/05/2025 23:48

I did say in my post that I thought I was probably being unreasonable and I should be grateful they aren’t noisy - so far. FYI our previous neighbours were constantly outside having people around for barbecues and drinking and that’s probably what’s putting me on edge with summer coming and thinking they’ll be the same. The new neighbours are clearly very pally with the neighbours on the other side of them, they go over to each other’s a lot and I think I’m just sensitive at finding myself in another situation where I feel ganged up on because they’re all friends and don’t want anyone else in their patch.

It’s a low fence, only about chest height, and it’s their fence so we can’t do much about it. But I’ll look at things like a trellis. We probably didn’t get off to the best start when we moved in, I didn’t mention that there’s stuff like we share a front path that leads into a shared side return and it just feels like they’ve claimed it as their own with stuff like painting the front gate and putting up lights.

I just wanted things to be normal and peaceful after feeling on edge all the time.

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 15/05/2025 00:08

Newhomeandgarden · 14/05/2025 23:48

I did say in my post that I thought I was probably being unreasonable and I should be grateful they aren’t noisy - so far. FYI our previous neighbours were constantly outside having people around for barbecues and drinking and that’s probably what’s putting me on edge with summer coming and thinking they’ll be the same. The new neighbours are clearly very pally with the neighbours on the other side of them, they go over to each other’s a lot and I think I’m just sensitive at finding myself in another situation where I feel ganged up on because they’re all friends and don’t want anyone else in their patch.

It’s a low fence, only about chest height, and it’s their fence so we can’t do much about it. But I’ll look at things like a trellis. We probably didn’t get off to the best start when we moved in, I didn’t mention that there’s stuff like we share a front path that leads into a shared side return and it just feels like they’ve claimed it as their own with stuff like painting the front gate and putting up lights.

I just wanted things to be normal and peaceful after feeling on edge all the time.

Edited

"Claimed it as their own" aka "maintained it and made it look nice, before you arrived"?

I think you're looking for things to be upset about. Adults being friends with other adults are not "ganging up on you" just because you happen to live between them. Have you entertained the thought you might become friends too? Sounds like a nice set up!

Agree re trellis though, get some fast growing clematis and therapy

Silvers11 · 15/05/2025 00:13

@Newhomeandgarden Are you sure it is their fence and not a shared one?. If necessary you can put your own fence up inside theirs on your ground - but that might be seen as being unfriendly and cause you problems.

Neighbours being friends with other neighbours are not 'ganging up on you' . People are allowed to be friends with each other - and, who knows, they might become your friends too.

But have you already fallen out with them? You said We probably didn’t get off to the best start when we moved in. I sincerely hope that you didn't?

KrisAkabusi · 15/05/2025 00:17

they don't want anyone else on their patch

You have provided zero evidence that they think this. With this, your talk about being ganged up on, and "claiming things as their own", you're either big into jumping to conclusions, or you were the nightmare neighbour before this move, and history is going to repeat itself

Cherrysherbet · 15/05/2025 00:25

I’m feeling really sorry for your neighbours op.

Just put some tall plants there……and grow up!!

GravyBoatWars · 15/05/2025 00:28

So we have yoga, reading and laptop work on their own patio, getting along with their neighbors on the other side of them, and maintaining a shared gate and lighting a shared pathway?

Have you had actual interactions with these neighbours yet? What were those like?

This is a lot of angst that seems to be being generated entirely from your own mind right now. Irrational anxiety thoughts can be powerful but nothing good comes from treating them as real external threats.

CalleOcho · 15/05/2025 00:33

I’m just sensitive at finding myself in another situation where I feel ganged up on because they’re all friends and don’t want anyone else in their patch.

I’m sorry OP but you’re being even more ridiculous.

You need to work on your self esteem and self worth. Please stop taking things so seriously and personally.

Your neighbours being friends with their other neighbours (who have both probably lived in their homes for years) isn’t “ganging up”.

It sounds like you’ve made immediate judgements about these people without getting to know them first.

You say they “don’t want anyone else on their patch” but YOU don’t want people to enjoy their OWN gardens.

Honestly, please seek some professional help.

steff13 · 15/05/2025 00:39

What was the problem with the previous neighbors having people over and barbecuing?

Unless you buy rurally or a cabin in the woods Ted Kaczynski-style, you're going to have to put up with neighbors. Did the previous owners indicate there was any issue with the neighbors?

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/05/2025 00:40

If this was so important to you why buy a house with such a low fence and assume the neighbours won't be out in it? However, the issue is easily solved as suggested by a PP: talk to the neighbours about putting a new fence in to give you the height you need for growing your favourite climbers and if they don't want to change their fence then on your own land put up the fence you want. Tall fence or no, conversations will be overheard regardless so if you're worried about it, keep sensitive chat to indoors.

wandawaves · 15/05/2025 00:42

What rotten luck you've had OP... your old neighbours having friendly barbecues, and now your new neighbours sitting using their laptops, reading, and doing yoga.
How do you cope with these neighbours from hell??

I'd suggest you move again, ASAP. Surely you can't possibly get much worse neighbours than these.

Rachie1973 · 15/05/2025 01:11

Kindly, you’re nuts.

I virtually live in my garden as soon as it’s warm enough, have even slept in it when too hot in bed.

Original poster
Newhomeandgarden · 15/05/2025 01:13

I just wouldn’t do anything to something I knew was shared without checking with the other owners first. Our old neighbours really were bad and not friendly, all summer in the garden drinking and shouting until 1 or 2 am several nights a week so we couldn’t have our bedroom windows open when it was warm. The deeds say that side is their boundary so I believe that makes it their fence. We haven’t really spoken, well DP has spoken to the husband briefly when they were both out the front one day, but it was just chit chat.

OP posts:
TennesseeStella · 15/05/2025 01:26

I get you, OP. I feel self-conscious going out in my garden when the neighbours are in theirs. But that's because I live alone and they're a couple so when they're out there they're usually chatting or whatever and I feel like I'm eavesdropping. I am 100% aware that this is a me problem and they likely don't give a shit if I hear them. Sometimes I wear headphones and listen to music while I'm out there which does help because I can just get on with whatever I'm out there to do and not worry about who else is around.

Givesoner · 15/05/2025 01:43

Put your own fence up in front of theirs. Surely they can’t be happy with a low fence either, though?

Speak to them and ask. ‘Hi neighbour, DH and I are going to be putting up a higher fence because we’re thinking of getting a dog/cat* and wanted to let you know because we know it will impact your view’.

It’s then up to them whether they want to use a trellis or buy their own similar sized fence.

*Lying about pet is optional.

oviraptor21 · 15/05/2025 02:17

Rosa · 14/05/2025 18:00

Put a hedge or a fence up ? put some music on low when you are out in the garden and you want to chat?- They obvioulsy love the outdoors and I doubt they would think the same if you decided to sit outside all day either !

Please don't put music on unless you want to be the antisocial neighbours.

TwinklyNight · 15/05/2025 02:31

The obvious solution is to put a tall fence up. We did so during the second summer we lived here. You'll feel more comfortable if you have privacy.

AliCatWalk · 15/05/2025 02:55

@Newhomeandgarden Going against the grain here, I think it sounds like you acknowledge you're "BU" but are just a bit frustrated and let down, and honestly I don't think that's too unreasonable. I get how it could be disappointing to appear to never have the possibility of moments where you can enjoy your garden in complete solace without the distracting awareness of other people so close by, especially if you have some level of social anxiety/hyperawareness.

PPs suggestions for increasing privacy with a higher fence or plants sound like smart options 🙂Hope you're enjoying your new home otherwise!

BadLad · 15/05/2025 03:41

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 19:30

Have you considered shooting them?

Where does the OP say she's American?