Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

You are overthinking it.

Its not that deep.

she is probably super busy and reminding you is another thing to add to the list when quite rightly it’s simple just to set a reminder yourself.

Her message seems kind and friendly.

OP - you've asked the question. We largely think YABU. Stop digging.

Where is there a lack of trust by the therapist? If anything she’s trusting the OP more, by saying “pay me when you can”.

i hope you listen to your clients a bit closer and hear what they’re actually saying.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a therapist asking this of you, more so as payment is expected on the day/immediately after the session. It is not her job to remind you to pay her. Personally, had I been in your situation, I either would have taken out cash from the bank counter (something you can do without a working card) or else postponed the session until I had funds to pay for it.

I suggest that you use a session with your therapist to discuss this! If you do, you will realise how entitled your behaviour is.

The voice of reason! As I imagine therapists generally are.

And begs the question, how many reminders does @ThePerkyCoralPoet expect?
First request on Monday - OP's Bank not working, please send reminder to pay later
Tuesday - therapist sends reminder, Bank still not working, send reminder
Wednesday - therapist sends reminder, Bank still not working, send reminder... ad infinitum

You've put the mental load on her for something that is your responsibility to manage. She's already done her part in reminding you the first time. She shouldn't have to chase you. Can't you see that you're giving her a responsibility she doesn't want? You're the one that will know when you can make payment.

Honestly you need nerves of steel to post any threads on this site
its like a public flogging when you're just airing your thoughts
aren't we here to support each other???

Well… no, not solely. The AIBU is, as the name suggests, for posters to ask if they’re being unreasonable and for responders to give their opinion. The majority of responders think the OP is being unreasonable.

No. AIBU is to seek peer review of your behaviour or decisions. It's not a hug box.

If you want #bekind, AIBU isn't it.

Is this what you thought public floggings were like?!?

OP asked a question, PPs gave their opinions and then OP started saying everyone was wrong.

That's not a public flogging, that's OP being unable to accept the answers she asked for.

If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

"Very dramatic response"

Said by the person refusing to set a reminder for themselves, instead getting offended and starting a whole defensive thread about how they're right. Aye sure.

It's "Am I being unreasonable?", it's not "I'm 100% right".

There's an expectation that you'll air your thoughts and reflect on comments, otherwise if you're just stubbornly insisting you're right why did you even bother posting? It's a waste of everyone's time.

Why can’t you remember to pay your bills? This is something you should be responsible for. Nobody else should need to remind you. If you can’t remember to pay your bills, you should set yourself a reminder in your calendar like she suggested.

You definitely need to take this anger you feel to therapy.

If OP was "just airing her thoughts" she'd acknowledge that actually the tone of the message was fine (the question asked) and she is BU. Instead OP has doubled down and made even more ridiculous comments!

But she did remind you, expecting her to chase the payment is highly unreasonable.

On the upside I don’t think you’ll need reminding

Of course it’s not up to her to send you a reminder.

There are different payment methods for different types of businesses and preferences.

It’s down to you to acknowledge that, and not expect it to be your way, just because that’s what they do in your particular industry.

Yes, I do something similar...
I will immediately reply with 'Don't forget to go to the bank tomorrow'

(Not always..!).

“I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue.”

What you need to understand is not everybody lives their lives or runs their businesses the same as you.

You remind me of my cluster B relative who can’t/refuses to understand why people don’t live the exact same life as her. She’s extremely entitled and expects everyone’s help with everything.

Use this experience as a positive and set a reminder for yourself.

YABVU. It is up to you to set your own reminders. I run a business and I give clients one reminder what is due and when and that is it.

People need to take responsibility for themselves and realise that they are one of 150 clients and I don't have time to chase them all.

You asked if YABU and 98% have said that you are...

I've posted on AIBU and like OP, got 98% yes, YABU.

What I then did, was have some self reflection and tried to get to the bottom of what was clouding my judgement.

Even if you're still in the fog of it, it's more sensible to take a step back and revaluate, even sleep on it.

Going on the attack and disagreeing with literally everyone else doesn't show OP in a good light.

The therapist knows OP well, so would imagine the message was well thought out and possibly meant to help OP long term.

FML. 😂

Yes, you're being VVVVV unreasonable. Bloody good on Sandra for pushing back in a respectful manner. I bet she was cursing good and proper when she got your message.