Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

What’s the point of this post when everyone is basically telling you the message is fine and you should remember to pay her not the other way round and you just don’t bother listening? Hate posts like this where the op just thinks one way despite everyone else saying different. Do what you want op

Why should she have to remember when you don’t? If it’s not big deal for her to remember to remind you, it’s no big deal for you to remember to pay. It’s the same thing.

There was an automatic email reminder. He wanted a personal text!

She’s not you and she runs her business a bit differently. Also you are surely capable of remembering by yourself . Something to discuss at the next session.

Her tone is very direct. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s unnecessarily difficult.

Her point is correct. It’s up to you to remember to pay.

Kindly, I also think it was unnecessarily difficult of you to ask for a reminder (favour 2) when you were already asking if she could be so kind as to let you off the deposit when you booked (favour 1).

It also depends on whether a feature of your therapy is how you could take more responsibility. She could have been a little more assertive with you to encourage you to deal with things rather than relying on others.

However, IMHO her message could’ve been better, given you’re a regular and (presumably) reliable client: ‘How are you? Sounds stressful. Happy to let you book without the deposit, though it will still be payable if you cancel. I don’t send out routine reminders. It’s fine to pay as soon as you can. Have a good afternoon’.

Yes you are misreading the tone @ThePerkyCoralPoet , and 98% of people think you are. Why can't you accept you're wrong?

@ThePerkyCoralPoet you asked if you’ve misread the tone of the message. 98% of responders have said you’re being unreasonable in your reading. You’re adamant you weren’t. What do you want from this thread if you’re so convinced you’re right - against the vast majority of people here?

I’ll forget can you just ask again later

This is pathetic. Take responsibility for setting your own reminders. It's not hard.

Jinx @midlifeattheoasis 🤣

Why are you so averse to taking responsibility?

Why post in AIBU if you're not willing to accept when literally everyone tells you you've been unreasonable?

Your response is indeed over dramatic.
Again, why should she be expected to remember to remind you again, if you can’t be expected to remember to pay? You’re the one who wants the service.

It’s one of those threads - AIBU? Overwhelming vote yes

OP - no Im not this is a pile on

The OP didn’t start the thread for opinions she started it for validation.

Literally just set your own reminder 🥴. You're being weird.

Agree. In fact, l think this is something OP should consider talking through with a therapist...

It's interesting that many people have told you YABU and need to take the responsibility for paying, and yet you're still arguing it. I suspect a pp was right and this is something she sees in her therapy and therefore is sticking to her boundaries.

Genuine question, what do you find so difficult about setting a reminder on your phone? You could have done it in far less time than it took to write this post.

Our window cleaner has just been doing our windows. This thread reminded me of the one time I forgot to pay him after and a couple of weeks later he reminded me. I was mortified to have forgotten and paid immediately. It's his job to clean my windows, not chase payment.

Do you feel that now you've started a thread about this, you have to defend your stance that it's your therapist's responsibility to remind you about payments you need to make? Quite clearly the vast majority of people think you're unreasonable to feel that she should be in part responsible for your admin.

I don't understand otherwise how a supposedly rational, businesslike person who runs their own business simply doesn't comprehend that this is YOUR admin and therefore YOUR responsibility. It's as simple as that. It doesn't matter if your business model allows for people to be slow to pay you and need chasing to pay their bills, that's not how your therapist runs her business.

If you feel certain that you will forget to pay promptly (do you have difficulties remembering admin or banking issues generally?) then it is expedient that YOU set up strategies like phone alarms/reminders to help you. It is not incumbent on any other party to do it for you, you're an adult taking responsibility for yourself!

I think the message is reasonable, setting a clear boundary and being as friendly as you can be in a client/therapist relationship. I think this would be a useful thing to take to your therapist to discuss your response and how you feel about it. Is this response something you would feel in other areas of your life? Why do you feel that you have to remind your clients to pay? Why not set a boundary at the very beginning - no pay no tutoring?

There is trust there. The therapist is trusting her to make the payment and to remember to do it like all grown adults have to.

The therapist isn't saying "set the reminder because I don't trust you to remember". She's responding to an adult saying "tell me to do something because I'll forget and CBA to manage myself" by saying "please manage yourself".

not difficult at all - she also runs a business, why should the onus be on her to remind you to pay her?

The very first sentence of your very first post was "Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it."

How have you gone from "I don't mess with anyone's money" to, literally five minutes later, "the chances of me remembering are slim to none"?

Her tone is patient and kind, and an excellent example of how to set a boundary. Sorry OP, but you've really got this one wrong.

It's your responsibility to pay your bills.