Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

Everyone disagrees with you.

The fact is you seem unable to take on board a 98% vote against you of nearly 1500 strangers of all ages and stages of life. These people don’t know you so they have no
reason to be contrarian or take the therapist’s side against you but for the fact that you are wrong.

Perhaps this is something you need to unpack at therapy.

Nope. Your bill, your problem with the bank account and your responsibility to sort payment.

These sorts of threads always make me laugh: OP “isn’t this outrageous!” Everyone: “no, YABU”. OP “no I’m not <flounces out >😂

You do realise the subtext to your last line is "The truth is that I place so little value on your services that I can't be assed to remember to pay you for them. If you want your money you'll have to ask for it - again"? Extraordinarily rude. Even if it can be explained by your total self absorption, it can't be excused. I think my response might have been "Ok then, please come back and make an appointment when your financial situation is sorted out. In the meantime, I'll make this session available to someone else" and not been too unhappy if you had a hissy fit and terminated the contract.

She’s probably just busy and doesn’t need another thing on her list.

Yet another thread where the poster asks if they are being unreasonable, and the vast majority of replies tells them that they are. Still they disagree……

Why pose the question if you are only interested in responses that are in agreement?

I think chasing payment is different to asking for a reminder. If you dont pay i expect you will get a reminder, asking for one on advance is not fair it is like saying in advance you won't bother to remember (despite being late with deposit) and giving the other person the job to do.

I think they politely asked you to set yourself a reminder and that is fine. You made a slight error asking, amd have been asked to take the responsibility I dont think it is a big deal for either of you.

But as a therapist her business is completely different.

Clearly the way sthese boundaries are set is meaningful or you wouldn't be on the internet posting about your reaction to her setting this boundary with you.

She's potentially got these boundaries as one aspect of making sure she empowers you and that she doesn't step into a parental/saviour role.

It isn't like a car MOT place or any other business really . The interpersonal dynamics are absolutely key in her ongoing therapeutic approach.

She has already asked you once, and provided you with the fee / invoice. she will not remind you again.

This is the case with most similar services and now the onus is on you to remind yourself/ sort it out.

Of course she told you to set a reminder yourself as the onus is on you and she wants this to be precedent.

Don't think too much into it at all OP : ) she is not being difficult and simply cannot remind all her clients - she is trying to be fair to all x

Not if we’re wrong, no!

Sometimes, shock horror women are wrong, as it shows with OP.

Your original question: Am I misreading tone?

Yes, you are.

The end.

That's a bit rude! Just set a reminder yourself it's not difficult.

You asked a question and I answered, with my opinion that her tone is completely fine and that your request for a reminder was rude/ ridiculous/ childish (take your pick). Were you just hoping to get a lot of supportive replies?
The offence you seem to have taken to my response just echoes the way you took offence at your therapists message. The common denominator is you.

Remind yourself. It's really not her job to do that. She was polite but YOU are the one being difficult not her. It's not her problem if you are having bank account issues.

She is not your mum — and she's reminding you of that. This gives you something very important to talk about at your next session. I'm amazed you don't have to pay the full sessions in advance. I used to have to pay a month in advance and no money back unless I was able to give her three or four days' notice of a change.

Wow OP you’re the difficult one here!

Why wouldn’t you just set a reminder for yourself in a couple of days??

Even if you disagree with someone. What would be the point here? OP AIBU? Everyone else No. 😂

Were you just hoping to get a lot of supportive replies?

She got more positive responses on the thread about fancying her physio, so probably, yes.

It's your responsibility to pay her, she's not you PA.
She's let you know that in a completely personable way.

Fair point

is this her using the situation as an opportunity to do something you've talked about in therapy?

eg, if you've discussed you needing to take more responsibility for things that happen in your life - this is a good opportunity to put that in practice

if not, then it's perfectly reasonable for her to maintain her position that it's your responsibility to book and arrange payment.

that you behave differently with your own business is fine - neither of you are wrong!

i would hazard a guess that your approach means that you have on occasion forgotten that your clients have forgotten to pay you. her approach makes this virtually impossible.

Honestly based on a single interaction she sounds like a pretty good therapist. Clear on boundaries, making sure you recognise what are your issues and what are other people's, making sure you take responsibility for the issues that are yours. Full marks.

I can see why you're in therapy...

Does your mother still get you up in the morning or are you able to set your own alarm?

Your interpretation is utterly bizarre. I pay my own therapist upfront and wouldn’t even dream of asking her to remind me about it.

Are you a man, OP? YABU anyway but I'm just curious...