Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

If its not huge then just do it yourself.

YABU and this whole thing is fertile ground for therapy

She has sent you a reminder. You asking her to send you another reminder in two days reads like a power move. She was 100% right to push back.

Wtf has trust got to do with any of this?

You say you run your own business, would you accept someone saying there was "slim to no chance" of them remembering to pay you and that you had to remind them? Why is it her job to remind you to pay for a service you require? I can't believe you think she is being unreasonable. She is helping you to become a more independent person who doesn't rely on others to remind them about things they should be remembering themselves, you should stick with her and listen to her.

And this is her business and she has decided that she does not have time to send reminders which you can easily do yourself.

You keep saying 'I run a business and I always do X'. That's totally irrelevant.

She's been very patient given you're paying late and she's asked you to sort it out yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Her tone is pleasant and business like. I think she's handled it really well.

You've just got the hump because she's chosen to do things differently to how you would.

I suspect she's earning her money with you 😂

Maybe you should talk about respecting other people's choices at your next session instead of thinking your always right?

OP, as you can see, the vast majority of people here would have received that perfectly pleasant and reasonable message and thought 'Oh wow, of course I should just set a reminder myself! Silly me!'

Instead, you have reacted very differently. If you have been in therapy for a while, you have probably come across projection - basically, we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are.

You have decided that this woman is being unreasonable, over-dramatic, unprofessional and (deliberately?) obstructive.

Additionally, there is the issue of boundaries - where her responsibility ends and your begins. She is not responsible for you paying a deposit or not, only for allowing the appointment to go ahead or not. By asking her for a reminder, you have asked her to take on a responsibility that belongs to you. Entirely different to chasing someone for a payment for work that has already been done.

Yet you somehow see this as her evading her responsibility.

There's a lot there to unpick in therapy about this.

I accidentally clicked YANBU but I'm afraid I think you are! Paying her is your responsibility. Take ownership of it.

Her response was very generous given that you're paying her late and expected her to remind you to pay. Set a reminder on your phone.

I know what is over dramatic here! 😁

If you are a therapist you should have a better grasp of boundaries, collusion, and projection.

The therapist has already let OP book a session without paying the deposit, that shows trust, she doesn't have to do that. OP isn't asking for trust she's asking her therapist to remind her (again) about something that's her own responsibility.

Yet another OP who purports to ask for opinions and then gets cross and tells everyone they're WRONG!

You can simply click the other one option to change your vote.

Psychotherapist here. Haven't RTFT but have read all of your posts OP.

You are clearly angry with your therapist and are using this minor exchange as a hook on which to hang your anger. Please take it to your next session. Your therapist has behaved entirely appropriately.

You value her service and you rarely mess with anyone’s money indicating that you do want to pay on time. This time you can’t.

Her message in response is friendly and understanding reflecting her opinion that you are a reliable client who pays up on time and she, in turn, values your business.

Your own system of reminders for your own clients is bang up to date as you have made it all automated. Well done for your efficiency. So it’s likely to be no problem at all for you to quickly set yourself a reminder. Why wouldn’t you have done that straight away instead of sending a message asking her to remind you?

Her system is different to yours, not quite as efficient as yours maybe, and you seem to have a problem accepting that.

I think your message asking her to remind you is the one showing a bit of attitude. Maybe she questioned your tone OP. Her response is spot on I’d say.

It would have been quicker to put a recurring reminder in your phone than start this thread and then respond to people telling then why you think you are correct.

Goodness me, I've just read your updates.

If you know full well that you are the type of person to forget these things (as I certainly am!) then you need to put strategies in place to remind yourself and avoid things like this taking through the cracks, especially things that affect other people.

Timed reminders on my phone work for me, as do Alexa reminders and having a set time each week to deal with this sort of admin.

Trying to foist your responsibilities off onto other people and then getting the hump when they politely decline to shoulder them is not an acceptable strategy for managing your life!

You'll have a lot more self-respect and sense of agency when you're not expecting to rely on other people's effort to get you through the basics of life!

Oh brilliant, thanks! Every day's a school day...

Someone’s being very over dramatic and it’s not your therapist.

You're a grown adult, take personal responsibility to remember to pay.

You sound extremely hard work and it’s one of those threads despite every single post saying you’re on the wrong, you are convinced you’re right and won’t listen to any opinion other than your own.

How are you perceiving there to be lack of trust? The therapist is trusting that the client has the capacity to do this thing for herself. That's the helpful thing to do! If the therapist said okay, I'll remind you, that's basically saying "yeah I agree, you can't do this perfectly normal adult task. I'll going to do that for you, as of you're a child".

The therapist is not her mum, but it sounds like the client wants her to be mum-like. That's worth exploring.

I think she was perfectly reasonable. You have an agreement with her as to when to pay and you need to take responsibility for it. Her message sounds polite and straightforward to me. Your request, not so much.

Well you did! You apparently can't remember and say the chances of you remembering are zero to none and expect someone else to remind you. So yes infantilising.
Put an alert on your phone, write yourself a note. You are an adult and are responsible for remembering

She's right.

Maybe you can explore your strong emotional response to this interaction in therapy?

You can set a reminder for yourself rather than ask her to set a reminder to remind you.

It’s called being an adult.