To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

How old is your DD? I don’t think they’re unreasonable to say you can’t work while looking after a child at home. I think it’s more that you’ve been lucky with your current role.

ETA: at that salary, can’t she go into an after school club?

Maybe they want your full attention and worry that when a child is in your care they will rightly be your priority.
Have they explained why

After school club? Other parent?

If you need to do pick up in between then you’ve got young kids at home with you and it’s normal for employers to not be happy with that arrangement.
Mothers, just like fathers are expected to have childcare while they work.
On 95k you can afford to pay after school club.

Is it a motherhood penalty or is just a standard policy where when you are working, you can't be looking after a child too?

After school club?
Childminder?

Maybe you could use some of your £95k to pay someone. Like thousands of other parents.

Assume she is primary so can't make her own way home.

After school club? Rota with another parent - you take both, they collect both?

After school nanny or childminder?

In lots of jobs you can't down tools at 3.30 for an hour or so.

I can see what you're disappointed but this is unfortunately the reality for many working parents. For a couple of hours of wrap around care a day, I'd take the pay rise. Congratulations on the job offer.

On that salary, you don’t really count hours outside of the normal working day, and especially when you have kids with you.
They want you working during traditional ‘working hours’. You can’t do that. It’s actually generous of them to offer you the reduced pay with curtailed hours. They could have just said you were not what they were looking for, since they wanted you full time (traditional).

YABU

I’d be inclined to go back and say ‘It’s sorted. I’ll work full time for 95k thanks v much.’ And I’d just carry on nipping out and picking her up, or do afterschool club a few days, a playdate here and there and just make it work.

Like others have said it depends on how old she is. Tricky to WFH with her there if she’s 4, anything 7 and over should be much easier.

I’m sure they will notice the OP not being responsive or able to commit to any meetings around the school pick up window.

It's not a motherhood penalty but rather a reasonable expectation of employment. If you're needing to pick your DD up at 3.30 and look after her after school then you can't expect your work to be paying for your time when you're not working.

I'm a parent and there are core hours I have to work. I have to pay for childcare to fit round these hours just like every other parent and what my parents had to do to. I'd be pissed off if people were being paid the same and expected to work the same hours but nipping off halfway through the afternoon to do a school pick up.

And if she’s expected to join an important short notice call at 3:00 one day? For an urgent matter that means she can’t say “sorry I’m actually too busy with something I can’t mention”?

If they’re paying that kind of salary (and even if they’re not tbh), they are entitled to expect your full attention without you doing childcare during working hours.

I imagine there’d be a lot of those. There certainly would be if I managed her.

Nothing g to do with motherhood, they wouldn't allow a father to do it either by the sound of it

It sounds like they have made a very reasonable compromise. Either arrange other childcare for after school or accept the reduced hours and collect your child yourself.

lots of people need to change hours around children. It’s part of being a parent!

Can you find some childcare from 3.30?

I was thinking this. Might not be much of a pay rise from where The OP is now but less time working... presumably she can go back up to full time when the kid is older too if she wants.

YABU. They are being very flexible on hours, they've accommodated school hour working to meet your childcare needs. As a childfree woman, I actually feel like it's a penalty to CF women if mothers (or fathers) are allowed to pop out at school run time while I'm expected to work core hours. You shouldn't be caring for a child while working.

Why can’t your child go to ASC?
I wouldn’t allow someone to be carrying on with work knowing there is a young child in their care and probably disturbing them neither

No it’s not a motherhood penalty, the same would apply if you were a single father…ffs!

Why can’t you pay for childcare like everyone else?